So Jon Stewart is leavin' the Daily Show, huh? Interestin'...What is even more interestin' is who will be his replacement and what is the most interestin' of all is why no one from the show has contacted me. I mean, who better to replace Jon Stewart than I, Nerissa the Cat? Who wouldn't wanna see me on nightly TV? MOUSES!
Now that bein' said, Jon Stewart is gonna be super hard to replace. The man is in a league of his own, for sure. No one - and when I say no one, I mean NO ONE, except possibly that Rick Mercer dude - has ever done the kind of stuff that Jon Stewart has done or at least if they have, I wasn't award of them doin' so which makes me kinda think that, like I said before, the man is in a league of his own. Again I must say, MOUSES!
Of course, the man is not the King of the Run-on-Sentence but only one of us can be King and... Well.. That would be me. I mean, I. Hmmm.. Yup, I is exactly what I mean although it really does sound kinda weird, I'll give you that, for sure.
So if the powers-that-be are lookin' to find some peep to fill Jon Stewart's shoes, they're gonna have a tough time with that. Even I would have an awfully tough time fillin' his shoes but you see, since I don't wear shoes, on account of my bein' a cat and all, I wouldn't even try. I might try to walk in his pawprints or somethin' like that but I would never actually try to fill his shoes.
My sister, Mason, might wanna try that though. Fill his shoes, I mean. Mason is into shoes. She's always tryin' to play with the peeps' shoes. Give her a pair of shoes and she'll stick her paws in 'em, stick her head 'em, chew on 'em, attack 'em and even possibly try to fling 'em across the room whereas I, Nerissa the Cat, am just not into that.
And speakin' of shoes... My brother Seville has discovered Valerian root. You ever try the stuff? I don't like it myself. Smells like stinky feet or at least, that's what they say. Peep #1 grew some Valerian and I gave it a sniff but it did nothin' for me. Seville, on the other paw, was right into it. He found a root growin' out of the bottom of a pot and was on that root like nip on cheese or better yet, me on a nip mouse. You give me a nip mouse and I'm gonna be on that, for sure.
Now of course, I have no idea whether or not Jon Stewart's shoes smell like Valerian root and therefore, like stinky feet but IF they do, Seville would wanna try to fill 'em, for sure. He'd be stickin' his head in those shoes and dreamin' of Valerian root. You see, that's what cats like Seville do. MOUSES!Once I came inside the house with stinky paws but it was a totally different kind of stink. It happened last year, before Peep #1 went and ruined our outdoor loo by plantin' all those primroses in it. Anywho... There I was, diggin' in the loo when I accidentally dug in the wrong spot, diggin' up someone else's... poo.
Diggin' in that exact spot was not a good idea, I can assure you. Not that it actually was an idea. Wasn't done intentionally or anythin'. I dug in the wrong spot totally by accident but let me tell you, I'll never do that again. And the worst part was the embarrassment of the whole situation. I had to ask Peep #1 to clean off my paws for me 'cause quite frankly, I wasn't touchin' that stuff, myself. MOUSES!
But back to the topic at paw. I can think of no valid reason why I, Nerissa the Cat, should not be offered the job of replacin' Jon Stewart on the Daily Show. Can you?
Don't answer that.
But if your answer is no, you can go ahead and answer it all you like.
Normally I don't like the word no but I've found that if one words the question carefully enough, an answer of no can be kind of like the cat's meow.
And in other news, Valentine's Day is this weekend. Yup, only a few days away so if you haven't made preparations, now is the time to prepare those preparations, for sure.
I've decided to break with tradition this year and give the peeps nothin' but love for Valentine's Day. In previous years, I've given Peep #1 stuff like a rose bush or a bottle of stink but those prezzies always came back to haunt me. For instance, the potted rose I gave her a couple of years ago ended up occupyin' a sunpuddle in the sunroom. It was a really good sunpuddle, too. Can't tell you how much I missed lying in that sunpuddle on account of that stupid ol' rose bush sittin' there. Sittin' there in the middle of my favourite sunpuddle and tauntin' me. MOUSES! I am never makin' that mistake again.
And as for givin' the peep a bottle of stink... Do you know what happens when your peep puts on that stinky stuff just prior to pickin' you up and givin' you a cuddle? I can tell you exactly what happens. You end up stinkin' of stink, too.
Now if someone were to invent nip perfume...
Hmmm.... I think I shall put inventin' nip perfume on my to-do list. There's nothin' stinky 'bout nip stink and that's a fact, for sure.
The weatherpeeps are threatening that there will be more white stuff arrivin' this Friday but if they're right, I'm gonna pack up all that snow and mark it with, "return to sender." I've had it with the white stuff. I'd say, "I've had it up to here," but quite frankly, I can't reach the 'here.' I'd have to get the big ladder out of the garage to reach the 'here' in 'had it up to here' but I can't do that on account of the pile of white stuff, blockin' me from gettin' into the garage. MOUSES!
So there you have it, my friends. That's the news of the hour. The news of the day. The news of the week, for sure. If I happen to hear from the Daily Show in the next day or two, I'll let you know. If not, I'll see on you Sunday. Enjoy the rest of your week. purrs
