I was watchin' the news, the other day, as I often do with my peeps. I'm always on the lookout for a topic about which to blog, you see.
Anywho... I was watchin' the news, when a man on that news, said he had somethin' stuck in his craw. Yup, that's exactly what he said.
Now to be honest, I'm not sure who the man was. Nor do I remember about what he was talkin'. But I have a funny feelin' it was somethin' kind of important. Somethin' I should be rememberin'. Somethin' blogworthy, for sure.
I really should have whipped out the ol' notebook and written down all the necessary information. All the information necessary for me to write a scathing blog post...
Scratch that. I don't use a notebook. It's the lack of opposable thumbs, you see. Hard to hold a pencil.
I really should have whipped out the ol' laptop and typed - which a kitty without opposable thumbs can do - in all the necessary information. All the information necessary for me to write a scathing blog post but I'm afraid I had somethin' else on my mind. That's right, my mind was otherwise occupied.
Was it nip? Was it nip that was otherwise occupyin' my mind? Believe it or not, no. It was somethin' else... THIS time.
When I heard this man sayin' he had somethin' stuck in his craw, all I could think of was cryin' for help. "MEDIC!" I called. "Get that man a medic! He's got somethin' nasty stuck in his craw!!!"
The peeps, of course, ignored me.
I couldn't believe that no one was gettin' the man, on the news, any help. I couldn't believe they were ignorin' his cries. Surely someone should be performin' the Heimlich or somethin'. Surely someone should be over there, helpin' him, pronto.
Apparently, no one cared.
I wondered if Seville and Rushton could teleport on over. Weighin' in at well over thirty pounds between the two of 'em, if they were both to rush the man and jump onto his chest at the same time, surely they could dislodge whatever it was that was stuck in his craw. Unstick his craw, allowin' him to breath, once more.
Of course, that would require cooperation on the part of Rushton and Seville and truth be told, at my house, it's a well known fact that marmies don't cooperate. At least not with one another.
So again I cried, "MEDIC!" to the peeps. And again I was ignored.
I ran to the kitchen phone, prepared to dial 911 but then I realised, I didn't know the man's name or where he was. To where should I send the paramedics?
So I ran back into the family room, intent of obtainin' the necessary information so that I could help the poor man with whatever it was, sticking in his craw. So that I would know where the paramedics needed to be sent.
I stared at the television. The man was gone. He was no more.
No need to worry, however. He hadn't expired or anythin'. The news had just moved onto somethin' else. Somethin' silly. Somethin' about somethin' of which I had absolutely no interest. MOUSES!
That's when Peep #1 told me that havin' somethin' stuck in one's craw was nothin' more than an expression.
And that's when I told the peep, "WHAT A STUPID EXPRESSION!" I mean, seriously... gettin' me all worked up and worried like that over nothin'. MOUSES!
Stuck in his craw... STUCK IN HIS CRAW! I'll give him somethin' to stick in his craw and believe-you-me, it won't be so easy to get out as whatever had been previously stuck in there. I'm thinkin'... hairball. I'm thinkin' about the biggest hairball the world has ever seen. Stick that in your craw, mister, and don't you ever make me panic over nothin', again.
So I looked up craw in the dictionary. Yup, I looked it up in my trusty, three-volume, master dictionary that contains just about every word known to peep and cat in the English language except those invented by me. Words like MOUSES! that pass the Blogger and Facebook spell checks but have yet to be found in my master, three-volume dictionary. MOUSES! I say. MOUSES!
But let me tell you somethin', if anyone was ever entitled to have somethin' stuck in their craw, it would be me.
Firstly, I was bein' reminded that my word, MOUSES!, is not yet in the dictionary and secondly, I was still annoyed 'bout bein' so worried - NEEDLESSLY - 'bout the man I thought was in need of a medic.
Craw... Craw... Craw? MOUSES! It's a part of a bird's throat or somethin'. A part of a bird's throat where said bird can store food. And there I was thinkin' it had somethin' to do with fish.
Of course, the peeps had known all along what a craw was. Sure would have been nice had they told me earlier. Told me before I had gotten myself all worked up 'bout the man who didn't need any help and before I started lookin' through my three-volume dictionary that is incredibly heavy and difficult to leaf through for a twelve or thirteen pound cat.
And what's so bad 'bout havin' someplace to store extra food? It may not be somethin' I wanna have, personally, but for birds, it seems to work except, of course, when it's all stuck up.
My thoughts drifted back to the man with the stuck-up craw. Hmmm... Now what was it he had been talkin' about when he got himself all stuck? Was it really somethin' important? I couldn't remember at all. MOUSES!
I had the sneakin' suspicion that I was missin' a newsworthy topic for my blog and I wasn't happy 'bout that at all. Apparently, I had gotten myself all worked up with worry for NOTHIN'. I was not a happy kitty.
Just goes to show you, stickin' things in craws and gettin' them stuck in there is a profoundly foolish thing to do. Clearly, any expression expressin' such utter foolishness must be profoundly foolish, itself. Especially when that expression goes and fools a wise and knowledgeable kitty like me. Or should that be I? Hmmm...
Of course, it could have been worse. It could have been far, far worse. I could have sent Rushton and Seville teleportin' off to who-knows-where, tryin' to unstick the man's craw by jumpin' on his chest. Or I could have actually dialed 911, tryin' to send the paramedics off to who-knows-where in order for them to unstick that ol' man's craw that apparently was all stuck up with somethin' nasty but not life-threatenin', at all.
Thankfully, I didn't get around to doin' any of that. Thankfully, the only ones out there who will ever know that I was tricked and deceived by a silly and ridiculous expression 'bout parts of birds' throats, are my peeps and me. A little secret I think I shall keep to myself.
Awww... I just realized somethin'. By bloggin' about this, I have inadvertently told the whole wide world 'bout my bein' fooled by a stupid expression.
MOUSES! Yup, it's a mouses moment, for sure.