wanna play?

Hey Peepers!  You wanna play a game?

Too late.  TAG!  You're it.

Uh Peepers, are you coming?  You do realize you've gotta chase me to catch me, right?  And you've gotta catch me to tag me back.  That's like the whole point of this game.

Uh Peepers, IN OTHER WORDS, you've gotta get up off that butt of yours.  You've gotta get a move on.  You've gotta...

Hmm...  Perhaps Tag is too difficult of a game for you.  Let's find somethin' easier.

How 'bout...   I know!  How 'bout a nice little game of Hide and Go Seek.  I'll hide first, and...

Scratch that.  I remember playin' Hide and Go Seek with you once before.  I did my part: I hid.  Several hours later, I realized you hadn't even started lookin' for me yet.

What a stupid peep.

MOUSES!

But on the other paw, I did get in a really nice nap that afternoon.  Wasn't even bein' pestered by any peeps.

MOUSES!

What's that?  What's that you're babblin' on about now, Peepers?

Oh.  You wanna play that kinda Hide and Go Seek.  Are you sure?  Do you really want me to go hide your stuff, and...

But I thought you said I WASN'T to go 'round hidin' your stuff anymore.  You know, after the little incident with the spare car keys that went missin'.

And just for the record, they weren't actually missin'.

THEY WERE HIDDEN.

And I knew where they were all along.

MOUSES!

You know, I'm thinkin' you're tryin' to TRICK me, by suggestin' we play the game where I hide your stuff all over the house and make you go find it.  Yeah, trickery like that is just the kinda thing a peep like you would do.

MOUSES!

So let's see...  What other kinds of games are there to play?

Got it.  We can play Fifty-two Card Pickup.  Be right back.

Okay, Peepers.  I went first.  Now it's your turn.  Go check out the family room floor.

What?  What's that you're babblin' on about now, Peepers?

Oh.  That.  Well...

Well the two decks of cards were in the same case, you see.  It was almost impossible for me to knock one down, without knockin' down the other.  Besides, it's not my fault.  I'm not the one who put 'em together in the first place.  That, my peep, would have been you.

MOUSES!

Try thinkin' of it this way, Peepers:  Twice as many cards to pick up, is twice as much fun!

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You finished pickin' up all those cards yet?

I'm only asking 'cause I found another game we can play.  I went first.  Now it's your turn.  Go check out the kitchen floor.

NO.,.  No, it's not another game of Fifty-two Card Pickup.  For mousin' out loud, who the mouses wants to play the same game twice in a row?  Exactly what kinda cat do you think I am?

Plus, there were no playin' cards on the kitchen counter to knock down.

But I found somethin' else.

What?  What's that you're babblin' on about now, Peepers?

I WAS JUST SAYIN', I found another game for us to play, and like I said, I've already made the first move.  It's your turn now.

You are familiar with the game, Pick up Sticks?

Yeah, well there were no sticks in the kitchen.  But have no fear, for I, Seville the Cat, am here.  And I'm pretty sure toothpicks will work as well as sticks.  Their names even rhythm.

MOUSES!

Hey, don't complain to me, Peepers.  You know perfectly well that if you leave stuff out on that end of the kitchen counter, said stuff is bound to get knocked down.  It's like a law of nature, or somethin'.

MOUSES!

Uh Peepers...  What's that look you're makin'?  Why is your face all screwed up like that?  That some kinda game you're tryin' to teach me?  'Cause in all honesty, although it's very thoughtful of you to teach me a game, there's no way MY face can be made to look like that.

And as a matter of fact, you wouldn't be makin' your face look like that, either, if you were to see yourself in a mirror right now.  But to each his own, I suppose.  To each his own...

Seriously, Peepers, stop it.  Stop makin' that face.  You're creepin' me out.  Plus, you don't want that look to stick.

Oh, so NOW you're ready to play Tag, huh?  So NOW you're ready to...

ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

New game, Peepers.  It's called King of the Castle.  I'M THE KING.  You can be the stupid, dirty ol' rascal.

And FYI, Peepers, I'm not comin' down from the top this here fridge 'til you wipe that stupid look off your face.

Let's just hope that look hasn't already stuck.

MOUSES!

you're it!

YOU'RE IT!

Shhhh...  Don't tell her where I am.  Mason, I said, don't tell her where I am.  Don't tell Peep #1 where I'm hiding!

AND DON'T POINT IT OUT, EITHER.

MOUSES!

Mason, you and I are gonna need to sit down and have a little chat about the concept of hide and seek, for sure.

Need I say it again?  Of course I do.  MOUSES!

So anyway, the first peep got a new pair of earrings.  Yup, she splurged.  Splurged on all of three dollars and ninety-nine cents worth of earrings.

And that was for the pair, by the way.  MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, she got this pair of cheap and trashy...

What's that, Peepers?  They were inexpensive and sparkly, you say?

Hmmm...  You can call 'em what you like, Peepers, but I'm calling 'em as I see 'em, and the way I see 'em is that they're CHEAP and TRASHY, for sure. MOUSES!

So anyway, Peep #1 splurged on a pair of cheap and trashy earrings, and the first thing I said to her when I saw 'em was...

"YOU KNOW HOW MUCH NIP THOSE WOULD BUY?"

Then I found out she paid under four dollars for the complete set and I said...

"Never mind.  Not all that much, I suppose.  MOUSES!"

But that's when I realized something.  That's when I realized that those earrings that looked like Christmas prezzies all wrapped up, and were danglin' from the peep's ears like no other pair of earrings had ever dangled before, were OBVIOUSLY meant...

AS TOYS, FOR ME.  MOUSES!

So I got up all close and personal with the peep.  Yup, that's right, I sidled up to her, right there on the couch.  I started to purr, so as to get her to let her guard down.  I allowed her to tickle my chin and give me scritches behind the ears.  Then I walked onto her lap.  And then, I stretched way up so that we were practically nose to nose, and I just knew...  I just knew she thought I was gonna give her nose kisses which, by the way, is somethin' peeps absolutely LOVE when cats do.

And then...

And then...

And then I lifted a paw...

And with one mighty swipe, I swatted one of those earrings with the mightiest of swats, cried "YOU'RE IT!" at the top of my lungs, and ran like no kitty has ever been seen runnin', before.

And that would be about the time when Mason told the peep where I was hidin' and ruined all of my fun.

MOUSES!