should have used a whisk

Previously on Nerissa's Life...  Nissy returned to filling out the forms. "One down, nine hundred and ninety-nine to go," he muttered. "MOUSES!"

Nissy threw down his pen triumphantly and cried, "Done! Gosh that was a lot of forms but we did it, Seville. We filled 'em all out.  Now we can go meet those little control freaks next door."

"Doubt they like bein' called control freaks," Seville told his brother.  "I know I sure wouldn't."

"Well I'm just repeatin' what Weatherby called 'em and besides, their job is to control the weather. The word control is bound to come up.  Come on...  let's go find Weatherby and have him introduce us to the freaks next door."

Nerissa and Seville looked high and low for Weatherby.  They looked under desks and up in cupboards but couldn't find a trace of the man.  Nissy even climbed a couple of trees growing in the Worldwide Weather Offices, just in case Weatherby was hiding in one of them but there was no sign of the elusive man, anywhere.

"Come on Sivvers," decided Nissy, "we'll go next door on our own.  We don't need that Weatherby character to show us the way.  This is just typical governmental bureaucracy.  When you need someone to help you, they're never around."

The two cats made their way down the hall, stopping before large glass double doors.  Printed on the glass was, WWO CONTROL.  "This must be the place," Nissy thought aloud and as he stepped closer, the doors swung open.

They were almost knocked over by a blast of hot air, emanating from the office and the snow just outside the office doors began to melt.  "ALOHA!" cried a man from inside.  He was dressed in clothes one would wear to a beach and Nissy thought for sure he must be heading off on vacation. "Come on in!" and the cats were invited to join the man for drinks and a little something to eat.

Nissy looked longingly at the burgers before him.  "You have snacks?  Those aren't veggie burgers, are they?" he asked suspiciously.

"Mmmm...  no...  they're deli...  delicious," Seville informed his brother between bites.  "Taste different from regular burgers though.  Mmmm...  Think they might be made with pork or somethin'," and he wiped some ketchup from his chin.  "Have some, Niss.  You'll love them."

"Er-hrm...  first things first.  I'm Nerissa and this is my brother, Seville.  We're here about the ridiculously unpredictable weather in Nova Scotia and my inability to build a snowcat.  And your name is...?"

"My, aren't you a serious little kitty.  Name is Torin Weatherby.  You can call me Tori.  Everyone does.  I'm the Chief Weather Controlling Officer.  That's me," he preened, "CWCO Tori Weatherby."


"Hmmm...  isn't Tori a girls' name," Nissy asked.  "Uhhh...  actually, never mind," he decided, thinking about his own name and the fact that he was a mancat.  "You related to William Weatherby next door?"


"We're brothers," and Tori slurped down the rest of his drink.  "So you think you need some snow in Nova Scotia this winter and you came here to ask for it? You came here?  Why here?"

"These are the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division.  Where else would we go?"

Torin ignored Nerissa's question, entirely.  "Want, want, want...  Everybody wants something from Ottawa.  They want this and they want that.  Everyone can't get what they want.  Everyone can't have winter weather.  There's only so much winter weather to go around!  If we gave everybody in Canada winter weather, there wouldn't be enough cold air to freeze up the Rideau Canal.  Where would we skate?"

"But...  uh..."  Nissy paused.  "Exactly what are your qualifications for this position, Weatherby?"

Torin Weatherby gave the cats a cold, icy stare.  Icy enough to freeze all of Canada in once glance. "I told you, William is my brother.  I have friends in high places, you know.  You might want to watch your step."  Then he suddenly smiled and said, "Look, we're all friends here.  No reason for us to argue.  Truth is, I'm on my way to have some fun in the sun.  I seriously need a vacation. Christmas holidays were so long ago."

"But that was only a month..." Nissy began.  "Never mind.  You go on your holiday and tell me who will be left in charge while you're away."

"No one really," yawned Tori.  "The weather scientists, I suppose.  I'm off.  See you in March!" and with that, Torin Weatherby disappeared out the door.

The two cats stared at one another, not knowing how to respond.  Seville grabbed another burger from the BBQ while Nissy wandered over to a corner of the office seemingly unaffected by the heat suffocating the rest of the room.  He began to inspect the piles upon piles of textbooks and manuals lying before him.  "Hey Sivvers!  These are all books on controlling the weather.  With that Tori character gone, you and I can figure out how to direct some proper winter weather to Nova Scotia."

Nerissa and Seville spent the next few hours pouring over the various manuals and taking a break every now and then to snack on a burger or two.  The weather controlling business didn't appear to be all that difficult.  All they needed to do was follow the instructions.  Nissy couldn't understand why Torin Weatherby had been unable to provide Nova Scotia with winter weather, himself.

"And who do we have here?" asked a man wearing a white lab coat who had suddenly appeared before them.  "Cats trying to control the weather?  Yes?"

"Are you one of the scientists?" asked Nissy.  "So pleased to meet you," and he extended a paw to shake the man's hand.  "I'm Nerissa the Cat and this is my brother Seville."

"Ah yes...  I have heard about you.  Weatherby mentioned you were here."

Nissy didn't bother to ask which Weatherby had mentioned their arrival.  "Anywho...  I think I've figured it out.  Figured out how to make it snow in Nova Scotia and skip the rain until...  well... spring."

"Well, well, well...  aren't you a clever kitty," said the man whose name tag read, Professor Weatherby.  "I do know what I'm doing, you know.  There were other scientists before me who thought they understood the weather but...  well...  we got rid of them.  They kept finding the wrong results."

"Finding the wrong..." began Nissy.  "Never mind.  Let's just get this show on the road, shall we? Now Professor Weatherby, if you take this chemical and then add these two and then some of this red stuff.  What is this anyway?  Is this tape?  Never mind.  Then we need to heat it up.  You have any Bunsen Burners around?"

"No, we don't use those," explained Weatherby.  "Due to government cutbacks, we just burn these when heat is necessary," and he tossed several crumpled up papers into what looked like another BBQ.  Nissy peered at the papers before Weatherby tossed in a lit match.  They looked familiar. Sure enough, they were some of the many forms he and Seville had filled out earlier.  Nice to know they were being put to good use.

Professor Weatherby followed Nerissa's instructions to the letter and before long, sparks started to fly.  Not from the BBQ but rather, from space and time itself.  There was a bolt of lightening and then another, followed by more sparks.  The glass doors to the office violently flew open and the cold air from the hall filled the entire room.  The sandy area where Tori Weatherby had entertained them with burgers and fancy drinks a few hours earlier, frosted over and snow began to fall from newly formed storm clouds.  Something was definitely working...  or not.  Nissy wasn't quite sure.

"Take that!" a familiar voice cried and the two MPs the cats had seen earlier came running through the offices, still throwing snowballs at one another.  Nissy surmised this must be part of their daily ritual.  "This will teach you for voting against my bill!"

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light and then complete darkness. When the emergency lights came on, Professor Weatherby was nowhere to be seen.  He had vanished into thin air. The cats were alone in an icy cold, snow-filled office.  Little flashes of light began to appear before them again. One of the MPs ran past.  A few snowballs flew by.

"Hmmm...  Sivvers?  I think that uh... um...  that you and I should teleport on home now.  Our work here appears to be done and I have a sneakin' suspicion I screwed up the space time continuum with that flask of stuff I had Ol' Professor Weatherby brew up.  Didn't like the way he was sloshin' it about and stuff.  He should have used a whisk.  We should probably head on back while we still can. Let's just hope there's some Nova Scotian snow for us when we arrive home."

"I know!  We can build a couple of snowcats and then, after that, we'll build a snow Weatherby!  That should be fun, huh?  Come on...  let's get out of here while the goin' is still good," and the cats quickly teleported out of Ottawa and back to Nova Scotia, leaving the mayhem they had caused behind them.

winter wonderland... NOT!

"Not again.  MOUSES!" Nissy cried as he turned away from the window and stomped across the kitchen floor.  "I'm gonna have to do somethin' about that weatherman.  HE'S DOIN' IT ALL WRONG!"

"What's up, Nissy?" asked Seville. "What has got your fur all ruffled this time?"

"Have you been outside?  I was gonna go out and play in the snow but just look at it out there!  The snow is all meltin' and it's startin' to rain again.  I was all ready for a little fun time.  Fun in the sun...  and the snow.  A winter wonderland kind of fun.  Thought I might make a snowcat or somethin'.  Can't make a snowcat out of rain," Nissy grumbled.

Seville glanced outside.  "Think spring might be on its way.  That means primroses and daffodils and sunpuddles.  All good stuff, Niss."

Nissy let out a loud sigh of exasperation.  "It's only January, Seville.  We still have all of February and most of March to go before spring.  Just look at the calendar," and he pointed up at the wall. "See?  Another six weeks of winter at least."

"Seville," and Nerissa stretched out a paw to touch his marmalade brother on the shoulder, "there's only one thing for it.  You and I are gonna head on over to the Worldwide Weather Offices and have a little chat with whomever is in charge over there.  Those weather peeps have got some explainin' to do, for sure.  Now, where did I put that card..."  Nissy started rifling through the various business cards stuck to the refrigerator with magnets.

"Got it!" Nissy cried exuberantly.  "Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division.  I just knew this would come in handy sometime.  Come on Sivvers, you and I are goin' to Ottawa.  SIVVERS!  Prepare the teleportation device.  Here are the necessary co-ordinates," and he thrust the business card into Seville's paw.

"Okay...  if you insist.  Nissy, grab an egg beater and hop in the pan and this time," suggested Seville, "let's bring along some snacks."

"Good thinkin'," and Nissy grabbed a couple of burgers that happened to have been left out on the counter, hoping against all hope, they weren't veggie burgers meant for the peeps' lunches. Remembering the time he accidentally bit into a veggie burger by mistake, sent a shiver down his spine and being a cat, Nissy had a very long spine to shiver.

Within seconds the two cats were hovering over Parliament Hill.  Seville made a sharp turn, narrowly avoiding a collision with a Canadian flag.  They landed softly in a snowdrift, just outside a small door which appeared to lead into an obsolete area of one of the Parliament Buildings.

Nissy stood up, brushing some snow off himself and giving his tail a shake.  He tossed the disgusting veggie burger over his shoulder and quietly vowed to never again steal a burger from either of his peeps.  He looked around at the white landscape.  "I see they have plenty of snow here," he muttered to himself.

Approaching the door before him, Nissy paused before turning the knob and pushing it open.  A gust of cold air hit him in the face, causing him to wince and turn away just in time to see a snowball soar past his head and hit Seville in the face.  "This is the place," Nissy proclaimed.  "I've heard about there bein' snow and whatnot inside the Worldwide Weather Offices.  Weird stuff but you know... Canadian weather is known to be weird."

The two cats entered the room which appeared far larger on the inside than they had expected it to be.  There were trees growing inside the offices.  Growing right out of the ground.  No plant pots or anything.  And the floor was covered in a layer of snow.  Had Nissy not known better, he would have sworn that they were outside.  He gazed up at the ceiling which had to be at least twenty-five feet high.  Large snowflakes were falling from above.  Catching one on his tongue, it melted.  "Yup, that's snow alright," he decided.  Floating above their heads, were clouds.  Some were white and fluffy while others were dark and ominous looking.  Nissy wondered if a storm might be brewing.

Movement caught Nissy's eye and he looked over at an open door just in time to see a man running past it and down the hall.  "Take that!" cried a second man, throwing a particularly large snowball at the first.

Seville looked at his brother, questioningly.  "Uhhh...  Niss...  Were those two men Senators?" he asked.

"No...  No...  No, I'm pretty sure they were both MPs.  One of 'em might even be a Cabinet Minister or somethin'.  He looks kind of familiar.  MOUSES!  No wonder our country has got political problems."

It wasn't long before a little man carrying a stack of books appeared before the cats.  "And how may I help you?" he asked.  "Don't see many cats around here these days.  There used to be lots of cats in these here parts but not so many now.  Nice to meet you.  My name is Weatherby.  William Weatherby at your service," and he extended a hand to shake the cats' paws.

"Hey there.  I'm Nerissa and this is my brother, Seville.  We're here about the weather."

"Well of course!" exclaimed Weatherby.  "Why else would you come to the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division?"

Nissy took Weatherby aside and explained to him the issues he was facing regarding the weather and his inability to build a snowcat.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk...  You experienced sub-zero temperatures, icy conditions, a blizzard, clear weather, snow, rain, snow, more rain and more snow all within a week?  My, my, my...   That is strange. Very strange, indeed.  Even for Canada," Weatherby said to Nissy.   "And this was all just last week?  In January?  Hmmm...."

"It was and the day after the blizzard, the peep dug out paths for me in the snow.  They were like castle walls.  Over a foot high, they were," Nissy explained to Weatherby.  "Such fun sneaking around in those paths but then the very next day, the rain came along and turned my castle walls into ruins.  Not so great, if you know what I mean."

"May I ask if this odd weather had been forecast?" asked Weatherby.

Seville stepped up beside Nerissa, ducking another flying snowball thrown by one of the two MPs running past the open door again, this time in the opposite direction.  "Yes Mr. Weatherby, the weird weather was forecast.  I heard our peeps talking about the odd weather after listening to it on the news."

"Well then," considered Weatherby, "clearly this is a problem with control and not forecasting. Controlling the weather is governed by a sub-committee.  It's a Parliamentary sub-committee of a subcommittee of one of the many sub-committees.  Their offices are just next door but before you can even speak to any of those little control freaks, you'll need to fill out a few forms."  Weatherby snapped his fingers and two young assistants appeared, each pushing a cart through the snow on the floor.  The carts were heavily laden with five foot high stacks of forms.  Weatherby introduced the cats to Jack and Jill Frost, his two office assistants.  "Start filling out these forms," he instructed the cats, "while I go get you the rest of them.   And some tape.  After you fill out all the forms, we'll stick them together with some red tape."

Nissy and Seville looked up at the stacks of forms.  They looked way, way up.  "We have to fill out all of these forms?" they asked in unison.

"Of course," answered Weatherby.  "What did you expect?  This is Ottawa."

At that moment, one of the dark, ominous-looking clouds that Nissy had noticed when they had first entered the Worldwide Weather Offices, let loose with a heavy downpour of rain.

"MOUSES!" Nissy cried and several dozen mice appeared, dragging large umbrellas for the cats to use.  Nissy and Seville each popped open an umbrella and started filling out the dozens upon dozens of forms that lay before them.

"I'll go get you the rest," Weatherby told them.  "Be back in a jiff!" and with that, he disappeared into the hall where, the snow appeared to still be falling and even more heavily than before.

Weatherby slipped on some ice.  The two MPs were still running back and forth through the halls, throwing snowballs and tripped over Weatherby. A snowball rolled into the room, stopping by Nerissa's right-hind paw. Nissy looked down at the snowball and then over at the men and glared.  All three jumped up before scurrying away.

Nissy returned to filling out the forms.  One down, nine hundred and ninety-nine to go," he muttered. "MOUSES!"


Be sure to return on Sunday February 2nd, for part two of the cats' adventure.  Stay tuned...