you ever notice?

So um, have you ever noticed...

You ever notice how...

Well, have you ever noticed anythin' odd 'bout all the ads on TV these days?

HAVE you?

I know I have.

MOUSES!

So I was watchin' TV with the peeps the other night, and I noticed somethin' kinda odd.  I noticed how all the ads were about...

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that the ads are meant for givin' you a chance to go get a snack.  And you know somethin', my friends?

You're right!

'Cept, of course, when your peeps are watchin' somethin' stupid on account of their likin' stupid stuff.  In that case, the stupid stuff  is the time for gettin' your snacks.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I was watchin' TV and had just returned from the kitchen where I had some salmon and beef flavoured treats.  I settled in on the couch next to Peepers, waitin' for her stupid show to break for commercial.  I was hopin' to see a few good ads.

Well...

Well you know how peeps will say, Get your mind out of the toilet?

Okay, so it's really get your mind out of the gutter, but if one replaces gutter with ditch...

Yeah, I know, they're two different things.  But both involve drainin' water so I'm gonna run with it, you see.

Okay, so if one replaces gutter with ditch, and then one realises that a kitty who has been playin' in the garden for a while might not be able to make it inside in time to use the little boys' box, said kitty might use the ditch as a toilet.

So ipso ergo defacto...

Get your mind out of the toilet works.

MOUSES!

Now back to those ads.  The thing is, it appears to me that peeps just can't keep their minds OUT of the toilet, at all!  And the proof is...

The proof is...

The ads.

About what am I talkin', you ask?

The ads!  A big ol' chunk of  ads on TV these days are 'bout bathrooms, you see.  Specifically, toilets.  Well actually, what one does on a toilet, I guess.

MOUSES!

We've got bears usin' toilet paper and spokeskittens mewing 'bout how soft their brand is.  I have to admit, the kittens are pretty cute but the bears?  They're blue.  Never met a blue bear in all my life.

MOUSES!

And if that's not enough, they're also floggin' pills if you can't go, and liquids if you can.  Too much goin', I mean.  I won't elaborate on that any further 'cause it's really kinda gross.

MOUSES!

Then there are the sprays, the plug-ins, the candles, and all the other stinky stuff.  Stinky stuff meant to destinkafy the bathroom after leavin' a stink.

MOUSES!

And if all that's not enough...

If all that's not enough, they're draggin' us kitties into their messes, too!  Not the cute spokeskittens I spoke of earlier, 'cause they really are really cute.

But rather...

But rather, all the ads for litter and stuff.

We've got litter that clumps and litter without dust.  There's even litter that changes its colour.

Okay, so I have to admit, I did find that last one pretty interestin'.  It could take litter art to a whole new level, you see.

MOUSES!

And then...

And then there are the creams and ointments and things.

Well I'm tellin' ya right here and right now: Peepers tries puttin' an all-over deodorant on me, and Peepers is gonna need a few bandages, you see.

'Cause I wash my own little butt.

MOUSES!

Next thing you know, we'll be seein' ads for law firms representin' peeps who got wads of toilet paper stuck up their nose.

'Cause if there's one thing I know about peeps...

If there's one thing I know about peeps, whatever you tell 'em NOT to do is the thing they're most likely doin'.

Peeps.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

somebody...

I'm not sure who the cat is, but I'm thinkin' he's in BIG trouble, for sure. 

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Nope, no idea.  I have NO IDEA who the cat to whom you're referrin' is.  No idea who this cat is, at all.  Never heard tell of him, in fact.  Nope, never in all my nine lives have I ever heard tell of a cat named Somebody.

If you ask me, it seems like a kinda dumb name for a cat.  But you know peeps.  Peeps can do some pretty dumb stuff.  And SOME peeps will use practically anythin' for a name when namin' a cat.

Bad enough I'm named after an orange.

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was sayin'...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

Like I told you before, I don't know any cat named Somebody.  I know me, Seville the Cat, along with the various nicknames I have.  I also know my brother-from-annuder-mudder, Saffron, as well as the various nicknames he has.  AND I know the cat who lives across the street but spends lots of time over here, visitin'.  But none of us - and I repeat, NONE of us - go by the name of Somebody.

FACT.

MOUSES!

Peepers, I heard you plain as day the first time.  I heard you say, "SOMEBODY made a real mess of the litter box."

Couldn't help but hear you, in fact.  IN FACT, I'm bettin' they heard you all the way over on the next street!  Your voice was all loud and strained and when you said Somebody, it was like you were usin' those invisible air quotes some peeps like to use.

Know what I mean?

Of course you do.  After all, it was you who used 'em.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, Peepers, like I said, I heard you the first time.  Although I did, in fact, ignore you.

Why?

'CAUSE LIKE I SAID, PEEPERS, I DON'T KNOW ANY CATS WHO GO BY THE NAME OF SOMEBODY.

Gosh darn it, it's like pullin' teeth when tryin' to reason with her.

MOUSES!

Of course, perhaps I shouldn't be assumin' you were talkin' about a cat.  I made that assumption on account of the fact that you were talkin' about half the litter from the litter box bein' scattered all over the floor, but...

Hmmm....

Well let me put it this way, Peepers.  Have you or Peep #2 started usin' our litter boxes?  And in the process of usin' said litter boxes, have the two of you been makin' a right ol' mess of  'em?  Perhaps because neither of you can actually fit in those litter boxes?  

Bwhahahahahahahahaha!!!!

My gosh I crack myself up.

MOUSES!

But anyway, like I said before, I don't know any cats who go by the name of Somebody, so I certainly don't know who it was who made that horrendous mess 'round and about the litter box.  I suggest you go ask Saffron although I'm bettin' he doesn't know Somebody, either.  We run in the same circles, you see, so it's highly unlikely he'd know a kitty I don't.

And another thing, Peepers, I don't know Anybody, either.  You know, the cat you keep askin' if he would like treats.  "Anybody want any treats?" you so often say.  "Anybody?"  Who the mouses is this cat named Anybody, and why are you offerin' him our treats?

But even though I don't know him...

Even though I don't know this Anybody fellow, I wouldn't mind a treat or two, myself.  After all, it's really not right that you're offerin' him treats instead Saffy and me.

Especially since they're actually OUR treats.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

snowmageddon 2024

That's enough, already.  It's enough!

I said, IT'S ENOUGH.

MOUSES!

So in case you haven't heard, and I'm sure there are some peeps out there who haven't, my fair province of Nova Scotia has had a wee bit of snow.

Wee?  Bit?  What am I sayin'?  It was more like a ....    A...  Well, more like umm...

Oh I don't know what it was more like, but there's one thing I absolutely DO know:

WE HAVE MOST DEFINITELY HAD ENOUGH.

MOUSES!

Yup, the snow started sometime Friday.  On Groundhog Day, to be exact.  My guess is that because Shubenacadie Sam didn't see her shadow, therefore predictin' an early spring, Mother Nature decided to give us a big ol' wallopin' of snow whilst she still could.

And she did.

WALLOP.

MOUSES!

Gosh darn it, some parts got a whole winter's worth of snow all in one weekend!

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, like I was sayin', the snow started sometime Friday and continued on until Saturday.

And then Sunday, too.

And it was still snowin' on Monday, although not nearly as badly.  And actually, some of it was kinda startin' to melt.

Yup, ol' Peepers went out to shovel and came back inside soakin' wet.  Snow had landed on her, and then started to melt.

Gonna have to start callin' her HOT STUFF, I think.

Heeheeheehee...

MOUSES!

Now I'm gonna admit, we didn't get nearly as much snow here at my house as some parts of the province did.  Why, I heard tell of reports of some places gettin' 150cm.  That's almost five feet high!  That's a whole lotta snow, to be sure.

And then when it started to drift...

I don't even wanna THINK about that.

MOUSES!

Saffy Saffron Sassifras INSISTED on goin' out the back door and plowin' through the snow to make his way under the deck.  Thanks-be-to-goodness that was just before Peepers was headin' out to shovel, so she was able to shovel a path for him to get back out.

From under the deck, I mean.

MOUSES!

But the bottom line is, my dear friends...

WE. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH.

Snow, that is.

More treats and catnip will always be welcomed.  Yup, welcomed with open paws for sure.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

nothin' on TV

Gosh darn it, there's absolutely NOTHIN' to watch on TV.

MOUSES!

The Many Lives of Martha Stewart.

Hmmm...

Many lives?  Many?  Many as in more than one?  What do they think she is?  A cat?  A cat with nine lives?

MOUSES!

All Creatures Great and Small.

Hmmm...

Well I'm pretty great, and compared to most peeps, I guess I am kinda small.  That must be a show about me.

But I already know all about me.

MOUSES!

Law and Order Toronto: Criminal Intent.

Hmmm...

Toronto may be in Canada, but it's still really far away.  But I'm pretty sure that if I were to put my paw down, I could deal with any criminals there.  Give 'em a smacky-paw when needed or fling somethin' outta the litter box.

You know, that sorta thing.

So again, it's probably just another show about me.

And again, I already know all about me.

MOUSES!

News.

Hmmm...

Nah, there's never anythin' new on the news.  Same ol' stuff, day after day, year after year.  Life after life...  Just more peeps behavin' badly.  As badly as they can possibly be. 

That's one show that has NOTHIN' to do with me.

MOUSES!

But then there's Bird TV.

Oh sure, Bird TV has lots of repeats.  Crow Show: The Early Years;  Chickadee Chicks: Bathin' Suit Edition;  Morning Doves After Dark;  Blue Jays Gone Bad...

You know, that sorta thing.

And I guess some might say, if you've seen one, you've pretty much seem 'em all.

But you know somethin', my friends?  You know somethin'?  THOSE ARE THE KINDA SHOWS WORTH SEEIN' AGAIN!

And again.

And...  AGAIN.

And sometimes...

And sometimes, Bird TV airs other series from their affiliate networks.  Shows like The Karda...   I mean, The Squirrels.  Now THAT'S a nutty show worth watchin'.

MOUSES!

You know, I may have started this post thinkin' there was nothin' for a cat like me to watch on TV, but I have totally changed my mind about that, for sure.  TOTALLY!

I was just watchin' the wrong screen.  Instead of the television screen, I should have been lookin' out the window at all the glorious wonders of Bird TV.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the arrival

So, so far in this so-called winter, we've had rain and we've had wind.  And yes, sometimes we've had rain and wind together.  We've even had slush.

Yeah, that's right, I swear that one day, it rained slush.

MOUSES!

And we've also had snow that changed to rain, before changin' to more slush.

And the wind!  Did I mention the wind?  Boy-oh-boy have we had wind.

And sometimes it has been cold.  Not super-duper cold, but cold enough that I wanted to be inside all day where it was nice and toasty.  And sometimes it has been mild!  We broke a mildness record in January, I do believe, on account of it bein' so mild.

MOUSES!

But two days ago...

Two days ago, on Monday...

Winter officially arrived.

MOUSES!

It snowed and it snowed and it snowed.  Then it snowed again, some more.

Did I mention it snowed?

And this time, the snow stuck around.  Here it is, Wednesday, and there's still a whole whack of snow on the ground, with no sign of it meltin' and disappearin' any time soon.

MOUSES!

Now as a Canadian kitty, you'd think I'd be used to all of this snow.  Truth be told, I kinda am.  But the fact is, snow is snow, and it makes it awfully difficult to get around.

You have any idea how hard it is for a kitty to wade through a foot of snow?  I mean, I'm only like...  well, around a foot tall.  How the mouses am I supposed to lift my legs high enough to walk through that kinda snow?

MOUSES!

But luckily for me, Peepers went out first thing Tuesday and shovelled all around.  Oh sure, snowplow guy came late Monday, but he only plows the driveway.  I, Seville the Cat, was in need of some paths just for me.  And Saffy, of course.

But, you know...  Mainly for me.

MOUSES!

Well I've got my paths, now.  A kitty can now walk from the front door to the back, and back 'round to the front, once more; without havin' to wade through all that freezin' cold snow.  I can walk out to where Peepers feeds the birdies, too.  I can even walk over to the compost, if I want.  Which I really don't.  But if I want to, I can.

MOUSES!

And...

And Peepers managed to shovel all that snow without slippin' or slidin'.  Or trippin', for that matter.  She didn't fall down.  Not even once.  Not once!

And if I'm bein' totally honest, that was kinda disappointin'.  Her not slippin' and fallin', I mean.  'Cause let me tell you somethin', my friends...

Let me tell you...

Let me tell you somethin', my friends; when a kitty gets all comfy on the windowsill, EXPECTIN' a fun-filled humorous show, A KITTY EXPECTS TO SEE HIS PEEP SLIP, TRIP, AND EVENTUALLY, FALL DOWN.

At least one time.

Instead,  Peepers put on THE MOST BORIN' SHOW of all time.

THERE'LL BE NO EMMY FOR HER.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

ewww...

Ewww...

EWWW...

Oh my mouses, that is DISGUSTIN', for sure.

EWWW...

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' Saffy Saffron Sassifras has horked up a hairball or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

And truth be told, that WOULD be pretty disgustin'.

Although not nearly as disgustin' as...

Are you sittin' down, my pals?  ARE you?

Oh, you'd better sit down before I elaborate further.  Yup, you'd better sit down, for sure.  'Cause if you're not sittin' down when I tell you...

If you're not sittin' down...

If you're not sittin' down when I tell you, you might drop to the floor in some kinda shock.

MOUSES!

Okay, here goes: Peepers made spaghetti and meatballs.

MOUSES!

I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why-oh-why is Peepers' spaghetti and meatballs so disgustin'?

Beside the obvious reasons, of course.

Yeah, she made it with onions, tomatoes, and garlic.  Stuff that, for a cat, is gross as gross can be.  Not to mention dangerous, too.  And I'm not too sure 'bout those herbs she added, either.  Basil?  Oregano?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD STUFF LIKE CATNIP?

But even though she was messin' with all that disgustingly disgustin' stuff like the tomatoes and things, I was still dreamin' of gettin' my paws on one of those meatballs.  I've never had a meatball, you see, on account of my livin' with a couple of vegetables.. . I mean, vegeTARIANS.  But when Peepers said she was makin' spaghetti and meatballs, I thought...

FINALLY, THIS. IS. MY. CHANCE.

I figured she was making 'em for me!

Although why she was addin' crap like onions was beyond me.

MOUSES!

But then I saw...

Then I saw...

Then I saw her get down the TVP.

And I knew those meatballs were not meant for me.

*sighs*

Who ever heard of anythin' so stupid as meatballs made with textured VEGETABLE protein?  I mean, of all the no-good-for-nothin' things for Peepers to do.  Her actions were downright DISGUSTIN', for sure.

And there I was, dreamin' of somethin' yummy to eat.

*sighs again, more loudly this time*

Oh well, maybe tomorrow she'll make somethin' tasty for me.  I'll have to wait and see.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

oh dear

Oh dear...

OH dear...

Oh deary deary dear...

Oh.... deer?

That's better.

MOUSES!

You can thank me later, Peepers!

When you find my bill in the mail.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, some of you out there might remember the problems ol' Peepers had, last winter, with the deer.

What?  What's that?  You mean I forgot to tell you all about the deer?

Oh dear...

MOUSES!

WELL, last winter, there was a whole whackin' herd...

Or I suppose it might have been just one family...

Perhaps just a couple of pals.  Who happened to be deer.  And who happened to use Peepers' garden as some sorta highway.

They must have been comin' from the road, cuttin' through the trees, then walkin' through the garden to get to the compost bins and stuff.  And anythin' lyin' in the path of those deer, got trod on along the way.

BUT DON'T WORRY!  Don't you be worryin' about my catnip.  My nip plants were safe 'cause they weren't planted 'round there.

But as for Peepers' Iceland Poppies...

Well they didn't fare quite so well.

MOUSES!

That's right, come springtime last year, there were deer hoof prints ALL OVER the place.  Those prints were here and there and pretty much everywhere, INCLUDIN' the raised bed with all Peepers' poppies.

A lot of 'em got all mushed.

The poppies, I mean.

MOUSES!

Now let me tell you somethin', my friends: deer might not wanna EAT Iceland Poppies, but they sure don't mind mushing 'em right into the ground.

MOUSES!

BUT THANKS TO MY GENIUS-LIKE THINKIN', Peepers put those greenhouse frames up last September.  There are no plastic coverings, or anythin'.  Only the frames.  But JUST AS I THOUGHT would happen, the deer are now walkin' AROUND the raised beds, instead of straight through 'em.

Like I KNEW that they would.

So even though there may be a whole mess of hoof prints out there, there're not nearly as MESSY as one might expect.

Mess of...  Messy...  Get it?

Heeheeheeheehee...

MOUSES!

But anyway, those deer are followin' the paths between the flower beds in nice, straight, neat lines, and by gosh and by golly...

By gosh and by golly...

By gosh and by golly, there are NO MUSHED UP PLANTS to be found.

Turns out I, Seville the Cat, am a deer-wrangler at heart.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

doornail kinda dead

Yup, it's dead, alright.  Dead, deaddums, doornail kinda dead.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

NO, I was NOT talking 'bout a bird.

*runs to front door to double-check*

NOPE, there are no dead birds 'round here.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' either Saffy or I caught some poor critter and deadded it.  A bird or a mouse or...  Or perhaps a wayward bug.

But the truth is, we didn't.  We didn't catch anythin'.  Not anythin' at all!

What?  What's that, Saffy, my man?

Oh yeah, Saffy DID catch the butterfly toy Santa gave us for Christmas.  He caught it last night.  And then again, this mornin'.  He catches it a lot, actually, but he does NOT deadums it.  Nope, he doesn't deadums it, at all.  Once he lets go, the butterfly always comes right back to life.

MOUSES!

What, Saffy?  What are you on about now?

Oh yeah, and Saffy also caught his tail.

Although I'm pretty sure that catch was purely accidental.

MOUSES!

Truth is, it's the car battery that's dead.

AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN ALL THAT COLD!

But not-all-that-cold or not, the car battery is dead as a doornail, the peep says.

AND THE BATTERY ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT OLD.

Seems we went through all this not all that long ago.  Maybe two or three years.

But the battery won't start up the car, nonetheless.

But don't you worry, my friends.  Don't you worry, at all.  The car has a doctor's appointment - if that's what you wanna call it - on Tuesday afternoon.  Our pals at the garage will fix 'er right up and she'll be runnin' again, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

I AM NOT WORRIED.  There's no need for you to console Saffy and me.  YOU might be skimpin' on milk and bread to make sure there's enough to get you thru 'til Tuesday, but that's of no concern to me.

I already checked, you see, and there's plenty of kibble and tins of the fanciest of the feasts.  Plenty of treats, as well.  There are even bottles of spring water.

To which Saffy has takin' a likin', as of late.

SAFFY AND ME ARE GONNA BE JUST FINE.

Good thing, too, Peepers.  'Cause if we were runnin' low on any of OUR stuff, you'd be walk, walk, WALKIN' to the store.

And that is for sure.

Not OUR fault the store is a couple kilometres away and the roads are a tad icy.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the thoroughfare

It's not a thoroughfare, you know.

MOUSES!

Saffron, I SAID it's not a thoroughfare, so stop treatin' it as such.

MOUSES!

Saffy, Saffy, Saffron...  That there is a um...

Well...

So it's kinda like...

Okay, FINE, I guess it is a thoroughfare, after all.

Of sorts.

MOUSES!

So here's the deal:  That ol' brother of mine, Saffy Saffron Sassifras, has decided that when he wants to go to backyard from the front yard, the quickest route is straight through the house.  You know, as opposed to walkin' AROUND the house like any normal cat would.

And I suppose...

And I suppose he does have a point.  After all, the shortest distance between two points IS a straight line.  Unless, of course, that straight line curves due to the gravitational forces exerted upon space and time by a large celestial body.   Like uh..  Like the peep!

WHAT?  Oh quit your gripin', woman.  IT WAS TOO funny.

MOUSES!

Okay, so since there are no gravitational forces warpin' the space-time continuum in and around our house, the shortest distance between any two points is, in fact, a straight line.

Which means...

Which means that yes, the quickest way to go from the front yard to the backyard is, indeed, straight through the house.

Scratch that.

Okay, it may very well may be that the SHORTEST way to go from the front yard to the backyard is straight through the house, but it's not necessarily the quickest.

Why is it not the quickest, you ask?

Very good question, indeed.

Now remember when I said that a large celestial body could create a curvature in space-time and...

Peepers, I said it before and I'll say it again:  IT WAS TOO FUNNY.

MOUSES!

And besides, Peepers, you ARE part of this here equation of mine.  You know, the equation of how long it takes for Saffy to get from the front door to the back door by cuttin' through the house AND how much slower that SEEMINGLY quicker route actually is.

The thing is...

Saffy you had better hear this, too, as it definitely pertains to you.

The thing is, Peepers, in order for Saffron to get from the front yard to the backyard by goin' straight through the house, Saffron is totally dependent upon you, my dear peep, to open the door.  Actually, he's totally dependent upon you openin' TWO doors.  First you have to open the front door to let him in, and then you have to scoot over to the back door to open that one to let him back out.

And since your scootin' is often done at a leisurely pace...

Well since you tend to take your time scootin' to the back door, Peepers, Saffy would be way quicker to stay outside and just walk 'round the house.

What?  What's that, Saffron?  What's that you're sayin'?

Why yes, it IS enjoyable to keep Peepers hoppin'.  And yes, it is enjoyable to see that we cats have her wrapped 'round our little claws.  To see that she's totally at our beck and call and that when we want a door opened, she will come a-runnin'.

At a peep-like slow pace, that is.

But nevertheless, it is VERY enjoyable, indeed.

Hmmm...

Okay, Saffron, I do declare that the route from the front door to the back door IS a thoroughfare, now.  Yup, an OFFICIAL thoroughfare, for sure. 

You win, Saffron, my man.  You win.

This one time.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

and she's down

And she's down.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that that ol' peep of mine - aka Peepers - was bein' a clumsy clutzy clutz, doin' somethin' she shouldn't be doin', and has gone and fallen down.

AGAIN.

MOUSES!

Now, I'm not sayin' she falls down a lot.  No, she actually doesn't fall down all that much.  But when she does, it's usually a doozy, for sure.

MOUSES!

But you see...

But you see, when Peepers does fall down, it's usually with good reason.

Okay, so maybe not GOOD reason.  What I'm tryin' to say is that she doesn't just lose her balance or somethin' and fall down.  Her balance is actually pretty good.  But sometimes...

Sometimes...

Sometimes she does things that are just. Plain. Ol'. STUPID.  And let me tell you somethin', my friends: doin' stupid stuff can easily make a peep fall down.

MOUSES!

Stupid stuff like racin' around in the garden past dusk, forgettin' there are plant pots scattered all around.   Now that's the kinda stupid stuff that can easily make a peep fall down.

MOUSES!

But let me get back to the topic at paw.  The thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is, when I said she was down, I wasn't actually talkin' about the peep.  No sirree, I wasn't talkin' about Peepers, at all.  In fact, I wasn't even talkin' about A peep, if you know what I mean.  I was talkin'...

I was talkin'...

I was talkin' about that ol' green bin, you see.

MOUSES!

Yup, it's stormy and rainy over here.  Mild...  Well mild for January in Canada, that is.  7C and pelting rain.

AND THE WIND!

Oh, the wind is blowin' and blowin'.  It's blowin' up a real storm, to be sure.  Why, that ol' wind is blowin' so hard...

So very hard...

That ol' wind is blowin' so hard, it went and blew the ol' green bin that was standin' at the end of the driveway - on account of it bein' garbage day, today - right down.  Knocked 'er of her wheels and everythin'.  The green bin is now lyin' on the ground.

Where's it's gonna stay for the near foreseeable future, the peep says.

'Til the weather quietens down.

MOUSES!

Good thing, too.  Good thing Peepers isn't all hell-bent on racin' down the driveway in this ol' storm, dodgin' raindrops and flyin' debris, just to stand that ol' green bin back up and wheel it back to the house, 'cause...

'CAUSE THAT'S THE KINDA STUPID STUFF THAT MAKES A PEEP GO AND FALL DOWN.

Hear that, Peepers?

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

gotcha day

Happy Gotcha Day to me.  Happy Gotcha Day to me.  HAPPY GOTCHA DAY...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Oh yeah.

*sighs*

FINE.

MOUSES!

Happy Gotcha Day to Saff.  Happy Gotcha Day to Saff.  HAPPY GOTCHA DAY...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that your babblin' on about now?

Saff prefers to be called Saffron, you say?

Yeah, I actually know that.  But the thing is, Peepers, the one syllable of Saff fits better in the song than do the two syllables of Saffron.  It fits way better, for sure.

Besides, Saff is probably preferable to some of the other things I've been known to call him.

*sighs*

FINE.

MOUSES!

Happy Gotcha Day to Saffy Saffron Sassifras.  Happy Gotcha D...

FINE.

MOUSES!

Happy Gotcha Day to Saffron.  Happy Gotcha Day to Saffron.  HAPPY GOTCHA DAY TO SAFFY SAFFRON SASSIFRAS... 

Couldn't help myself.  HAD to fit that all in at least the one time.

HAPPY GOTCHA DAY TO SAFFRON.

And many more....

MOUSES!

That's right, my pals.  That's right!  Today is my brudder-from-anudder-mudder, Saffy Saffron Sassifras' Gotcha Day.  Two years ago today, Saffron decided he would come live inside this here house with me and the peeps.

Well, he didn't so much decide to come in, as...

Well truth be told...

Truth be told, after havin' the peep try to get him inside for 'bout a year and a half, one cold and miserable night EXACTLY TWO YEARS AGO TONIGHT, with the wind blowin' in from the north and wet snow driftin' into the veranda area and landin' on Saffy's furs, Saffron allowed Peepers to pick him up and carry him inside the house just before she slammed that front door shut with her foot, and...

AND THE REST IS HISTORY, MY FRIENDS.

MOUSES!

FYI, Peepers bought us kitties chicken.  REAL chicken.  Not outta a tin chicken, but the real kinda chicken.  The real kinda chicken that non-vegetable...  I mean, non-vegeTARIAN peeps eat.

Unlike our peeps who are of the vegetable...  I mean vegeTARIAN persuasion, for sure.

SAFFY AND I ARE GONNA DINE LIKE KINGS.

As it SHOULD be.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

resolutions

Let's see, New Year resolution number one.

Hmmm...

Nah, that was a silly resolution for me to make.  I'll just scratch that one off my list.

New Year resolution number two.

Hmmm...

In all honesty, that's the kinda resolution a kitty might make when a kitty was nipped.

Which I probably was.

Yeah, I'm gonna scratch that one off my list, too.

MOUSES!

New Year resolution number three.

Hmmm...

Well that one's doable.

I suppose.

IF I wanted to do it, that is.

Which I don't.

Best I just scratch that resolution off my list, as well.

New Year resolution number four.

Hmmm...

Well that one doesn't even apply to me.  Be nicer to others?  Huh.  I must have been thinkin' of Peepers when I wrote that particular resolution.  I'll just scratch it off my list and add it to hers, and...

Hey Peepers!  PEEPERS!  Where did you put that list of New Year resolutions I wrote for you?  You know the one.  The one that listed all the improvements I thought you could make in 2024.

NO, not home improvements.  PERSONAL improvements.  Improvements to YOUR person.  I even listed 'em in order from most important to least.  You know, so you'd know where to start.

What a helpful kitty I am.

'Cause the thing is, Peepers, I've come up with another New Year resolution for you.  Another resolution to add to your list,  WHICH IS WHY I'm currently lookin' for that list.  I'm pretty sure I can squeeze this new one in between numbers thirty-three and thirty-four.

Meh, maybe I should make it number thirty-five.  Definitely somewhere in the thirties, for sure.

So anyway, Peepers, WHERE-OH-WHERE IS THAT LIST?

Peepers, why are you lookin' over there?

YOU WHAT?  You put my...  I mean, your...  I mean, you threw MY list of YOUR New Year resolutions out in the...  In the...  IN THE GARBAGE, you say?

Gosh darn it, that ol' peep has already broken three of her resolutions and it's only January 3rd.

Of all the no-good peepish things to do.

MOUSES!

Good thing I've got a good memory.  I can make her a copy.

But before I do that, I had better tackle my own.  Tackle my own list of resolutions, that is.

New Year resolution number five:  Don't make any more resolutions.

That's odd, I don't remember makin' that one.

And I don't think that's even my pawwritin'.  It looks more like...

HEY PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!!!  YOU BEEN MESSIN' WITH MY LIST?

Awww...

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

countin' down

I'm countin' down the minutes, my friends.  I'M COUNTIN' DOWN THE MINUTES!  Yup, I'm countin' down the minutes 'til the year 2023 comes to an end.

MOUSES!

It's not that 2023 was all that bad.

But it wasn't all that great, either.

It simply was.

Was 2023, I mean.

MOUSES!

So I'm sittin' here in my office, watchin' the clock.  Watchin' the little ol' second paw move around and around.  And around.  And waitin' for the clock's other paws to move about, too.

Yeah, it IS kinda borin', for sure.

MOUSES!

But by gosh and by golly, once that hour paw strikes twelve...

I'M GONNA BE PARTYIN' LIKE NO KITTY HAS EVER PARTIED BEFORE.

I'm gonna get nipped.

MOUSES!

But on the other paw...

On the other paw, WHY SHOULD I WAIT 'TIL IT'S TWELVE?

You know, when I actually think about it, waiting 'til midnight to get nipped seems so silly.  I happen to know FOR. A. FACT. that on the other side of the world, it's already tomorrow.  Already next year!  Already...

ALREADY TIME TO BE WELL AND TRULY NIPPED.

MOUSES!

And wouldn't I enjoy seein' in the new year oh-so-much-more with a biff bag in one paw and another on my head, and...

Okay, so maybe not one on my head.  Walkin' around with a biff bag on your head is a trick I CAN do.

If I try.

I think.

But doin' tricks with the sole purpose of entertainin' your peeps is so very demeanin'.  You know?

Of course you do.

At least you know, now.  Now that I've told you, I mean.

Plus, the darned biff bag keeps fallin' off my head.

MOUSES!

I think that instead of just sittin' here watchin' the clock, I should get myself a biff bag, and start gettin' myself nipped.  I won't put one on my head, but I'll definitely start gettin' nipped.

Oh, and I should also start workin' on my list.  You know the one.  The list I make every year.  The list of New Year Resolutions...

....I MAKE FOR THE PEEP.

Not that she ever keeps any of the resolutions I make for her, but maybe...

Just MAYBE...

Maybe 2024 will be her year.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.