stop doin' that, right now!

That's a good way to make yourself sick, there, Saffy my man.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Saffron?  What's that you're babblin' on...

Okay, so you really aren't a babbler.  Not like the peep is, anyway.

Hmmm...

What?  What's that, Saffy?  What's that you're gripin' on about now?

Gripin'.

Better.

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was sayin', that's a good way to make yourself sick, Saffron; SO STOP DOIN' IT, RIGHT NOW.

MOUSES!

No, I'm not worried I'm gonna get sick if you get sick 'cause it's not that kinda sick, that is.

Yeah, I know.  I know that last sentence didn't make that much sense.  But it sounded good, to be sure.

Kinda like my ol' pal, Shakespeare.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, Saffy, LIKE I WAS SAYIN', you keep on doin' what you're doin' and you're gonna make yourself sick, to be sure.  And I'm not gonna be all sympathetic and carin' and askin' you how you're feelin'; 'cause that's simply not the kinda cat that I am.

I'm more of a told-you-so kinda cat, I do believe.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, I'm thinkin' you should stop doin' what you are doin', right now.

NOW.

Now, I said.

NOW!

Oh for Pete's sake, Saffron, my man.  STOP LICKIN' THE PEEP'S HAND, RIGHT NOW.

What?

No, I have no idea who Pete is.  Probably some peep whose germy hand got licked by some cat.

Or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

But back to the subject at paw: she doesn't really like it, you know.  Peepers doesn't really like havin' you lick all over her hand.  I know your tongue isn't all slobbery like a doggy's would be.  I know it's more dry and scratchy, like mine.  And I know she might SAY it's super cute and all that but I'm pretty sure she doesn't really like it at all.

Which is why I, Seville the Cat, never lick peeps' hands.

Well, that, and the fact that one never really knows where peeps' hands might have been.

Which is why...

Which is why you shouldn't be lickin' peeps' hands.

Goodness knows what peep germs you might get.

Not to mention other things, like peep fleas, or whatever they have.

Plus, this new habit of yours is gettin' a whole lot of oohin' and ahhin' attention and quite frankly...

Quite frankly...

Quite frankly, YOU gettin' all those oohs and ahhs are MAKIN' ME LOOK BAD, TO BE SURE.

That kinda attention is much better directed at me.

So stop it right now, Saffy.  Stop it, right now!  Go find yourself somethin' safer to lick.  Go look for somethin' outdoors.  I think I saw a dead mole or vole or somethin' or other out there a few weeks ago.  Go give that thing a good lick.

Better yet (smiles, menacingly), why don't you bring it indoors.

Yeah, why don't you go find some dead critter to bring on inside.  I'm sure Peepers would LOVE seein' you bringin' that into the house.

Then maybe some of those cutesy pie oohsy ahhsy remarks will be directed MY way, once more.

MOUSES!

where did I go wrong?

Now as some of you may already know, I, Seville the Cat, am not really a cuddle-up-with-the-peeps-in-bed kinda guy.  Never have been, never will be.

MOUSES!

But Saffy, on the other paw...

Well when my brother first came to live inside with us, Saffy Saffron Sassifras felt the same way as I.  Yup, I taught my new brother the rules and Saffy agreed: if a peep puts you on a bed, the first thing you do is jump right back down to the floor.

MOUSES!

But as of late...

Well as of late, Saffy Saffron Sassifras has decided he LIKES sleepin' on beds.

With peeps.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MOUSES!

Where did I go wrong?

Yup, it's true.  Saffy Saffron Sassifras actually LIKES sleepin' on beds - WITH peeps - nowadays.  Actually LIKES it, he says.  Likes as in...

Well...

Likes.

Again, can you believe it?

MOUSES!

Oh where-oh-where DID I go wrong?

And he doesn't sleep just any-ol'-where on the bed.  Nope, not just anywhere, at all.  Saffy Saffron Sassifras likes to sleep right in the middle.  Right smack down in the middle of the bed, he does.  And then he likes to stretch out.  Stretch way out.  Way, way, waaaay out.  Yup, he likes to stretch way out so his front paws are reachin' for one side of the bed, and his tail for the other, and...

Well...

Well let me put it this way:  last night, Saffron was in bed before Peepers with the result that Peepers had to sleep on the very edge of the bed, and...

And...

And the darned peep nearly fell out!

Of the bed, that is.

'Cause in THIS house, one never moves a cat outta their way.

MOUSES!

Methinks Peepers might need an inflatable mattress or somethin' like that.

You know, so if Saffy gets the best part of the bed first, Peepers doesn't have to sleep on the floor.

Well she still might, of course.  She still might have to sleep on the floor, that is.

'Cause remember, in THIS house, one never moves a cat outta their way.

Not ever.

But at least with an inflatable mattress, she'll be comfy on that there ol' floor.

Sorta.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

you ever notice?

Bonjour mes amis.

Guttentag!

Buenos dias a todas?

MOUSES!

You ever notice...

You EVER notice...

You ever notice that when we kitties wanna communicate with our peeps, we kitties end up havin' to do all the hard work?  We kitties always have to learn peep languages, rather than peeps learnin' how to speak Cat.

MOUSES!

Oh sure, peeps'll learn French and German and Spanish and a myriad of other languages - or at least they'll try - but when it comes to their learnin' how to speak Cat...

Well...

Well MOUSES!

Take my Peepers for instance.  I'm tellin' ya, she doesn't know her meows from her mews.  Or her mews from her meows, for that matter, either.  I tell her to do one thing, and she totally misunderstands and goes and does the complete opposite, for sure.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', what with Peepers bein' a somewhat obstinate peep and all, she probably DOES understand Cat and is just doin' the opposite of what I've asked her to do just to be...

Well...

Obstinate.

You know, like a peep.

MOUSES!

Now to tell you the truth, if that was what was goin' on, I'd actually have a little respect for that.  That kinda behaviour is truly catlike, for sure.  But no, that's not what's happenin' here.  Not what's happenin' here, at all.

I've tried to trick her, you see.  Well test, really.  I've tested her by tellin' her to do the opposite of what I want her to do, in order for her to do the opposite of what I've asked, which would be what I wanted her to do all along.  And if she really did understand Cat, my scheme...  I mean, test, would work; but alas, she just goes and does whatever she was gonna do anyway, without listenin' to my directions at all.

Yup, typical peep.

MOUSES!

And then there are the times when she has ATTEMPTED to speak Cat.

Now I say attempt on account of my ASSUMIN' she was makin' an attempt; but whatever she was sayin' was complete gibberish, for sure.  Her duncification was so obvious, it was painful to my ears.  Literally painful!  TO MY EARS!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Duncification is too a word.  I used it in a sentence and everythin'.  I used it correctly, too.

Unlike your use of the word meow.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

under the bus

Or in this case, under the THROW.

MOUSES!

And he super duper deaded 'em, for sure.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' Saffy Saffron Sassafras has gone and done it again.  And you know somethin', my friends?

YOU WOULD BE RIGHT.

MOUSES!

Yup, yup.  Uh-huh, uh-huh.  Yeah, like I said, that is correct.

MOUSES!

So in my last blog post, I told you all 'bout how Saffy was playin' with Peepers' cheap earrings with his claws out and yes, Peepers does now have the scars to show it even if they are small scars, and probably won't leave any actual scars at all.  Not long-term, anyway.  The woman heals quickly.  Good thing, too, on account of Saffron havin' sharp claws.

What's that you're askin'?  You're wonderin' why Peepers doesn't clip Saffron's claws?

Well...

Well if the point of clippin' the claws is to prevent Saffron from using 'em for accidentally scratchin' Peepers, the actual act of clippin' those claws is likely to TOTALLY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY defeat the supposed purpose of clippin' those claws.

In other words, Peepers is gonna end up with way more scratches after the clippin' than she had before.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, as of the night before last, Saffron has a new form of entertainment to keep him occupied.  Saffron has discovered that monstrous monsters live under blankets and throws.  And these monstrous monsters MUST BE STOPPED at all costs.  Caught and nipped and have claws sunk into 'em and so on and whatnot and stuff.

Of course, the fact that those monstrous monsters happened to actually be Peepers' toes...

Well...

I believe that's what we in the know call collateral damage, my friends.  Yup, collateral damage, for sure.

Either that, or unintended victims.

Or maybe those are one and the same. 

OR MAYBE Peepers just has monstrous monsters for toes.

MOUSES!  

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

sixty-nine weeks

I remember, way back when...

Way back when, I remember when visitin' the vet got a kitty a few extra treats, some chin scritches, and a cuddle.  That was about it.

MOUSES!

That's right, a kitty gets his shots and said kitty gets - like I said - a few extra treats, some chin scritches, and a cuddle.

EVEN IF SAID KITTY DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE CUDDLED!

Oh sure, treats?  They're good.  Yup, treats are always good.  Chin scritches are, too.  But cuddles?

MOUSES!

Peeps, on the other paw...

I'm tellin' ya, Peepers went to the vet on Friday for her shots, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Yeah, yeah, so you didn't actually go to the VET.

Let me tell you somethin', Peepers, you'd be so lucky as to get to go to my vet.  I mean, Dr Teresa is great.  Dr T is the best!  Why, I remember once when she crawled right in my cage with me, just to make me feel better.  Has YOUR doctor ever done anythin' like that?

Didn't think so.

MOUSES!

So you didn't go to the vet, Peepers, but you did go for your shots.

Rabies, this time, was it?  I thought you were lookin' a little rabid last week.

Yeah, yeah...  I know.  I'm just joshin' you, ol' peep of mine.  I know you went for your COVID vaccine.

MOUSES!

But the thing is...

The thing I'm tryin' to explain...

The thing is, when a kitty gets his shots, said kitty gets a few extra treats, some ch...

I KNOW I already talked about that.  I'm sayin' it again 'cause it warrants bein' said twice.  Even thrice, I should think.

The bottom line is, a peep goes to the vet...  Oh yeah, my bad.  Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...  A peep goes to the COMMUNITY VACCINATION CLINIC for her shots, and what does a peep get?

Well I'll tell you what a peep should get.  A peep should get NOTHIN', is what said peep should get.  I mean, peeps take us cats for our shots and then they expect cuddles!

Like givin' us unwanted cuddles is really gonna benefit us.

But peeps?

Why, peeps get their shots and then EXPECT the world at their feet.

"We're having nachos for supper because I like nachos and, after all, I did just get my second vaccine."

"Why yes, I'd love another drink.  After all, I did just get my second vaccine."

"But I LIKE binge watching The Closer on Friday nights and after all, I did just get my second vaccine."

Yup, she was milkin' it for all it was worth.

MOUSES!

Me, me, me...  That's all peeps think about, isn't it.  For the past sixty-nine weeks - ie. three hundred and seventy-five million, five hundred and eighty thousand, eight hundred cat seconds - ALL I'VE HEARD from ol' Peepers is ME, ME, ME.

I mean, her.

You know what I mean.

MOUSES!

Well let me tell you somethin', ol' peep of mine.  YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' ANY CUDDLES FROM ME.

If you like, I'll paw you over an extra treat.

I'm not overly partial to those liver ones, anyway.

They taste like liver, you see.

Bleh.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

thirty weeks

Happy Thanksgivin' everybody.  HAPPY THANKSGIVIN'!!!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', durin' this ol' pandemic thingy - which, by the way, is gettin' older and older by the day - for what do I have to be thankful?

Well...

Well for starters, EVEN THOUGH I've been pretty much cooped up in this here ol' house with a couple of good for nothin' peeps for like...

For like one hundred and sixty-three million, two hundred and ninety-six thousand cat seconds, at least...

WELL...

Well at least we're all safe and sound.

MOUSES!

You know, there are peeps out there complainin' about complainin', and I'm like...

COMPLAININ' IS WHAT WE CATS DO, and we cats do it best.  Go get your own hobby, you good for nothin' peeps.

MOUSES!

But seriously, I'm like...

I'm like, hey, we're all safe, we're healthy, and we're sound.

Well at least I'm sound.  If we're talking 'bout bein' of sound mind, I can't speak for the peeps.

MOUSES!

The thing is, I really and truly am thankful.  I'm thankful for a whole lot of things.

I'm thankful that even though I've been cooped up in this ol' house with the peeps...

Did I mention how they were good for nothin'?

But that's beside the point.  Yeah, their bein' good for nothin' is besides the point, for sure.  The important thing is, even though I've been cooped up in this ol' house with the peeps for thirty weeks, AT LEAST WE HAVE a house in which to be cooped up, and that's somethin' to be thankful for, for sure.

I'm also thankful for the food on my plates that I didn't eat, along with the food in my tummy that I did.  And I'm thankful for cream and treats and other tasty things.

AND NIP!  I mustn't forget 'bout the nip.  I'm SUPER THANKFUL for that.

And I'm thankful that Peepers finally figured out how to thread the sewin' machine and made me some biff bags and nip mice and stuff.  I'm also thankful that even though she also used that very same machine to make masks for herself and Peep #2, she didn't make any for me.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of masks, I'm thankful that when Peepers goes shoppin' for my fuds, she always first puts on her mask to stay safe.  I'm also thankful for the all the other peeps out there who don their masks, too, keepin' my Peepers safe so that she can come home to me safe and sound, although not necessarily of mind, as we discussed earlier on.

I'm thankful for all my pals who read my blog, and visit me on Facebook and Twitter.  I love each and every one and don't know what I'd do without 'em.

But I'm also thankful for the block buttons on Facebook and Twitter.  You know, for when peeps I DON'T EVEN KNOW start gettin' all up in my furs 'bout this ol' pandemic thingy, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What do you MEAN it's not nice to be thankful for bein' able to block peeps who annoy me on social media?  What do you MEAN?

*scratches behind an ear*

Okay, so APPARENTLY this bein' thankful thing isn't like prayin' or anythin' like that.  Bein' truthful isn't required.

MOUSES!

*sneers in the direction of the peep*

I'm still thankful for that block button, though.

MOUSES!

But the thing is...

THE THING IS...

The thing is, I AM ONE SUPER THANKFUL KITTY, FOR SURE.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

birds

Knock it off!

KNOCK IT OFF!

I SAID, KNOCK IT OFF OUT THERE, YOU STUPID BIRDS!!!

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya...

Birds.

MOUSES!

Peepers.  PEEPERS!  Peepers, this is all your fault, you know.  It's ALL. YOUR. FAULT.  If you hadn't fed those darned birds all last winter, then planted a whole bunch of stuff for 'em to eat in the summer, they wouldn't be hangin' out in the garden next to MY office window, right now.  YOU are to blame, Peepers.  You are TOTALLY to blame.

MOUSES!

Actually, I wouldn't mind 'em all that much if it weren't for that incessant noise they keep makin'.  All that cawin' and squawkin' and stuff.

They're disturbin' my peace!

They're almost as bad as the peep when she caterwauls.  Not quite, but pretty darned close.

MOUSES!

I know!  I shall call the RCMP and let 'em know there's a flock of crows and blue jays in my yard all hootin' and hollerin; and disturbin' the peace.

Now let's see...  Nine...  One...

PEEPERS!  You might wanna check on those birds.

I DON'T CARE if you're not bothered by their loud cawin'.  I'm phonin' the police 'cause I'M bothered by all that noise.  But you might wanna get out there toot suite, my peep, 'cause I'm bettin' you'll be bothered by what they've started doin' now.

Don't tell me to wipe that Cheshire Cat grin off my face.  That grin is there for a reason.  That grin is there 'cause I know somethin' you don't know, and I know you'll be upset when you do know, too.

One.

*ring a ling ding*

Gosh darn it, police put me on hold.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah, Peepers.  I'm tellin' ya, you had best get out there now.  I'd come with you but I'm still on the phone.  I'm on hold.

Oh, hello there Mr. Police Person, Sir.  Seville the Cat, here.  I'm callin' to let you know...

WHAT?

They hung up on me.

MOUSES!

You'd think they'd never before been called by a cat.

MOUSES!

Well I'll just have to take care of those birds, myself, then.  Take matters into my own four paws.  I'll just have to let those birds know who's boss 'round here, and...

Oh, here comes Peepers back from outside, now.

Told ya.  Yup, I told you, you wouldn't be happy.  I TOLD YOU.

Hehehehehehehe...

Whatcha doin' there, Peepers?  Who are ya gonna call?  Don't bother callin' the police 'cause if they're not takin' calls from me, they're definitely not gonna take one from you.  I mean, I'M a cat, and you...   Well you're norhin' more than a mere peep.  A peepling, in fact.  A...

YOU GOT THROUGH?

MOUSES!

Well you don't need 'em, Peepers.  'Cause I'm headin' out there right now and I'm gonna deal with those birds once and for all.  By the time I'm through with 'em, it'll be quiet 'round here, and I'll be able to get back to my nap...  I MEAN, back to workin' on my book.

MOUSES!

Be back in a sec.

OH MY MOUSES, PEEPERS!  CALL THE POLICE!  CALL THE POLICE!  THERE'S A BUNCH OF ANGRY BIRDS OUT THERE BEIN' EVEN LOUDER THAN BEFORE, AND IT'S LIKE THEY'RE READY TO ATTACK.  THEY'RE HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND SWOOPIN' AND FLAPPIN' THEIR WINGS, AND...

AND IT'S MAYHEM AND MADNESS, FOR SURE!

Plus, they've been busy pullin' out a whole whack of your plants.  At first, I thought they thought it was a game of some sort, but now...

But now, I think they're preparin' for war.

Those birds mean business, Peepers.  They mean business, for sure.

BIRDS.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

twenty-nine weeks

You know somethin'?

Of course you do.  EVERYBODY knows SOMETHIN'.

Now that somethin' might be silly, like the stupid stuff Peepers knows, or it might be important like the IMPORTANT stuff we cats know, but...

But EVERYBODY knows SOMETHIN'.  Right?

AM I RIGHT?

Of course I am.

You know, on account of my bein' a cat.

MOUSES!

Now where was I...

Oh yeah, I was gonna tell you what I figured out the other night.  I, Seville the Cat, figured out that Peepers - MY PEEP #1 - is a superhero.

MOUSES!

It's true, I tell you.  IT'S TRUE!

And do you know how I know?

Well...

Well 'cause I was surfin' the web the other night, lookin' for chicks...  I mean, LADYcats, and...

And I uh...

Umm....

Oh yeah, I was surfin' and I came across the profile of some ladycat who goes by the name, Cat Woman.

Turns out, she's not actually a cat.

Think that's what they call catfishin'.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, this Cat Woman chick, who is not actually a cat, is what peeps call a SUPERHERO.  Yup, she's a hero...

Heroine?

Whatever.

I think she might actually be both.

MOUSES!

SO ANYWAY...

So anyway, this superhero named Cat Woman wears a mask.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

MY PEEPERS WEARS A MASK, TOO.

Yup, it's true.  It really, really IS true!  Every time Peepers goes out to the store or takes me to the doctor - which, by the way, is very UNheroine-like of her if you ask me, but even heroes have to have at least one flaw - or goes to the mall or goes into any indoor public space...

SHE FIRST PUTS ON A MASK.

MOUSES!

But then I got to thinkin', do ALL superheroes wear masks?

Well it turns out, not all of them do.  Some just turn big and green and kinda...

Well...

Ugly.

I'm sorry, that's not very nice of me.  I should rephrase that 'cause after all, beauty IS on the inside, not the outer surface, and...

Well...

Well let's just say The Hulk turns green, and leave it at that.

MOUSES!

But even though some superheroes don't wear masks, a whole whack of 'em do.

Just like my peep.

So OBVIOUSLY, my peep is a superhero, too.

MOUSES!

Hard to believe I've been cooped up here in this ol' house with a real live superhero for like one hundred and fifty-seven million, eight hundred and fifty-two thousand, eight hundred cat seconds...

BUT IT'S TRUE.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

I'z so conflicted!

 

I'z so conflicted!

I'Z SO CONFLICTED!

I'Z SO...

Hold on there, Peepers.  Don't you go closin' that door just yet.

I'M STILL CONFLICTED.

MOUSES!

What to do, what to do...  What on Earth is a kitty to do?

Do I go outside?  The ground looks kinda wet.  I'm pretty sure it's been rainin'.

BUT THE BREEZE FEELS SO NICE ON MY FURS.

Hmmm....  I could just sit here by the back door, I suppose.  You know, sit here with the door wide open.  I could just sit here for a while enjoyin' the lovely breeze while stayin' indoors, out of the drizzle and rain.

But what if that breeze were to get stronger and slam the door shut?  What if it slammed the door shut while I was sittin' here, and...

Oh, that's too horrible to even think about.

MOUSES!

But you know...   What good is havin' a peep, if you can't make use of 'em, right?  AM I RIGHT?  Right.

Peepers, you don't mind standin' there by this here back door, holdin' onto it to make sure it doesn't slam shut on me while I sit here enjoyin' the fresh air, do you?

Of course you don't.

MOUSES!

What do you MEAN you do mind?  Have you forgotten you're nothin' more than a lowly peep?

Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be here for long.  An hour or two, tops.  Well...  Well maybe three.  I might feel like takin' a short nap, and...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT WILLIN' TO STAND THERE HOLDIN' ONTO THE DOOR FOR ME ALL AFTERNOON?

Of all the no good for nothin' peeps.

MOUSES!

Okay, how 'bout this, then?  How 'bout you SIT there by the door, holdin' onto it so that it doesn't slam shut on me while I'm sittin' here...

Well you can go get yourself a CHAIR, woman!  I didn't say you had to sit on the floor.

Although truth be told, if the floor is good enough for me...

MOUSES!

Why are you countin', Peepers?  Why have you started countin'?

YOU'RE WHAT?  You're countin' to three, and by the time you get to three the door is gonna be shut one way or the other, so I have to decide on which side of the door I wanna be?

BUT I CAN'T GO OUTSIDE.  IT COULD RAIN ON ME!

You know I'm not partial to that.

No, I can't stay inside, either.  I'm enjoyin' the fresh air, and...

*Three.*

You...  You...  You...

YOU...

YOU CLOSED THE BACK DOOR ON ME.

MOUSES!

Well that's that, then, I guess.  But just so you know, Peepers, I'M STILL CONFLICTED.  Oh sure, I may no longer be conflicted 'bout whether I should go outside or stay in.  Hard to be conflicted 'bout that since you went and made my decision for me, but...

BUT I'M STILL CONFLICTED, PEEPERS.  I'm still conflicted, for sure.  I'm just conflicted 'bout other stuff, is all.

What to do, what to do...

Should I teach Peepers a lesson by peein' on her sweater?  Or should I perhaps poop in her shoe?  Or maybe I should just throw up on the floor next to her bed.  Right where she puts her feet in the mornin' when gettin' up.  That's the best place for tossin' one's cookies, for sure.

So many decisions for a kitty to make.

WHAT IS A KITTY TO DO?

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.