BREAKIN' NEWS...

BREAKIN' NEWS...  It's snowin'.

Okay, so that's not breakin' news.  In fact, it's old news.  Very old news. Not even news at all.

Old news...  Bit of an oxymoron, for sure.

Yeah, it's snowin' again. I'm gettin' pretty sick and tired of the white stuff and let me tell you, I'm not the only one.  The peeps are tired of it, too, and so is the rest of my fur-fam. We're all anxious for spring but lookin' outside, spring is nowhere to be found.

And speakin' of lookin' outside, I used to be able to look out the bay window in my office and gaze down the driveway, all the way down to the street.  It was a great vantage point.  I could see everyone walkin' by.  That's how I was able to keep tabs on all the doggies in the neighbourhood. It's also how I spotted that man in the hat draggin' that big ol' pine branch down the street and then dumpin' it in my garden when he thought no one was lookin', way back when.  Remember that?

Well those days are no more, my friends.  Now when I look out my office window, all I see is white stuff.  There's a giant snowbank blockin' my view!  It's all Peep #1's fault.  She piled the snow there when shovellin' the path to the front door.  She says it's over five feet high although I haven't actually measured it with an inch-tape or anthin'.  But lookin' out at the mound of snow, I'm thinkin' I can take her at her word.

And speakin' of inch-tapes, isn't it kind of weird that we still call 'em that even though Canada is all metric and everythin'?  MOUSES!

And speakin' of mice, since the white stuff started fallin', there has not been a mouse to find except for those livin' in Mouseland and I only see them in my dreams.  Although come to think of it, my fur-fam and I had pretty much moused the place out even prior to the fallin' of the snow.

You know, sometimes the snow doesn't actually fall.  Today it is but there were a few days there when the snow was flyin' horizontally to the ground.  The entire province had a blizzard warnin' one weekend.  MOUSES!

And speakin' of blizzards, have you ever seen those ads on television for the desserts named after blizzards? You've really gotta wonder why someone would name food after weather phenomena.  Havin' white stuff peltin' your nose isn't much fun, at all.

And speakin' of noses, my marmie brothers have been at it again.  Just two of 'em, really.  Seville has taken to spendin' a lot of time upstairs and appears to be stayin' out of the fray.

But just this mornin', Rushton and Anderson were nose-to-nose.  Rushy had gone outside for a few minutes and when he wanted back in, Andy jumped right up on the windowsill, blockin' his entry.  Of course, the first peep was there in a flash and stepped in between 'em.  She scooped Anderson up and put him in the family room so that Rushton could get inside and out of the snow.  Those two marmies just don't wanna get along.  Don't know what the peeps are gonna do 'bout that.

And speakin' of Rushton, he started a new exercise program, the other week.  'Bout time, too. Marmies grow big, you see.  Especially marmies who are part Coon.

Anywho...  Rushton has taken to lyin' on his back a lot.  When someone passes him, peep or cat, he'll lift up his head to see who it is.  I'm pretty sure he's tryin' to do sit-ups although he hasn't quite mastered the sittin' part of those sit-ups yet.  More of a head-up, really.  Yeah, his neck seems to be gettin' a good workout, for sure.  MOUSES!

Peep #1 should take him for walks or somethin' but that will have to wait 'til all the white stuff disappears.  Gonna be a while, I should think.

Actually, we cats all like goin' for walks with the peep.  In the better weather months, we'll walk around the house with Peep #1 and when I say around, I quite literally mean around.  We go outside with her and follow her around and around and around the house, in circles.  I'm pretty sure anyone watchin' thinks it's weird but we just ignore that.  Walkin' around the house is just as good as walkin' around the block, to be sure.

But our little walkabouts will have to wait until spring. Currently, walkin' around the house would be an impossibility on account of all that moused-up white stuff stuff, you see.

Some cats will walk on a harness but my fur-fam and I aren't into that.  Peep #1 once tried puttin' me on a harness to go for a walk.  Basically, she ended up walkin' about with me in her arms.  Well she had a walk, at least.  I simply refused.

Peep #1 says she wishes that the marmie boys would walk on harnesses so that she could take 'em all in for their doctor's appointments, together.  She wants to walk into the clinic with 'em on leads.  She says it would be quite the sight and I have to agree. It really would be quite the sight to see Peep #1 tryin' to carry forty-five plus pounds of squirmin' marmie cats in her arms 'cause that's exactly how it would be.  None of us are into walkin' when wearin' a harness.  We'll put 'em on but after that, you're gonna have to carry us, for sure.

And speakin' of carryin', you should have seen Peep #1 carryin' in the groceries the other day.  She has gotten a bit lax 'bout the shovelling and the paths are not quite up to snuff, you see.  Truth be told, it was just the one day that she didn't do a good job shovellin' the path to the back door but that one day was all it took.  The ground is pretty uneven now and when the peeps walk on it, there's some slippin' and slidin' goin' on.  It's okay for us cats but the peeps seem to havin' some difficulties in keepin' their balance.  MOUSES!

And speakin' of balance...  Awww...  MOUSES!  I've got nothin' for that.

No wait a minute.  Maybe I do.

I'm tryin' to create a little more balance in my life.  Tryin' to not work day in and day out, leavin' no time for play.  I'm thinkin' that I should let Peep #1 have a little more computer time and I, Nerissa the Cat, will use that time to nap and enjoy the nip.  I think I can let the peep have at least one hour at the computer a day.

I allowed the peep to use the computer yesterday and she managed to write a whole page of her book.  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', one page isn't very much.  Well truth be told, you'd be right about that.  But for her, that's actually pretty good 'cause she's not as prolific writer as I.  MOUSES!

You know, I'm lookin' out that big ol' bay window right now and seein' that the white stuff is still fallin'.  In fact, it's fallin' quite heavily, for sure.  Will it ever end?  And exactly when might that be?  The piles of snow are gettin' bigger and bigger and we're seriously runnin' out of places to put it.

When winter does eventually end - and believe you me, I'm crossin' my paws, hopin' it does - then I'll have some breakin' news, for sure.  The fact that it is snowin' might not be newsworthy but when the snow finally stops, I'll have the story of the year.  Can't wait for that to happen although, I guess I'll have to.  Have to wait, that is.  Not much I can do to speed up the process, if you know what I mean.

On the other paw, I heard that in Boston they had machines that can melt snow.  That might speed up things a bit.  Hmmm...   Can't remember the last time Peep #1 used her blow dryer.  It's just sittin' there, doin' nothin'.  I wonder if it would melt snow.  I think it just might.

Now where do the peeps keep the outdoor extension cords?  Inquirin' minds wanna know. MOUSES!

stuck in my craw

I was watchin' the news, the other day, as I often do with my peeps.  I'm always on the lookout for a topic about which to blog, you see.

Anywho...  I was watchin' the news, when a man on that news, said he had somethin' stuck in his craw.  Yup, that's exactly what he said.

Now to be honest, I'm not sure who the man was. Nor do I remember about what he was talkin'.  But I have a funny feelin' it was somethin' kind of important.  Somethin' I should be rememberin'.  Somethin' blogworthy, for sure.

I really should have whipped out the ol' notebook and written down all the necessary information.  All the information necessary for me to write a scathing blog post...

Scratch that.  I don't use a notebook.  It's the lack of opposable thumbs, you see.  Hard to hold a pencil.

I really should have whipped out the ol' laptop and typed - which a kitty without opposable thumbs can do - in all the necessary information.  All the information necessary for me to write a scathing blog post but I'm afraid I had somethin' else on my mind.  That's right, my mind was otherwise occupied.

Was it nip?  Was it nip that was otherwise occupyin' my mind?  Believe it or not, no.  It was somethin' else...  THIS time.

When I heard this man sayin' he had somethin' stuck in his craw, all I could think of was cryin' for help.  "MEDIC!" I called.  "Get that man a medic!  He's got somethin' nasty stuck in his craw!!!"

The peeps, of course, ignored me.

I couldn't believe that no one was gettin' the man, on the news, any help.  I couldn't believe they were ignorin' his cries.  Surely someone should be performin' the Heimlich or somethin'.  Surely someone should be over there, helpin' him, pronto.

Apparently, no one cared.

I wondered if Seville and Rushton could teleport on over.  Weighin' in at well over thirty pounds between the two of 'em, if they were both to rush the man and jump onto his chest at the same time, surely they could dislodge whatever it was that was stuck in his craw.  Unstick his craw, allowin' him to breath, once more.

Of course, that would require cooperation on the part of Rushton and Seville and truth be told, at my house, it's a well known fact that marmies don't cooperate.  At least not with one another.

So again I cried, "MEDIC!" to the peeps.  And again I was ignored.

I ran to the kitchen phone, prepared to dial 911 but then I realised, I didn't know the man's name or where he was.  To where should I send the paramedics?

So I ran back into the family room, intent of obtainin' the necessary information so that I could help the poor man with whatever it was, sticking in his craw.  So that I would know where the paramedics needed to be sent.

I stared at the television.  The man was gone.  He was no more.

No need to worry, however.  He hadn't expired or anythin'.  The news had just moved onto somethin' else.  Somethin' silly.  Somethin' about somethin' of which I had absolutely no interest.  MOUSES!

That's when Peep #1 told me that havin' somethin' stuck in one's craw was nothin' more than an expression.

And that's when I told the peep, "WHAT A STUPID EXPRESSION!"  I mean, seriously...  gettin' me all worked up and worried like that over nothin'.  MOUSES!

Stuck in his craw...  STUCK IN HIS CRAW!  I'll give him somethin' to stick in his craw and believe-you-me, it won't be so easy to get out as whatever had been previously stuck in there.  I'm thinkin'... hairball.  I'm thinkin' about the biggest hairball the world has ever seen.  Stick that in your craw, mister, and don't you ever make me panic over nothin', again.

So I looked up craw in the dictionary.  Yup, I looked it up in my trusty, three-volume, master dictionary that contains just about every word known to peep and cat in the English language except those invented by me.  Words like MOUSES! that pass the Blogger and Facebook spell checks but have yet to be found in my master, three-volume dictionary.  MOUSES! I say.  MOUSES!

But let me tell you somethin', if anyone was ever entitled to have somethin' stuck in their craw, it would be me.

Firstly, I was bein' reminded that my word, MOUSES!, is not yet in the dictionary and secondly, I was still annoyed 'bout bein' so worried - NEEDLESSLY - 'bout the man I thought was in need of a medic.

Craw...  Craw...  Craw?  MOUSES!  It's a part of a bird's throat or somethin'.  A part of a bird's throat where said bird can store food.  And there I was thinkin' it had somethin' to do with fish.

Of course, the peeps had known all along what a craw was.  Sure would have been nice had they told me earlier.  Told me before I had gotten myself all worked up 'bout the man who didn't need any help and before I started lookin' through my three-volume dictionary that is incredibly heavy and difficult to leaf through for a twelve or thirteen pound cat.

And what's so bad 'bout havin' someplace to store extra food?  It may not be somethin' I wanna have, personally, but for birds, it seems to work except, of course, when it's all stuck up.

My thoughts drifted back to the man with the stuck-up craw.  Hmmm...  Now what was it he had been talkin' about when he got himself all stuck?  Was it really somethin' important?  I couldn't remember at all.  MOUSES!

I had the sneakin' suspicion that I was missin' a newsworthy topic for my blog and I wasn't happy 'bout that at all.  Apparently, I had gotten myself all worked up with worry for NOTHIN'. I was not a happy kitty.

Just goes to show you, stickin' things in craws and gettin' them stuck in there is a profoundly foolish thing to do.  Clearly, any expression expressin' such utter foolishness must be profoundly foolish, itself.  Especially when that expression goes and fools a wise and knowledgeable kitty like me.  Or should that be I?  Hmmm...

Of course, it could have been worse.  It could have been far, far worse.  I could have sent Rushton and Seville teleportin' off to who-knows-where, tryin' to unstick the man's craw by jumpin' on his chest.  Or I could have actually dialed 911, tryin' to send the paramedics off to who-knows-where in order for them to unstick that ol' man's craw that apparently was all stuck up with somethin' nasty but not life-threatenin', at all.

Thankfully, I didn't get around to doin' any of that.  Thankfully, the only ones out there who will ever know that I was tricked and deceived by a silly and ridiculous expression 'bout parts of birds' throats, are my peeps and me.  A little secret I think I shall keep to myself.

Awww...  I just realized somethin'.  By bloggin' about this, I have inadvertently told the whole wide world 'bout my bein' fooled by a stupid expression.

MOUSES!  Yup, it's a mouses moment, for sure.