slip slidin' away

As you may or may not have heard, Peep #1 caught a bug.  Not a spider or anythin' like that.  It's winter.  It's far too cold for spiders to be out and about in Canada at this time of year.  Plus, Peep #1 isn't really into the spiders so catchin' one would not be on the top of her to-do list. She says they're icky and I sort of have to agree.

But the peep did catch a bug. At first, I thought she had caught one of those flu bugs on account of her feverish and delusional behaviour but it turned out to be somethin' else.  It turned out to be a hybrid spring-cabin fever bug.  No known cure.  We have to let it run its course.  MOUSES!

So early Monday mornin', the peep was still in her delusional state brought on by this spring-cabin fever thingy, behaving like a maniac, when everythin' hit the fan.  Well...  to tell you the truth, there were no actual fans involved.  There were things hittin' things, however.  Let me explain...

Even though the garden was covered in snow, the peep was still feverishly plantin' seeds and whatnot, behavin' like it was spring.  Due to the spring component of her illness, she was completely oblivious to the fact that it was still winter.  Due to the cabin component of this fever, she decided to head outside.

Now over the weekend, the low temperatures - did I mention it was still winter? - had frozen everythin' solid.  Our driveway was a sheet of ice.  I was searchin' for those cat-sized ice skates I ordered last year when I heard the peep headin' out the door.  I called out to her to be careful of the ice but apparently, this spring-cabin fever thingy had affected her hearin'.  She didn't listen to me at all.

I took a break from searchin' for my skates to hop up onto the window ledge and watch the show.  It promised to be a good one....  Peep TV.

Peep #1 was out the door and headin' toward the garage in search of more plant pots.  She was off like a bolt of lightening 'cause the temperatures were climbin' and it had started to rain.  She didn't want to get wet or anythin'.  One never knows when rain might cause the unexpected meltin' of peeps.  Meltin' peeps is a messy business and should be avoided at all cost.

And I just want to clarify that the peep was like lightenin'.  Even though it had started to rain, there was no actual lightenin' in the sky.  Just clouds, rain and some wind.  Hmm...  clouds rain and lots and lots of wind, to be exact.

So the peep headed across the ice-covered driveway that was gettin' slicker and slicker by the minute due to the fallin' - and quite possibly, peep meltin' - rain when all of a sudden, Peep TV started to get really interesting.  Even though the peep's legs had stopped walkin', they were still movin'.  They were slippin'.  They were slidin'.  They were slip, slip,  slidin' away.  Pickin' up speed, Peep #1 was movin' faster and faster and then, before my very eyes, the peep took flight!  SHE WAS AIRBORNE.  She soared through the air, right across the icy driveway and landed with a thump.

You know, Peep TV never disappoints.  It's right up there with Bird TV and the Squirrel Channel.

Anywho...  Remember how I said stuff hit stuff?  Well the stuff doin' the hittin' was the peep and what was bein' hit was the ground.  Peep #1 did an Olympic-worthy, four-point landin' right there in front of the garage.  Two knees, left-front paw and her chin.  All four points smacked the ice, simultaneously.  The excitement was almost unbearable.  MOUSES!

Strugglin' to her paws...  feet...  whatever, Peep #1 stumbled into the garage to dig out the flower pots. Never let it be said that my peep is easily distracted.

Returning inside, flower pots in paw, the peep looked at me and mentioned something 'bout it bein' icy outdoors.  Somethin' about her flyin' across the driveway.  I told her I hadn't noticed so that she wouldn't feel too embarrassed 'bout the dirt on her chin.

But speakin' of flyin' stuff, did you hear 'bout those marmie brothers of mine?

The other day, Seville, Rushton and Anderson were hangin' out together, on the little landin' outside the kitchen window.  Now I should explain that my marmie brothers never hang out together for the sake of camaraderie.  Nope, nothin' comaraderous 'bout them hangin' out at all.  One moment they were all sittin' there, starin' at each other and then the next moment, fur started to fly.  There was marmie fur everywhere.  Then came the yowlin' and the howlin'.  Once Peep #1 shut up, my brothers started to growl.

Let me tell you, those marmie brothers of mine have tude.

But marmies aren't the only ones with tude.  Squirrels have tude, too.  You should see 'em, struttin' about, dancin' and prancin' around on my driveway.  They're actin' like they own the joint or somethin'.

And did you hear 'bout today bein' Squirrel Appreciation Day?  That's right, they have their own day. MOUSES!  Hmm...  I wonder if mice have one too?

Anywho...  Accordin' to a reliable source, today is the day for appreciating squirrels.  The same source has revealed that it's also a day to celebrate hugs and granola bars.  I guess it's a day to hug the neighbourhood squirrels and share a granola bar with 'em.

Nah...  doin' somethin' like that would be crazy, for sure.  Crazier than a squirrel makin' nut pies kind of crazy, if you know what I mean.  Granola bars?   I don't eat granola bars.  I, Nerissa the Cat, have never eaten a granola bar in my life because I am a cat and we cats don't like things like that.

And I never did find those ice skates of mine.  Where-oh-where did I put 'em? Gotta find 'em before winter is over and there isn't any ice left for skatin'.  I wonder if the peep hid 'em somewhere. I wonder...  Oh Peepers...  OH PEEPERS...  Have you seen those ice skates of mine?  Did you hide 'em somewhere?  You're not answerin' me?  Awww...  MOUSES!

feverish

Have you even looked outside, Peepers?  It's minus ten or fifteen degrees out there. MOUSES!

Sometimes I wonder 'bout my peep.

There I was yesterday, mindin' my own business, socializin' on social media, when Peep #1 started haulin' out bags of potting mix and whatnot. She was plannin' on doin' a little gardenin' but the garden was covered in a blanket of snow on account of it bein' winter and all.  Again I say, MOUSES!

If Peep #1 was thinkin' it was spring already, Peep #1 was definitely feelin' unwell 'cause the weather was anythin' BUT spring-like.  The weather outside was frightful.  But my dear...  Oops! Sorry 'bout that.  Those lyrics just popped into my head for some reason.

Anywho...  It was not spring.  It is not spring.  It's winter and this is Canada and there's snow, everywhere.  Plus, it's cold.  Really cold.  Colder-than-shiverin'-ice-cubes kind of cold.  Hmm... Do ice cubes shiver?  Bet they would if they were to step outside my front door yesterday 'cause it was that cold, for sure.  MOUSES!

Clearly, the peep was feelin' hot when the temperature was really cold so obviously, she was feverish.  Yup, that was the only way to explain it.  The peep had a fever.  She must have been bitten by the flu bug.

Now I don't know 'bout you but I have never seen one of these flu bugs, myself.  I'm thinkin' they're like fleas except instead, they're flues.

The peeps dab us cats on the backs of our necks with stinky stuff to prevent fleas from bitin' but there doesn't appear to be a preventative flu bug dabber stinky thing for peeps.  Oh sure, Peep #1 is known to wear stinky stuff but the stinky stuff she wears doesn't appear to protect her from the flu. First of all, she likes wearin' it.  Can't be effective if you like it, I say.  Secondly, she doesn't put it on the back of her neck.  She puts it on her wrists and behind her ears and calls it perfume.  It is stinky though.  I'll give her that.  MOUSES!

Nope, peeps have to have shots to prevent themselves from bein' bitten by the flues.  Once a year, peeps congregate in doctors' offices and pharmacies and allow other peeps to give 'em their flu shots and they do so...  willingly.  Crazy, huh?  MOUSES!

But Peep #1 never gets the flu shot.  The first peep claims she has never had the flu so she needn't bother gettin' the shot.  Let me tell you, next time Peep #1 takes me to my doctor for my shots I'm gonna use that same reasoning to get out of 'em.  If it works for the peep...

Unfortunately, I don't think that line of reasonin' will work for me.  Peeps are kind of known for their hypocrisy and whatnot.  Nope, that won't work for me, at all.  Dare I say it?  Yup, gonna have to. MOUSES!

Perhaps the peep had so far avoided bein' bitten by one of those nasty flu bugs but it appeared to me that this year, her luck had run out.  Like I said, she was clearly feverish and, judgin' by her actions, she was delusional, too.

I know what you're thinkin'.  How could I tell?

Well the freezin' temperatures outside coupled with the white stuff all over everythin', everywhere, indicated that that it was still winter and yet, the peep was clearly thinkin' that it was spring. That, my friends, is delusional behaviour.  There's no other way to describe it.  I was guessin' that after finally bein' bitten by one of those flu bugs, the peep had developed a fever.  Her fever had become so bad that she was startin' to hallucinate.  I was beginnin' to worry 'bout my peep.

I put my thinkin' cap on.  My thinkin' cap, you ask?  Yeah, it's a cap I have for thinkin'.  It's pink.  I like it.  MOUSES!

Anywho...  I put on said thinkin' cap and started thinkin'.  What to do...  What to do?

If the peep's fever was brought on by a flu bug, the peep must have brought flues into the house. The house would have to be treated as well as the peep.

Perhaps callin' an exterminator was in order.  An exterminator could exterminate the flues.  Yup, an exterminator was what was needed, for sure.  I looked up Daleks in the Yellow Pages but found nothin'.  MOUSES!

The next item on my to-do list was to call the doctor.  Hmmm...  Which one?  WHO?

Should I call my own doctor or the peep's?  My gut instinct was to call the peep's doctor but truth be told, I don't even know his name.  I do, however, know the name of my doctor so I decided to call her.  Perhaps she could give the peep a pill or somethin'.

But would the peep take a pill willingly?  Would I have to pill the peep?  Pill the peep like the peep sometimes pills me?  Perhaps I could call up that Karma person and ask her to pill the peep for me. I've heard she's willin' to do stuff like that.

Anywho...  I was just lookin' for my doctor's number when the peep came over to me and asked what I was doin'.  "Nothin'," I told her as I knocked the phone book onto the floor.  The peep bent down to pick it up and as she did, I touched her forehead with a paw.  MOUSES!

The peep's forehead was cool to the touch.  She wasn't feverish at all.  It didn't make sense.  Was she not suffering the ill effects of catchin' the flu?

Apparently, the peep did not have the flu.  Apparently, she had not been bitten by a flu bug at all. Apparently, she was sufferin' from somethin' else.  I breathed a sigh of relief that I had not found the number for those Daleks.  Nothin' good ever comes of calling them.

A weird mixture of spring and cabin fevers had brought on the peep's odd behaviour.  Whether it was spring fever with a touch of cabin or cabin fever with a touch of spring, we will never really know but either way, I was right about the fever.  Yup, I was right about that, for sure.  She really was feverish but it was a weird kind of fever that affects behaviour and not body temperature.

Hmm...  I wonder if they have a shot for this spring/cabin fever thingy.  Next time I'm in to see my doctor, I'll ask. Maybe she can give the peep a pill or somethin' or better yet, somethin' stinky to dab on the back of the peep's neck. I shall have to investigate this illness further to see if there are preventative measures to avoid future outbreaks. We need to prevent bringin' such ridiculous illnesses into my house.

And once more for good measure I must say - just 'cause I wanna and of course, 'cause I can - MOUSES!