lion cut

Hmmm...

HMMM...

Hmmm...

I see your problem there, Peepers.  Yup, I see your problem right there.  Peepers, that's one mighty big problem you have, for sure.

Now as for a solution...

HMMM...

You know I'd help you if I could.  You KNOW I'd help you, for sure.  Thing is though, I'm thinkin' you may be be beyond any help I can personally give.

HMMM...

And anyway, how did it happen in the first place?  How the mouses did the situation get so bad?  How did things get so out of control?

Seriously, Peepers,  YOU HAVE ONE SERIOUS MAT.

MOUSES!

You know, my fur never mats like that.  But my fur is short, and not so freakishly long.  Rushy's fur is freaky, of course.  Yup, his fur IS freakishly long.  And your hair is even longer than his.

But usually...

But usually, your ponytail or bun keeps the darn stuff under control.

Which begs the question:

WHAT HAPPENED?

MOUSES!

Peepers, you know that metal scrubby thing up at the kitchen sink?

Never you mind how I know what's up at that sink.

Anyway, you know that metal scubby thing up at the sink?  The one with the mess of tangled-up wire and stuff?  You know the one I mean?

Well that's exactly what that matted hair of yours looks like.

MOUSES!

Don't complain to me, Peepers.  I'm merely the messenger.  Not MY fault you've got a wire dish scrubby thing growing out of the nape of your neck.

MOUSES!

Now you have tried using a comb, right?

Just checkin'.  But yeah, you're right.  I didn't think a comb would comb that thing out, either.

PLUS, I would imagine trying, would hurt.

MOUSES!

How 'bout using some butter?

Don't look at me like that.  Personally, if I had a mess of a mat like that, I wouldn't mind seeing if a pat of butter would get the mat out.  Of course, that's on account of my really liking butter and not 'cause I actually think slathering some on my fur would help with the mat.

Although it would taste might fine.

FACT.

MOUSES!

But back to that mat at the nape of your neck.

Hmmm....

Well Peepers, what can I say?  I'm gonna be honest with you.  I think we're gonna have to cut the darned thing out.

But don't you worry there, Peepers.  YOUR HAIR WILL GROW BACK.

And over the years, many a peep has said exactly that to many a cat.

MOUSES!

I'll go get Rushy's clippers.  I'll go get 'em right now.

Be right back.

MOUSES!

bad hair day

Whoa.

WHOA!

What the mouses happened to YOU?  You havin' a bad hair day or somethin', Andy?

And for your information, that was a rhetorical question, for sure.

MOUSES!

Ugh.  There are some things a kitty can never unsee.

MOUSES!

So anyway...  

So anyway, what did happen?  You stick your paw in an electrical outlet again?

I shouldn't have to tell you this Andy - I really shouldn't - but stickin' your paws in electrical outlets is NEVER a good idea.

MOUSES!

Ahhh...  It's a comb over, you say.

What?

AHHH...  It was the COMB, you say.

You sure 'bout that?  'Cause uh...

'Cause Andy, that's just weird.  Combs don't make cats' fur look like yours looks right now.

At least they're not supposed to.

MOUSES!

You know Andy, I love a good combin' as much as the next cat, and Peep #1 combs me all the time.  My head, my back, my tummy...  Everythin'.  But my fur NEVER, EVER looks like...

Like...

Like THAT.  You know, like what your fur is lookin' like right now.  All orange wispiness and stuff, lookin' like it's blowin' around in a hurricane gale force wind.

Although seriously Andy, I've gotta paw it to you bro, it takes a lot of talent to get your fur lookin' like it's blowin' about in the wind, without there actually bein' any wind blowin' it about.

Not to mention a lot of courage to appear that way in public.

MOUSES!

But uh...  How did you do that, anyway?

Never mind.  It's not somethin' I really need to know.

MOUSES!

Okay, fine.  I DO need to know.  Andy, how come your fur is all...

All...

All poofy and stuff.    All poofy and wispy and lookin' like it's about to fly off into the sunset or somethin'.

And are you SURE you didn't stick your paw into an electrical outlet, Andy?  'Cause had you done so, it would really explain a lot.

It would REALLY explain a LOT.

You don't say.

You DO say.

You say that the peep says you have fly away fur, because with it bein' winter and all, and our havin' the heat on in the house, the air is incredibly dry, and the friction created when she was combing you caused an electrostatic charge to accumulate on the surface of your fur and...

I knew this had somethin' to with electricity and stuff.

MOUSES!

You know Andy, Peep #1 has been known to make stuff up.  Known to just say whatever pops into her silly little head.  All to make herself look good.

Or in this case, to make herself look not bad.

You sure she's not doin' that right now?  Are you sure she's not makin' up some flimsy excuse?  'Cause seriously, bro, this blamin'-of-the-comb business sounds a whole lot like nonsensical nonsense to me.

You think she's tellin' the truth, huh?  You really do?  Huh.

Well then...

Then basically...

Basically what you're sayin' is...

THE PEEP WENT AND MADE YOUR FUR LOOK ALL FUNNY.

HOW SHOCKING.

MOUSES!