Sunday 25 August 2019

how could you

How could you.

It wasn't a question.  More of an accusation, actually.

HOW COULD YOU.

I glared at the peep.  She looked kinda...  Um...  Stupid?  Yeah, that's the word I'm lookin' for.  Stupid.

HOW COULD YOU?

"I didn't do it on purpose, Seville.  I'm sorry."

Peepers, HOW COULD YOU.  MOUSES!

The peep shrugged.

THEY WERE IN MY HOUSE AND EVERYTHIN'.  MOUSES!

"I told you, I didn't do it on purpose."

Two of them.  TWO OF THEM!  There were two of them IN MY HOUSE and everythin'.

"Well I wasn't very happy about the situation either, Seville.  I..."

THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET 'EM INSIDE!  Boy-oh-boy Peepers, you've done some pretty stupid stuff in your lifetime, but this time... THIS time you've exceeded all expectations of stupidity and...  AND WON YOURSELF THE MOST STUPID PEEP ON EARTH TROPHY, for...  For you know, bein' the most stupid peep on Earth, and...

And...

AND...

AND THEY WERE IN MY HOUSE AND EVERYTHIN'.

TWO OF THEM!

MOUSES!

The Peep sighed.  I thought I detected a note of frustration in that sigh, but decided to ignore it on account of her not havin' any right to be frustrated.  IF ANYONE had a right to be frustrated, it was me.  Not her.  Me.  Me, Seville the Cat.  ME.  MOUSES!

"Seville, I..."

DID YOU NOT HEAR WHEN I SAID THERE WERE TWO OF THEM IN MY HOUSE AND EVERYTHIN'?

And there she goes again with the sighin'.

"Seville, I didn't do it on purpose.  I didn't invite them inside.  I didn't even know they were inside until they started making a ruckus in the sunroom, and I went to see what was going on, and.."

And about that, Peepers.  The ruckus, I mean.  Do you have any idea what those two were doin' in the sunroom whilst makin' that ruckus of theirs?  THEY WERE DESTROYING MY INSIDE NIP PLANT, THAT'S WHAT.  They climbed up in the pot and must have been sittin' on it, and squishin' it, and flattening it down, and...

"I think they were trying to get up to the open window.  They were looking for a way back outside.

WELL THEY WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED A WAY OUT IF YOU HADN'T GONE AND LET 'EM INSIDE IN THE FIRST PLACE.  MOUSES!

"I told you, I didn't let them in.  I left the back door open when I was in the garden picking a bouquet of sweet peas, and it was already getting dark.   I think they must have noticed the open door and, being curious, come inside."  The peep held up a paw...  I mean, hand.  "ALL ON THEIR OWN."

Well they didn't walk through a wall, Peepers.  They didn't walk through a closed door, either.  They waltzed in through an open door.  A WIDE, OPEN DOOR.  An open door CARELESSLY LEFT OPEN BY YOU.  MOUSES!

"I did manage to get them back outside."

Don't go lookin' for brownie points for that, Peepers.  Gettin' them back out was your responsibility, and only yours, on account of YOU letting 'em inside in the first place.  They...

What, again with the sighs?  MOUSES!

"I said I was sorry.  I meant it.  I..."

Peepers, there isn't enough sorry in the world for you to make this up to me.  YOU. LET. TWO BABY ROCKY RACCOONS. INTO MY HOUSE. LAST NIGHT.  TWO!  One would have been bad enough, but two?  MOUSES!

"It wasn't my fault.  I didn't do it on purpose.  In fact, I didn't do anything at all!  They came in all on their own WITHOUT any kind of invitation from me, and once I knew they were inside, I got them back out."

I scrunched up my nose makin' my whiskers go all quivery, turned on my tail, and headed out of the room.

But as I was leavin', I said...

Just so you know, Peepers, sometime in the next forty-eight hours I'm gonna hork up a hairball, pull some threads out of a chair, and poop in one of your shoes - although not necessarily in that order - and when you find my trail of death and destruction, know it's your punishment for lettin' those two baby rockies into MY house and...

And...

AND...

HOW COULD YOU.

MOUSES!

8 comments:

  1. Oh my Seville, masked visitors looking for trouble, yikes!

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  2. Poor Seville! The peace of your domicile was destroyed. 😳

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  3. Well, on the plus side, at least they weren't black and white.

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  4. You had intruders INSIDE, Seville! Oh, the humanity!

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  5. Oh Nooooo! Thank goodness we dont have such things over here, Seville. Maybe you could emigrate and bring your nip plant with you? In fact if you want I will look after the nip plant and you can stayin Canada and keep tabs on the peep?
    I promise to send postcards of the plants progress. . . .
    Purrs
    ERin

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  6. OH. MY. COD! Raccoons?!? In your house?!? WHAT THE HEY, Seville? There is a clause in the Feline Contract...here, let me look...*flip flip flip* Yep, Section 13, Paragraph 29, lines 5-6: No wildlife shall be allowed within feline household at any times, failure to fence out said wildlife bring forfeiture of any rules regarding pooping in litterbox, hairball expenditure laws, and in general, all bets are off."

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  7. [gasping] YIKES! She let two of those bandits in your house, Severs?! You better check that sunroom and make sure they didn't steal any of your nip mousies, toys, or kibble or haul off your blankie.

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.