maybe...

Hmmm...

It's a good question, Peepers.  It's a good question, for sure.  And I am currently considerin' said question and formulatin' an answer in my mind.

HMMM...

Okay, Peepers, I believe I have an answer for you.  Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe he's just not all that into you.

MOUSES!

Well for starters, Peepers, you've been callin' Saffron a girl for the past year when Saffron is actually a boy.  You've even gone and given him a girls' name!  That kinda thing sticks in a cat's mind, you know.  Yup, sticks in there like pine tree sap on a cat's fur.

So what, you ask?  So what?

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin'...

Actually, scratch that.  I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE as to what you were thinkin', Peepers, when you went and gave my soon-to-be-brother a girls' name.  My bet is you weren't thinkin' at all.

But that's beside the point, you ol' peep.  Plus, I've blogged 'bout that before.  My readers don't wanna be bored with my bloggin' about it even more.

MOUSES!

But here's the thing: I know you give Saffy Saffron food and treats and all that, and I know you're gettin' frustrated with the fact that he - yes, HE - won't let you pick him up or pet him or anythin', but...

But...

But like I said, MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU, PEEP!

MOUSES!

'Cause we cats are like that, sometimes!  It takes time for peeps to gain our trust.  And the longer we've been outdoors on our own, THE LONGER IT TAKES, for sure.

FACT.

MOUSES!

Plus...

Plus maybe...

Did you ever consider...

Did you ever consider he just doesn't like the look of you?

I mean...

Well...

Well have you SEEN the state of your hair in the mornings when you go out on the veranda to serve him his brekkies?  HAVE you?

It's a tremendously scary sight, for sure.

A BEAR would run at the sight of you!

FACT.

MOUSES!

Oh yeah?  Really?  You gonna argue with me on this one, Peepers?  REALLY?

Fine.  You remember when you were out walkin' one evenin' a few months back, and you came across that big ol' black bear?  Remember how close you were to that big ol' bear?  Remember how that big ol' bear didn't attack you?  Remember how he just stood there, KEEPIN' HIS DISTANCE from you?  REMEMBER?

Well that would be on account of the state of your hair.

Didn't wanna get too close, I suspect, with your hair makin' you look all crazy and scary like that.

MOUSES!

And another thing...

And another thing, Saffron and I have discussed this at great length and she - I mean, HE!

My mouses, she's even got ME callin' Saffy a girl.

As I was sayin', Saffy and I have discussed this at great length and he has told me, in no uncertain terms, that if you're wantin' him to let you get any closer, you're gonna have to cough up some more treats, AND...

AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUPPLY ME with more treats, too.

Twenty-five percent more, sounds fair.

What's that?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Twenty-five percent is my fee.  I've appointed myself as Saffron's agent.  I get twenty-five percent of whatever he gets, you see.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

twenty weeks

Don't get any ideas, Peepers.  DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.  DON'T EVEN THINK 'BOUT BRINGIN' HIM HOME!

I'm tellin' ya...

PEEPS.

MOUSES!

So the peeps and I have been pretty much stuck here together for twenty weeks now, due to this pandemic thingy.

And just so you know, twenty weeks is one hundred and eight million, eight hundred and sixty-four thousand seconds in cat time; and that's a whole LOTTA seconds, for sure.

MOUSES!

THANKFULLY, Peepers has taken to goin' for evenin' walks once more, and I can get her out of my fur for an hour or so every night.  That means 'bout an hour less of hearin' her cry, Sivvers, don't you want to come into the family room for a cuddle?

Did I say cry?

I meant WHINE.

MOUSES!

Now durin' these last twenty weeks, we've had ZERO peeps visitin' the house.  Oh sure, the courier comes every now and then, but he just drops the parcel he's carryin' and runs.  Never gets to step inside the door.

Not that he ever did before.

MOUSES!

But other than the courier, NO ONE has stepped paw even near the house.

In other words, we're not open for visitors.


MOUSES!

But last night...

Last night, Peepers went out for her walk, and...

SHE CAME ACROSS THE BEAR.

Okay, so technically SHE didn't come across the bear.  A neighbour did.  And he cycled up behind her and said, "Just saw a bear three streets down.  Biggest bear I've ever seen."

Or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

Now YOU'D THINK that after hearin' that, Peepers would turn tail...

Ponytail?

Yeah, that works.

I suppose.

But like I was sayin', you'd think that after hearin' the biggest bear this neighbour has ever seen was just three streets over, Peepers would make a beeline for home.

But...

But my peep...

IS SUPER STUPID, AT BEST.

MOUSES!

Instead of comin' home and inside, Peepers continued along on her merry way, walkin' her usual walk.

Totally OBLIVIOUS of the bear.

Oblivious...  Stupid...  Whatever.

My PURRsonal theory is that with all this stayin' at home for twenty weeks business, Peepers is lonely.  That's she's missin' havin' other peeps over.  That she...

That she figured if she met up with the bear, she'd invite him on over for dinner.

Because as far as we know, bears don't carry the virus.

But that brings me back to what I said earlier:

DON'T EVEN THINK 'BOUT BRINGIN' HIM HOME!

MOUSES!

'Cause when one invites a bear over for dinner, one never really knows WHO that dinner might be.

Or should that be whom?

Whatever.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.