Wednesday, 17 June 2020

goldilocks

I WANT OUT.

I WANT OUT.

I WANT OWWWT!

                         *********

Once upon a time, there was a lass with golden locks of hair.

Okay, so her hair isn't golden.  The box says chestnut brown.

MOUSES!

Once upon a time, there was a lass with chestnut brown hair named Goldilocks, who happened upon three bears.

Okay, so there weren't three bears.  There was actually just the one.

MOUSES!

Once upon a time, some bears broke into a house, and...

Okay, so even in the story, the bears didn't break into anyone's house.  The bears owned the house and Goldilocks was the one doin' the intrudin'.

MOUSES!

But nevertheless, I STILL WANT OUT.

But can I go outside in the garden, my friends?

NO, and do you know why?

BREAKING NEWS...  Bear sighting in the yard right across the street from my house.

MOUSES!

So anyway, that was what happened at my house on Monday.

And in case you're wonderin', I, Seville the Cat, did not see the bear.  But I heard all 'bout it from the peeps and the neighbours and...

AND THE NATIONAL EVENIN' NEWS!

Okay, so it wasn't actually on the news.

Although truth be told, there may very well have been reports of peeps hearin' some crazed cat yellin' at the top of his lungs that he wanted to go out.

'Cause yeah, I really was THAT loud.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, Peepers wouldn't let me go out in the garden on account of a bear bein' spotted in the yard right across the street from us.  She said the bear had probably been in our yard, too, as our house lies between the neighbours' house and the woods and river out back.

I, Seville the Cat, was not amused.

MOUSES!

Not 'bout the bear, my friends.  I couldn't care less 'bout that itty bitty bear.

Okay, so by nature bears aren't itty bitty.  I admit that.

But still...

But still, shmill; Peepers wouldn't let me out of my house.

I ranted and I raved.

And I raved and I ranted.

And when my rantin' and ravin' didn't get me what I wanted, I RANTED AND RAVED EVEN MORE!

Well, as you can imagine, the peep wasn't pleased.

BUT WHO CARES?  It's not like Peepers was bein' held captive in her very own house.

Okay, so technically she kinda was, as she wasn't gettin' to go outside with a bear on the loose, either.

But what's important here is that I, Seville the Cat, didn't get to do as I wanted.

Let's not lose track of that.

And if there are any more complaints from the neighbours 'bout my rantin' and ravin'...

Well maybe they'd like an up close and PURRsonal front row seat next time.  It can be arranged, you know.  And I'll even give 'em half off the regular ticket price for the performance; what with their bein' neighbours, and all.

Right after I double what I normally charge.

MOUSES! 

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!


6 comments:

  1. I wondered what that screaming noise was Seville!

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  2. Seville, we are all staying inside, even though we want to go out! It's dangerous outside, be it COVID-19 or a bear!

    ReplyDelete
  3. We don't got bears here. But the coyotes and bobcats mean we gotta stay in too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. dood !!! bearz like ta steel salmon....rite frum under yur noze...IF ya had sum in de houz; double chex N make sure itz still ther.... trooth buddy ~~~~~~~~~~ ♥♥☺☺

    ReplyDelete
  5. We think the worst We get here is wild dogs - and jackals.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Trust me, you are safer inside.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.