don't look at me

Don't look at me, Peepers.  I always use the litter box.

And when I say always, I mean, always.  Like in... All the time.  Like... ALWAYS.

Okay, so there was that one time.

But I'm pretty sure we both agreed when it happened, it was total accident, for sure.

Boy oh boy, I'm NEVER gonna live that one down.  MOUSES!

But speakin' of litter boxes, I've never seen you use a box, Peepers.  You sure it wasn't you who did the dirty deed?  Are you sure it wasn't you who went and pooped in amongst the primroses? MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah...  So you say.

But then, you're always sayin' stuff, Peepers.

Truth be told, I never listen to half the things you say.  I never listen to the other half, either. MOUSES!

But back to the poopin' amongst the primroses.  Seriously, it wasn't me.  I, Seville the Cat, did not dig up those baby primrose plants.  I wouldn't dream of doin' such a thing for I, Seville the Cat, am a gentleman cat, for sure.  MOUSES!

You know...  it might have been the neighbours.

WHY NOT?

Oh sure, you think nothin' of blamin' me, your friendly handsome bloggin' marmalade cat with whom you share a computer, but you won't even consider blamin' the neighbours?  MOUSES!

Well let me ask you this, Peepers.  Have you ever seen the neighbours usin' a litter box?  Huh? HUH?  Well have you?  'Cause maybe there's a reason for that.  Maybe it's 'cause they're sneakin' into the garden, late at night, to do their business in amongst the baby primroses and....

Okay, maybe that is a bit far fetched.

Or not.

MOUSES!

Well...  If it's not the neighbours, that brings us back to YOU.

Hey, you were the one not willin' to blame the peeps livin' next door. MOUSES!

I'm thinkin'...  I'm thinkin' it was you, Peepers, who dug up those baby primrose plants, and you're now makin' a big ol' fuss of accusin' me - a cat who has ONLY EVER ONCE not used the litter box...

Okay, so there was that one other time, too.  But that was an accident as well.  MOUSES!

Anyway, like I said, I'm thinkin' it was you, Peepers, who dug up those primrose plants while doin' your business out in the garden.  And NOW you're pointin' a paw at me, in a feeble-minded attempt to take the blame away from you.

Typical peep behaviour, for sure.  MOUSES!

And when one takes into account the fact that you've never been seen usin' the litter boxes...

FYI, I'd just like to take a moment here to point out that we cats would like for you to continue NOT usin' our litter boxes, but nevertheless...

When one takes into account the fact that you've never been seen usin' the litter boxes, it's PERFECTLY REASONABLE to assume that the entity who dug up the primroses while doin' their business was you.  MOUSES!

You're still denyin' it, huh?  MOUSES!

All I know is, it wasn't me.

And you claim it wasn't you.

And if it wasn't the neighbours....

Could it have been...  Aliens?

Nah, it's a well-known fact that aliens carry litter boxes in their spaceships. Believe-you-me, no one wants to be searchin' for a clean rest stop half-way to Pluto.  Know what I mean?

So if it wasn't aliens...

Hmmm...

Sorry Peepers, but it looks like we're back to blamin' you.

And whatever you do, DON'T EVEN THINK 'bout poopin' anywhere near my nip plants.    MOUSES!