They've got to be kiddin'.
There's NO WAY this can be true.
This has gotta be FAKE news, for sure. MOUSES!
Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh... Ummm... Eh?
Well I'll be...
Accordin' to all my many sources, this comin' Saturday is...
Wait for it...
World Naked Gardenin' Day.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
I'm tellin' ya, as if peeps don't get into enough trouble already, now they have a World Naked Gardenin' Day. A day for gardenin', naked? A day for gettin' naked, and gardenin'? A DAY FOR...
What WILL they think of next.
Or maybe... Maybe the problem is, they're not actually thinkin' at all.
Typical peep behaviour, for sure. MOUSES!
You know, once, way back when, I accidentally walked into the bathroom when a peep was steppin' into the shower and let me tell you, my friends...
...THERE ARE SOME THINGS A KITTY CAN NEVER UNSEE.
It's 'cause of stuff like this that bathroom doors have locks. And believe-you-me, locks on bathrooms doors are meant to be used, for sure.
It's bad enough that a kitty has to be careful when walkin' into a bathroom, but now a kitty has to watch out for naked peeps out in the garden, too?
When will the craziness end? MOUSES!
And I have a question. Will all those naked peeps runnin' around neighbourhood gardens in all their nakedness, remember to wear their sunscreen. 'Cause seriously, my friends, if not, they could be gettin' sunburns in places where normally, the sun just isn't supposed to shine.
And how 'bout straw hats? Are they allowed to wear those? You know, to protect themselves from gettin' wrinkles on their faces and stuff, although truth be told, there isn't a straw hat big enough to protect 'em from gettin' wrinkles... You know... Elsewhere. MOUSES!
I just thought of somethin'. If the first Saturday of May is World Naked Gardening Day, is the first Sunday in May, World Poison Ivy Treatment Day? 'Cause I'm thinkin' there will be more than a few peeps in need of a full body treatment, for sure.
And what about poison oak?
AND THEN THERE ARE NETTLES.
You know, once, way back when, before I was even born, Peep #1 ran through a patch of raspberry canes with her shorts on.
Yeah, stupid, I know. But what do you expect from a peep?
But my point is, at least she was wearin' SOMETHIN'. Imagine runnin' through a patch of raspberry canes with nothin' on at all?
And what if a bird flyin' overhead decides to... You know... Do what birds so often do? The peeps won't have any protection at all.
And what if it rains? Are umbrellas allowed? Of course, gardenin' while holdin' an umbrella is not the easiest of things to do in the first place. I would imagine that naked gardenin' while holdin' an umbrella is even harder to do.
I just thought of somethin'.
WILL THERE BE NAKED GARDENING TOURS?
And I thought squirrels were crazy. Clearly, the peeps have out-squirrelled the squirrelliness of the squirrelliest of squirrels, for sure.
Makes a kitty wonder why all the peeps in the world haven't all been locked up by now. You know, for their own good. To protect 'em from themselves and stuff. Stuff like sunburns and poison ivy and poison oak.
BUT OH NO... Peeps have got to be a allowed to be peeps, and lettin' them loose on the world is all part of their bein'... You know... PEEPS.
It's like peeps think they are cats or somethin'. Just 'cause a cat can walk around in the garden wearin' nothin' but his natural furs, doesn't mean peeps can do so, too. I mean, a cat can look at a queen. Peeps stare too hard at the Queen and they might be gettin' a visit from the Royal Guard. MOUSES!
But back to this naked gardenin' business at paw.
Listen up all you peeps out there. DON'T YOU COME CRYIN' TO ME ON SUNDAY WHEN YOU'RE COVERED IN POISON OAK AND HAVE A SUNBURN IN PLACES WHERE THE SUN SIMPLY ISN'T SUPPOSED TO SHINE. MOUSES!
And in other news...
Reports are comin' in from all four corners of the world. Cats have been buying RECORD NUMBERS of flashy boxes, smart phones and other recording devices, preparing to take pictures of sunburned, poison ivy stricken peeps.