stop doin' that, right now!

That's a good way to make yourself sick, there, Saffy my man.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Saffron?  What's that you're babblin' on...

Okay, so you really aren't a babbler.  Not like the peep is, anyway.

Hmmm...

What?  What's that, Saffy?  What's that you're gripin' on about now?

Gripin'.

Better.

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was sayin', that's a good way to make yourself sick, Saffron; SO STOP DOIN' IT, RIGHT NOW.

MOUSES!

No, I'm not worried I'm gonna get sick if you get sick 'cause it's not that kinda sick, that is.

Yeah, I know.  I know that last sentence didn't make that much sense.  But it sounded good, to be sure.

Kinda like my ol' pal, Shakespeare.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, Saffy, LIKE I WAS SAYIN', you keep on doin' what you're doin' and you're gonna make yourself sick, to be sure.  And I'm not gonna be all sympathetic and carin' and askin' you how you're feelin'; 'cause that's simply not the kinda cat that I am.

I'm more of a told-you-so kinda cat, I do believe.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, I'm thinkin' you should stop doin' what you are doin', right now.

NOW.

Now, I said.

NOW!

Oh for Pete's sake, Saffron, my man.  STOP LICKIN' THE PEEP'S HAND, RIGHT NOW.

What?

No, I have no idea who Pete is.  Probably some peep whose germy hand got licked by some cat.

Or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

But back to the subject at paw: she doesn't really like it, you know.  Peepers doesn't really like havin' you lick all over her hand.  I know your tongue isn't all slobbery like a doggy's would be.  I know it's more dry and scratchy, like mine.  And I know she might SAY it's super cute and all that but I'm pretty sure she doesn't really like it at all.

Which is why I, Seville the Cat, never lick peeps' hands.

Well, that, and the fact that one never really knows where peeps' hands might have been.

Which is why...

Which is why you shouldn't be lickin' peeps' hands.

Goodness knows what peep germs you might get.

Not to mention other things, like peep fleas, or whatever they have.

Plus, this new habit of yours is gettin' a whole lot of oohin' and ahhin' attention and quite frankly...

Quite frankly...

Quite frankly, YOU gettin' all those oohs and ahhs are MAKIN' ME LOOK BAD, TO BE SURE.

That kinda attention is much better directed at me.

So stop it right now, Saffy.  Stop it, right now!  Go find yourself somethin' safer to lick.  Go look for somethin' outdoors.  I think I saw a dead mole or vole or somethin' or other out there a few weeks ago.  Go give that thing a good lick.

Better yet (smiles, menacingly), why don't you bring it indoors.

Yeah, why don't you go find some dead critter to bring on inside.  I'm sure Peepers would LOVE seein' you bringin' that into the house.

Then maybe some of those cutesy pie oohsy ahhsy remarks will be directed MY way, once more.

MOUSES!