isn't that special

Well isn't that special.

MOUSES!

So the peep, bein' a peep, forgot to gas up the car on Friday.

Now normally, her doin' that wouldn't bother me one bit as in general, I'm not a big fan of the car.  The car takes you places.  Places YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO.  You know, like the doctors and such.

But I digress.  Back to the lack of gas in the car.

So as I was sayin', the peep forgettin' to get gas normally wouldn't bother me, but as I was in need of a few things at the store (things like nip, nip, and more nip), the lack of gas was VERY BOTHERSOME, indeed.

MOUSES!

Now for most peeps, not gassin' up on a Friday isn't a big problem, but for my peep - my peep who does not know how to put gas in a car - it is.

MOUSES!

So bright and early Saturday mornin', right after the peep gave me my breakkies, I reminded her how she forgot to get gas the day before.  That's when she called her gas station of choice.

"Is the full service pump open on Saturdays?" the peep asked.

"I'm afraid not."

"CUR-SED MOUSES!" I cried.

The peep, bein' a peep, went all quiet.

"But I'll pump your gas for you anyway," the gas station attendant continued.

I bet 'cause he heard me cursin' those mouses.

"Just pull up to the full service pump, and honk the horn if I don't see you right away."

I sat back on my haunches and looked up at the peep.  "Awww...  Isn't that nice of him?" I said.

Then I thought about the situation.

He could have been bein' nice.  The peep says the peeps workin' at that gas station are very nice peeps, indeed.

But on the other paw, it might have been more 'bout self-preservation.

You know, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they've got warnin' notices up on ALL the walls of the gas station.  DO NOT ALLOW THAT PEEP #1 ACCESS TO THE SELF-SERVE PUMPS, is what those notices must say.

Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me one bit.

You see, not only does Peep #1 not know how to pump her own gas, but she shouldn't be ALLOWED to pump gas, either.  Lettin' my peep loose with stuff like that is just ASKIN' for trouble, for sure.

MOUSES!

It's not that she's accident prone, or anythin' like that.

It's more because she's old and decrepit.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

You're not decrepit, you say?

Really?

Really?

Are you SURE?

MOUSES!

You'll note she's not squabblin' about bein' called old.

MOUSES!

But seriously, my friends, if Peep #1 were to attempt to pump her own gas...

The world would never again be the same.

MOUSES!

Hmmm...  I wonder if gas stations charge for the gas that incompetent old decrepit peeps accidentally spill and splash all over the ground.

I wonder if gas stations charge incompetent old decrepit peeps to CLEAN UP the gas they accidentally spill and splash all over the ground.

CLEANUP PUMP THREE!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Yeah, yeah...  You're not decrepit.

Oh so you claim...

And how are we with the word, INCOMPETENT?

Don't like that one either, huh?

Then how would you describe yourself?

No answer, huh?

Hmmm...  Would you say you were, basic-skills-that-everyone-ELSE-in-the-whole-wide-world-and-even-their-DOGS-know-how-to-do challenged?

I think I would.

MOUSES!

it's here!

Oh my mouses!  OH MY MOUSES!   It's here.  It's here!  IT'S FINALLY HERE!

I'm in the nippers...  I'm in the nippers...  I'm in the nippers, YOO-HOO... Jazz paws!

This is so excitin'. Oohhh..  My tail is all a-quiver.  My order from Weasel Mart Canada dot com has arrived.

I'M SO EXCITED!  And I just can't hide it. MOUSES!

But uh...

Hmm...

Well that's not right.

Let me look at that invoice, again.

Okey doke.  Three bags of Tumbled Weed Nip.  Got 'em.  Three bags of Lacy Queen Anne's Nip. Got them, too.  But...  But...  But...  But after takin' those bags into account, THERE'S ONLY ONE BAG LEFT.  AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TWO.

MOUSES!

Let me go through them again.  There are three of this one, and three of this other one, but there's only one bag left.  Only one bag of the Mossy Wood Nip.  Only one bag, where there should be two.

MOUSES!

I'll check the invoice once more.

Hmm...  I was charged for two.  But I only got one.

Those weasels...

MOUSES!

Well there's nothin' for it but for me to call customer service.  1-800-328...

Hello.  Seville the Cat, here.  I have a problem with my recent on-line order.  Let me explain.

Yeah, I KNOW the invoice says eight bags of nip were sent and yes, eight bags were supposed to be sent, but believe me, I've looked through the package several times, and you only sent seven.

Yes, I KNOW the invoice says eight bags of nip were sent and yes, I was charged for eight bags, but believe me, I've looked through the package several times, and you only sent seven.

Yes I  know how to count.  A better question would be, do YOU?  MOUSES!

For mousin' out loud.  These weasels...

Excuse me, but may I speak with a supervisor, please?

Oh for the love of mouses, it's been like twenty minutes, and I'm still on hold, and...

Thank goodness.  I was about to give up!  Seville the cat, here.  I have a problem with my recent on-line order.  Let me explain.

YES, LIKE I TOLD THE OTHER WEASEL, I KNOW HOW TO COUNT.  And just like I asked the weasel before you, do you?  MOUSES!

No!  NO!  Darned moused-up weasel put me on hold again.

You're back!  Good.  Okay, now this is what I need.  I NEED for my order to be filled like it was supposed to be filled.  I need two bags of the Mossy Wood Nip, and I need it like yesterday.

Why?  Why do I need the nip, or why do I need it like yesterday?  Oh, never mind.  Weasels who can't get a simple nip order right, 'cause they obviously can't count to eight, aren't gonna understand why...

Well you don't have to be rude.  MOUSES!

No, I don't want you to credit my account for the missing bag of Mossy Wood Nip.  What I want is for you to send me another bag, and I'd like it to be from the same harvest as the first, please.  After all, that IS what I ordered, right?  That IS what I paid for?  So I don't see why...

What?  You understand, you say?

Well thank goodness for that.  So if you understand my problem, it should be quite simple for you to resolve it.

What?  What?  Again, you're sayin' you understand?

So...  Let me get this straight.  Do you understand my problem should be simple to resolve, or do you understand my problem, or...

What?  What?  WHAT?  QUIT SAYIN' YOU UNDERSTAND!  Clearly, you don't understand at all, 'cause...

'CAUSE IF YOU UNDERSTOOD, YOU'D BE RESOLVIN' MY PROBLEM, FOR SURE.  MOUSES!

Note to self: If I ever start up a retail business, I must never hire weasels for customer service.  They're way too weaselly by nature.

Okay.  Yeah.  I got it.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you understand.  Is that somethin' they teach you to say at Weasel Mart Canada customer service school?

For the love of mouses.  This here weasel keeps sayin' he understands without even knowin' what it is he's understandin'.

MOUSES!

Hey, Mr. Weasel!  Your mama wears ferret boots and looks like a marmot.

Yeah, yeah.  I know.  You understand.

What to do, what to do...

Okay, so CLEARLY, I'm not gettin' my second bag of Mossy Wood Nip.  The bag I ordered.  The bag I paid for with the peep's plastic card thingy unbeknownst to the peep.  The bag I...

What's that?

Yeah, yeah, you still understand.  I've got it.  Guess what.  I understand, too.

And what I understand is, I'm CLEARLY not gettin' my order filled as I ordered it. CLEARLY, that kinda thing isn't what Weasel Mart Canada dot com does.  So I guess...

I guess...

I guess...

What?  What?

Darned weasel put me only hold.

AGAIN.

MOUSES!