not a good idea

That's not a good idea, Saffy.  Not. A Good. Idea.

MOUSES!

I said, it's not a good idea.  It's not a good idea as in it bein' a bad idea; as in it actually bein' a really and truly, super-duper bad idea, for sure.

MOUSES!

'Cause Peepers doesn't like it when we...

Way to go, Saffy.  You've really gone and done it this time.

MOUSES!

What's that, Saffron?

Hmmm...

You know somethin', Saffy, my man?  I do believe you're right.  It IS the peeps' own fault.  Yup, it really and truly is.  She should've known better, you know?  Oh yeah, she definitely should've known better.  And in fact, I bet she did know better but went and did what she did anyway, so it was like she was encouraging you to...

Hold on a sec, Saffron.  My readers out there wanna know what's goin' on.  Best I stop and tell 'em, don't you think?

So anyway...

So anyway, it's like this: Peepers went and bought a new pair of earrings as a Christmas treat for herself.  Personally, I prefer treats you eat, but peeps are peeps and apparently they don't know what makes for a good treat.

But anyway, this non-edible treat is a Christmas treat 'cause the earrings are Christmas earrings, or so I'm told.  Little enamelled penguins, each wearin' a Santa hat with a sparklin' diamond instead of a pompom at its tip.

Okay, so the sparklin' diamonds aren't really diamonds.  I'm pretty sure they're just a couple of chunks of glass.  But the earrings were cheap, so what do you expect?

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, the cheap earrings are actually kinda cute.  Not tacky or anythin' like that.  They're cute as in...  Well...  Cute.

Oh sure, they'd be a whole lot cuter if they were little enamelled marmalade cats that looked like me; but since they're Christmas earrings, penguins are probably more appropriate, I suppose.  What with penguins likin' snow and snowy surroundings and stuff.

Unlike me.

MOUSES!

SO ANYWAY....

So anyway, the cute and cheap earrings dangle.  Yup, they dangle from her ears.  From Peepers' ears, you see.

Yeah, that's just what I said.  Peepers has two cute, cheap - but not in any way tacky - enamelled penguins wearin' Santa hats with chunks of glass instead of pompoms at their tips, danglin' from her ears.  That's right, the woman is walkin' around the house where two cats live, with penguins danglin' from her ears.  Dangling.  Did you hear me?  DANGLING.

And as you might guess...

SAFFY!  I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT WAS BAD IDEA.  STOP THAT.  STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!  STOP THAT THIS MINUTE!!!

Excuse me, my friends.  I need to go console the peep.  Saffy has been whackin' those earrings tryin' to play with 'em 'cause they're danglin' from Peepers' ears like they're toys - on account of their kinda lookin' like toys, what with their danglin' like that - and he's been whacking 'em with his claws out, and...

Gosh darn it, Saffron.  I TOLD you that wasn't a good idea.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

seventy-five weeks

SIGH

SIGH

*looks around to see if anyone is listening*

SIGH

Oh for mousin' out loud, does no one care that I'm in here, sighin'?

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, used to be, way back when, a kitty let out a loud sigh and said kitty had peeps runnin' hither and thither and yon, wantin' to know what could be done to make said kitty happy again.  But now?

NOW?

MOUSES!

SIGHS

Nope, still not workin'.  Not a peep in sight, I'm afraid.

SIGHS

So here I am, stuck here with the peeps for another week.  Another week.  Another week!  Yup, I've been stuck here with the peeps now for four hundred and eight million, two hundred and forty thousand cat seconds.

IT'S NO WONDER I'M SITTIN' IN HERE, SIGHIN'!

MOUSES!

And what are the peeps doin' about it, you ask?

Well...

Well not much of anythin', I'm afraid.

SIGHS

Oh sure, Peepers gives me a bit of a break from her, by goin' out for groceries and a few errands now and then.  I pray for long lineups at the grocery stores, my friends.  I PRAY she'll be held up for a good few hours but alas, she always returns too soon.

Now don't get me wrong.  I do want Peepers to return from her errands.  Peepers knows how to open tins and things and that is important, for sure.  But couldn't she take a little longer while out at the store?

The thing is, there's a fine line between havin' peeps hangin' around you far too much, and having 'em at your beck and call when they're required.  One is absolutely necessary while the other is...

Well...

A pain in the tail, for sure.

MOUSES!

I want my peeps there when I need 'em, at the snap of my claws.

When I NEED 'em, my friends.  When they're NEEDED.

But the rest of the time?

The rest of the time, I WANT 'EM GONE!

Not too far away, of course, lest they not hear me when I call.

Or sigh.

SIGHS.

MOUSES!

In days gone by, a kitty had peeps hoverin' about - NOT TOO CLOSE, mind you - just waitin' for said kitty to ask for a treat or a chin scritch or such.  Just hoverin' - mostly out of view - givin' the kitty space.  Not gettin' in the kitty's way.  And CERTAINLY not bein' a pest.

Nowadays though, everywhere I turn - mostly when they're unneeded - there's a peep.  And I don't understand, 'cause...

Well...

Well 'cause I would have thought that AT SOME POINT the peeps would have other stuff to do.  But this peeps-bein'-home-and-pesterin'-me-all-the-time business is BAD business, for sure.

And then...

And then...

And then, when I actually DO need a peep to top up the kibble bowl, no matter how much and how loudly I sigh...

THERE'S NOT A PEEP TO BE SEEN, MY FRIENDS.  NOT A SINGLE, SOLITARY PEEP!

Do you know what?  DO you?  Do you what I need?

What I need is a butler.  Yup, I need to hire myself a butler, for sure.

And, it would be okay, I suppose, if he were a peep.

Or a penguin.

Penguins come with their own uniform, you see.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.