Whatcha doin' there, Peepers? Writing something? Anything that might be of interest to me?
Mouses Peepers, you've written absolutely nothing. That there is what one would call a blank screen. Blank as in, you know... blank. Got nothing on it at all.
What am I talking about? Actually, I think you mean about what am I talking but that aside, I'm referring to that ol' blank computer screen sitting there in front of you. I hate to say it but you've got nothing but screen.
Now I know, if you were playing basketball or something and you had nothing but net, that might be a good thing but that's an entirely different matter, if you know what I mean. MOUSES!
So anyway, Peepers, you need some help? Let me go get my fee schedule for you and then we'll talk. MOUSES!
Now first things first, Peepers. Before you do anything else you need to put your paws on the keyboard and prepare yourself for typing. You need to have paws at the ready, so to speak, for when inspiration hits you. That's right, Lady Inspiration is gonna hit you and then you're gonna start hitting those keys. That's how we professional writers do it, you see.
Secondly, close your eyes. That's right, Peepers, close your eyes and wait for Lady Inspiration to strike
By the way, Peepers... Perhaps I should have asked this first but uh... You do know how to type with your eyes closed, right? You do? Excellent. Not that it would matter much anyway considering how little you've typed.
What's that, Peepers? Don't blame ME. I'm not the one sitting there in front of a computer with a blank screen. Clearly you have typed absolutely nothing and the proof is right there in front of you, in the form of that there screen with nothing on it. MOUSES!
Peepers, would you like me to get you a cup of nip tea or something? I find my writing is much better after having imbibed in a little nip, myself. You think a little nip tea would help you, too, 'cause judging by that blank screen, you're in need of all the help you can get and...
Mason, stop distracting Peep #1 with your incessant questions about whatever you're questioning her. She needs to concentrate on her writing, here, if she's ever gonna get anything done.
Okay Peepers, now we wait. Yup, now we sit and wait. We wait for Lady Inspiration to make an appearance.
Er-hmm... Anything yet, Peepers? I don't see your fingers moving. You haven't typed a single word. Not even a letter. Not even a punctuation mark or anything. MOUSES!
We'll just wait a little longer then.
Anything now, Peepers? Anything at all?
Peepers? PEEPERS? PEEPERS!!! You still awake there, Peepers? Just checking.
By gosh, it never takes me this long to come up with something about which to write. I come up with a blog post twice a week, every week, and I can say with utmost certainty that I have never - EVER - taken this long to come up with a post. Hmmm...
Peepers, anyone ever tell you you're not really cut out for this writing thing? 'Cause if no one else has told you, I might....
Peepers! It's working! Lady Inspiration has arrived. The screen is...
Wait a minute. Why is the computer screen going all dark and...
WHAT DID YOU DO? That's my computer you're using and you've gone and...
Oh. Oh? What the mouses? Uh Peepers, how come the computer is shutting down? That's what the computer does when it shuts down. How come it's doing that? You haven't done any of your writing yet.
Really? Well why the mouses did you not say that before? For mousin' out loud. MOUSES!
Next time when you've finished all your writing for the day and saved the file and are shutting the computer down when I come into the office Peepers, let me know BEFORE I waste all this time helping you write whatever you've already finished writing, okay? My time could have been far better spent biffing a nippy biff bag around or something like that. Actually, my time could have been far better spent taking a nap or pretty much anything else. Truth be told, my time would have been better spent watching a bug sitting on a window - not that we have any bugs on windows at this time of year but still... Suffice it to say, it would save a whole lot of effort on my part if I didn't need to help you when you're not actually in need of my help.
Not that you don't need my help. I mean, you do tend to need my help on a daily basis, Peepers, especially when it comes to writing but still...
Just be sure that next time you speak up before we repeat what happened here. No more repeat performances of this are allowed. Okay? Okay. Now I think I'll go find myself a nip mouse or something 'cause let me tell you, I really need a nip mouse right about now and that, Peepers, is a fact, for sure. MOUSES!