Sunday, 28 December 2014

I have nip!

Nip farmin'...  HERE I COME.

That's right.  I have nip!

Santa was very good to us kitties on the nip front, this year.  There were nip mice and biff bags galore. You know what biff bags are, don't you?  They're little knitted bags containing nip that we cats can biff about. Thus the name, biff bags.  Of course, since they contain nip, we don't do a lot of biffin' with them. More slobberin' than biffin', really.  Nip is meant to be sniffed and licked and slobbered over...  not biffed.

Anywho...  Santa brought all of us cats toys with nip and so far, no one has peed on any of 'em. Yeah, it happens.  Not this year though and thank goodness for that.

But my brother, Seville, peed on the peep.  Yup, he peed on the peep, yesterday.  Actually, he sprayed her.  Yup, he sprayed Peep #1.  It did not go over well.  Guess he was lettin' her know she was his or somethin'.  Don't know what got into him.  The rest of us just rub up against the peeps' legs like normal cats do.  MOUSES!

But back to the nip.

Santa wasn't the only one bearin' nip, this year.  One of my amazin' bloggin' buddies sent me the most incredible nip that I have ever sniffed and believe you me, I, Nerissa the Cat, have sniffed some pretty fantastic nip in my time.  I'm not sure if I'm allowed to reveal my pal's name.  Might be a secret or somethin'.  But I sure do wanna thank him 'cause let me tell you, that nip is incredible stuff.  Mixed in with the nip is Valerian root and honeysuckle and a little cat mint, too.  It's heavenly. Mouses that stuff is good.

Peep #1 has promised to do us up some fabric crinkle toys with that special nip blend.  She's gonna do 'em up after the holidays are all over and things are gettin' back to normal.  As if my house is ever normal.  Excuse me while I drop everythin' and laugh myself silly for the next half-hour or so.   I swear, my peeps live in a constant state of delusion.  Deludin' themselves into thinkin' our house can be anythin' but confusing.  Delusional confusion is the normal state of affairs 'round here.  Yup, that's the normal state of affairs, for sure.

But once things are back to our normal state of delusional confusion, the peep is gonna do up those crinkle toys.  Gonna make one for my pal who sent me the special nip blend, too.  He's gonna love it 'cause you know, it's nip!

The peeps got us some nip, too.  Well...  sort of.

Under the Christmas tree, this year, I found a card from the peeps.  In that card was a promissory note for full-grown nip plants in the spring.  As soon as the nurseries open up for the season, Peep #1 is gonna head out and get us some nip plants.  Nip plants we can plant in the garden, allowin' us to grow our very own nip.

Guess the peep has given up on growin' the stuff from seed.  One dismal failure after another, that has been.  Don't know what her problem is.  The woman grows all sorts of stuff from seed.  Even things like plumeria and linden trees.

Of course, plumeria and linden trees are useless to me.  The only thing those plumies are good for is ten pin plumie bowlin' in the sunroom.  Pretty good game when the plants are small but the bigger they get, the harder it is to knock 'em down in their pots, if you know what I mean.

And linden trees!  Don't get me started on those.  Oh yeah, they look pretty, growin' out there in the garden and whatnot but there are no horizontal branches on those trees.  Totally useless for climbin'.  Totally useless, for sure.  MOUSES!

But give the peep a package of nip seed and you know what you get?  Nothin'.  Give her two packages of nip seed and do you know what you get?  Nothin' times two.  Give her three packages...   You get the picture, I am sure.  Doesn't matter how many times you multiply nothin' with somethin' you still end up with nothin'.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

This time, the peep is gettin' grown-up plants, already growin' and everythin'.  But with her track record on the nip growin' front, I don't think she can be trusted with those plants.  No, these plants will be cared for by none other than me.  I'm gonna be a nip farmer.

And remember how I asked Santa to bring Peep #1 a Growin' Nip for Dummies book for Christmas? Well that didn't happen.  Santa ran into a slight problem with that.  Apparently, the book on Growin' Nip for Dummies has not yet been written.  He told me I should write one myself.

And I was all prepared to write that book, Growin' Nip for Dummies, too.  I began with the title but then I thought... MOUSES! that can't be right.  What is the Claus insinuating 'bout me?

To tell you the truth, I don't think Santa was insinuating anythin' but still, the title of the book threw me for a bit of a loop.  It's all in how you say it, you see. It's a matter of interpretation.

Growin' Nip for Dummies...  Is it a book written so that peeps like my peep can grow nip?  Peeps who might have been exposed as dummies on the nip growin' front, before?  OR is it a book 'bout growin' nip that you will then give to dummies.  You know, nip FOR dummies.  MOUSES!

I, Nerissa the Cat, may be a lot of things but a dummy I am not.  No way, no how, can anyone call me that.  Gotta rework the title of my book, I think.  Probably a good idea, anyway.  That dummy franchise thing-a-ma-jig has already been taken.

NIP GROWIN': Dumbed Down for a Certain Incompetent Peep.  Kinda catchy, don't you think?

Anywho...  As soon as the nip plants are available in the spring, I'll be gettin' mine and I'll plant 'em and water 'em and feed 'em with...  Well actually, I'll supervise the peep doin' all that stuff.  I'm gonna be more of a gentleman nip farmer, if you know what I mean.

I'll supervise the peep while she plants 'em and waters 'em and feeds 'em with whatever nip plants like to eat.  I'm thinkin' it's not Fancy Feast or anythin' like that but whatever it is, it's gotta be good. Only the best for my nip plants, for sure.  Gotta make sure that the peep gives my nip plants the very best of care.

This is gonna be the start of a whole new career for me.  I've been savin' up my bottle money to invest in nip futures for what seems like forever.  I'm sure I've got lots of bottle money saved up in my froggy bank.

I know, most cats have piggy banks but long, long ago I made the mistake of sendin' the peep out to get me a piggy bank and instead, she came home with one that is most definitely not a pig but rather, a frog.  What a peep.

But whether it be a pig or a frog, it's still a bank.  And it's the bank containin' all my bottle money and my potential investment in nip futures.  I'm thinkin' that by growin' some nip myself...

Actually, I'm not sure what I'm thinkin'. I don't really think that's how these investment futures work.  I need to figure that one out.

But in the meantime, I'm gonna start up my nip farm.  With only a pawful of plants, it will be a rather small farm, at first.  Kinda piddly, actually.  But it's a start.  That's what's important.  My plants will grow and as they do, so will my farm.  My nip-growin' farm...  WONDERFUL.  Yup, nip farmin'...  HERE I COME.  It's gonna be amazin'.  Gonna be amazin', for sure.  MOUSES!

56 comments:

  1. The promise for fresh nip grown this spring is a great gift ! We bet you'll remember your peep at the right time ! We want to tell Neville that peeps belong to the few things on which you should not pee or spray ! Purrs

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    1. I'll let him know but truth be told, the peep already mentioned something 'bout that. purrs

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  2. Nip all around, we sure agree with that. Hmmm peeing on the peeps won't get you any extra nip though

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    1. Yeah, doin' that works against you, for sure. purrs

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  3. Good thing your peeps are not promising that nip in January!

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    1. At least she had the sense to wait 'til the nurseries are open for the season. purrs

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  4. Wow Seville! I have never peed on a peep. Did you mistake her for a tree or something?
    Sounds like a great nippy time at your place.

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    1. By George, that could be it! Wait a minute.. Who is this George and from where did he come? purrs

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  5. MOL - I like NIP GROWIN': Dumbed Down for a Certain Incompetent Peep. Only ya should make it Certain Incompetent Peeps so we can all use it for our peeps.

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    1. I shall make that edit right away. purrs

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  6. He SPRAYED THE PEEP??? I guess we'd better ut that on our bucket list.... (HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!)

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    1. Might wanna check with your mum and dad, first. Peep #1 was not uh... well... Let's just say she was not amused and leave it at that. purrs

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  7. Oh Nissy weez so happy fur ya'. Weez asked Santa to bwing tou sum nip and hims did. On anudder nip note, mommy sez dat may be yous peeps purrawlem. She may be tendin' to da little nippers too much. Nip plants don't wequire any babyin', nope, nun at all. Just plant 'em water 'em a little and yous all set. Good luck and again, weez so glad yous got you sum nip.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

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    1. No extra tendin' required, huh? Hmmm... Perhaps Ol' Peepers HAS been nippin' the nippers to death. Gonna have to check into that, for sure. One needs to know if one is gonna write a book on the subject. You know? purrs

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  8. A nip farm sounds like a most wonderful idea! Um, maybe Seville could write Peep Peeing for Dummies!

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    1. Peep Peein' for Dummies... LOVE it! Seville is probably an expert on the subject. purrs

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  9. We hope you hold your peeps to that promise for growing nip this spring, Nissy. The mom grows us a big pot every spring/summer, but she rarely gives it to us. What's up with that? We want to eat, sniff, rub that nip...not look at it!

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    1. She doesn't give you any of the nip? None at all? She hoardin' it for herself or somethin'? MOUSES! purrs

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  10. Nerissa, my human can't grow nip from seed either - she has always begun with plants, and sometimes even then, they don't make it!

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    1. MOUSES! It's like an epidemic or somethin'. All these peeps unable to grow the nip... Scary, for sure. purrs

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  11. Yep, starting your farm from a plant or plants works much better! We have had from one to three plants the last couple of years, and we always have plenty of nippy goodness to go around. Good luck with your new venture. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    1. Thanks. I'm purrin' that this is gonna work out. Nerissa the Cat, the nip farmer... Love it! purrs

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  12. We is late (blame the mom bean) but we hopes efurrybody had a very Merry Chrissymouse!

    Our mom bean is pretty useless too, though handy with opening the stinky goodness, so she gets us grown up nip plants too. She says not to worry about only having a few because they volunteer. We wasn't sure what that meant so she told us it means if your peep lets them go to seed you'll get nip plants all over the yard. Our little bitty back yard grass is nearly all nip now. It's pawsome!

    Seville peed on your peep? None of us has efur done that..bet there were some bad wurds said, MOL

    Sasha. Sami, & Saku

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    1. You have a lawn of nip? Ever lucky. Hmmm... I might just need to come visit you. Research and whatnot, you see. purrs

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  13. *slaps paw to forehead* Sivvers, what in Ceiling Cat's name were you thinkin'!!! You won't ever get your paws on those classy stainless steel whisks. ....sigh....and Nissy, you need to get a grip on that Nip fantasy of yours...just sayin'...

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    1. Not fantasy, Savvy. Reality. Promises have been made and I have 'em on paper. I'm gettin' my nip plants, for sure. Nip farmin'.... here I come! purrs

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  14. I think you should write a book called the smart, handsome cat's guide to growing nip.I am glad Santa was good to you. Good thing Seville waited til after Christmas to pee on the peep.

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    1. Oh yeah 'cause stuff like that lands you on the naughty list, for sure. MOUSES! purrs

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  15. We've given up on our Mom's ability to grow fresh nip. :(

    The Florida Furkids

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    1. Well.. perhaps if she were to read my book? purrs

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  16. Wow, a nip farm sounds pretty awesome, Savvy! We can't believe Seville peed on your peeper!

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    1. Yup, he did exactly that AND it's not the first time, either. He did it once before, two or three years ago... FOR VALENTINE'S DAY! Peep #1 wasn't too happy about it then, either. MOUSES! purrs

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  17. nothing better than nip!! I wish I knew how to grow it, when I've tried the outside kitties massacred the plant! GOod luck!

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    1. Peep #1 has prepared for that scenario. She has a cage. A big ol' dog crate with the bottom cut off. My plants will be grown under that. purrs

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  18. You made us chuckle re: the whole nip growing process and peeps, nothing times two...awesome! We have not had luck growing nip from seeds either. But we bet you will be the bestest gentleman nip farmer evah! (PS: You are sweet and glad you liked it...we thought a nip connoisseur like you would.)

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    1. I did! I DO!!! Best nip... EVER. Guess it's like when they 'blend' stuff at the human nip store, huh? purrs

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  19. MOUSES! This was funny ... and we're sure if'n you do write THAT book, it'll be No. 1 on the NY Times best seller list. Go for it ...

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    1. Yup, I think so, too. I'm findin' out that a lot of cats out there have peeps with nip growin' problems. This book should fill a need. purrs

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  20. Nissy if anyone can be a big success at nip farming it's YOU! That nip mix you got for Christmas sounds interesting - lots of good stuff in there.......I'm not familiar with biff bags but if it's something we can push and shove around while we're sniffin' the nip, I'm all for it.

    Hugs, Sammy

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    1. Biff bags? Peep makes 'em while elfin' for Santa. Just stockin' stitch rectangles, folded over and sewn up but before you sew up the last seam, you add... NIP! purrs

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  21. Oh Seville, dude, that was...PAWSOME! High five! Though we do think your peep was very unappreciative, and kinda rude. Nissy- good luck with the nip farm.

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    1. Oh yes, I totally agree. My peep was pretty rude, for sure and very, VERY unappreciative. purrs

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  22. As long as you get plenty of nip Nissy thats all that matters,xx Speedy

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    1. That's kinda how I feel, too. purrs

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  23. I knew Santa Paws would be good to you!!!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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    1. And he was! Sure am glad I managed to get myself off the naughty list a few days ago. I would have missed out on all that nip! MOUSES! purrs

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  24. Oh Seville! Mom's are to be shared! Good luck with the nip Nissy! We grew two different kinds this year and one grew better than the other. Mom can't remember which was which...*sigh*.....Peeps......

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    1. There are different kinds of nip? MOUSES! I had better start researchin' this, ASAP. purrs

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  25. Truffle really loves the nip tends to get a little rough with Brulee, so Mom Paula doesn't let her have too much.

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    1. Alas, not every kitty can hold his or her nip. purrs

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  26. Oh my Nissy, you can make a fortune with a nip farm, I've seen it all on tele :D Pawkisses for Good Luck :) <3

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    1. And with that fortune I can buy more nip! purrs

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  27. what the nip is going on with all the nip in the world? Now Nippy gifts are the bes gifts to get, I could now it because I introduced the nip to the world ;-)

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    1. YOU introduced nip to the world, Billy? Well then, I have only one thing to say... THANK YOU!!! We owe you a debt of gratitude, for sure. purrs

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