"Whatcha got there, Peepers?" I sniffed at the peep's glass. "Wine? Nah, I'll just stick to this here nip mouse, I think. Can't beat a good nip mouse, you know. This one is vintage 2013, I believe." I breathed in, deeply. "Ahhh... 2013 was a great year for the nip."
"Oohhh... but what's that? Cheese? Don't mind if I do!" and I swiped a piece of cheese from the peep's plate. It was Havarti. Delicious. "Pass me another piece of cheese, please. That one. No, not the teeny tiny one. The bigger one over there. Yes, that's the one."
After snackin' on the cheese, I settled in next to Peep #1, usin' my nip mouse for a pillow. It really was a great mouse, only recently having been discovered hiding underneath the chesterfield in the living room. Obviously, none of the other cats in the house had encountered this particular nip mouse before as no one had yet slobbered over it. Any slobbering on this mouse would be done by none other than myself, Nerissa the Cat. EXCELLENT.
I was in serious need of a little evening nap as my afternoon one had been rudely interrupted by the peep and her vacuuming. Why-oh-why peeps insist upon vacuuming is beyond my comprehension. They're not even very good at it. They vacuum once only to turn around and have to do it all over again a few days later. You'd think they could get it right the first time. They certainly get in enough practise. MOUSES!
An hour or so later, I awoke from my nap to find the peeps had disappeared. They were nowhere in sight. Instead, standing before me, was a mouse. A little mouse, carrying a clipboard. He was watching me, intently. Staring, in fact. To be honest, it was a little unnerving. MOUSES!
"Is that you, M24?" I asked.
"No, Sir," replied the mouse. "That would be my brother. I'm M99. Common mistake."
I had to admit, they did all look alike.
"If you'd please follow me," M99 continued, "the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police request your assistance.
I padded after the little mouse, wondering just what The Big Cheese had done this time. Clearly, if the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police were involved, The Big Cheese must be, as well. That rat - I mean, mouse - was always stirrin' up trouble. Stirrin' up trouble like one might stir up a big ol' pot of cheese fondue. Hmmm... I could really go for a little cheese fondue right about now, I thought to myself and wondered if The Big Cheese might have some on paw.
The mouse known as M99 led me into the great red chamber just as a mouse had led me there, once before. But this time, the rows upon rows of seats were empty. "Where are all the mice?" I wondered aloud.
"Summer holidays," M99 replied. "Everyone is gone for the summer except a few of us who stayed behind to help the police clean up this mess.
"I knew it!" I cried. "The Big Cheese... It's his mess right? The Royal Canadian Mouseland Police are cleaning up the mess left behind by The Big Cheese and his cohorts, aren't they?"
"Not The Big Cheese, no. It was aliens."
"ALIENS?" I cried in disbelief. "MOUSES!"
"No, not mice... ALIENS. We believe they're from the Planet of Doom." M99 pointed toward a group of Royal Canadian Mouseland Police officers gathered around a large, monolithic structure, rising out of the red carpet and standing at least twenty mice high. "We've immobilised the alien ship but before we could do so, it beamed up valuable information that we need to retrieve. All of the police records pertaining to the Great Canadian Cheese Conspiracy have been sucked up into that thing along with much of the evidence against The Big Cheese."
I peered into the clear canister, masquerading as the hold of a ship. Sure enough, it was filled with a myriad of files stamped with the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police insignia. There were also an awful lot of crumbs of cheese.
"Ummm..." I began, not really knowing how to break it to the mice. "Guys, uh... This isn't a spaceship from the Planet of Doom," I explained. "This is Peep #1's vacuum. I call it the 'cuum."
"The 'Cuum from the Planet of Doom?" the mice gasped in unison.
"No, I think she ordered it from the shopping channel or somethin'. Anywho... I guess what you need is for me to crack this thing open and retrieve your files, huh?" I stood up on my hind paws so that I could better examine the mechanism used to unleash the canister. "You said the 'cuum has been immobilised?"
One of the Royal Canadian Mouseland Police officers held up the cord to the 'cuum in reply. It had been chewed right through. Peep #1 was not gonna be happy when she found out about that.
I pressed the little red button and gave the canister a good hard shove. It fell to the floor, spilling its contents all over the red carpet of the great hall. Royal Canadian Mouseland Police officers scrambled about, collecting their files and the cheese crumb evidence.
"Well!" I exclaimed to little M99, "That was easy. Anything else you need help with?" I asked. "Any cheese fondue that might need to be eaten or somethin'?"
M99 watched the police officers as they finished up their task of clearin' up the mess left behind by the 'cuum from the supposed planet of Doom. "Are there more of these 'cuums in existence?" he asked. "Do we need to prepare for another invasion?"
"I don't think you need worry 'bout an alien invasion," I answered. "You might have some explainin' to do when the peep finds out 'bout how someone chewed through the 'cuum's electrical cord, though."
As if on cue, I thought I heard Peep #1 cry aloud, "MOUSES!"
The mice disappeared before my very eyes but off in the distance I heard, whispered in unison, "Mice. The plural of mouse, is mice."
By the way, VOTIN' for the Petties Awards is still goin' on. You can VOTE once a day, EVERY DAY, from now until August 7th. Won't you please vote for me? I'd really appreciate it a lot. purrs