shortest distance

Now hold on there.  Just let me figure this out.

Hmmm...

Okay, this plus that.  Carry the one.  Measure that angle.  Measure that one, too.  Then add that, and...

Hmmm...

Yup, I was right.  The shortest distance between two points IS a straight line, for sure.

Right?

Right.

WRONG.

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Saffy, Saffy, Saffy...  That's not how it works.

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So the other day, my brother Saffy Saffron Sassifras was in the backyard, but he wanted to go to the front yard.  What he didn't want to do was walk all the way around the house.

Now, it's not that our house is all that big.  It's just an average-sized house.  But goin' all the way 'round IS a hassle, 'cause you know...  

'Cause goin' all the way around is THE LONG way 'round.

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And that is because...

It's because, the shortest distance between two points is a STRAIGHT line.

And goin' AROUND the house is anythin' but straight.  It's kinda... Well, you know...  Round.

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What's that, Saffron?  What is that you are sayin'?

NO.  No, like I said before, that's just not how it works.

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I DON'T CARE if from a bird's eye view your path was straight.  That's NOT how it works.

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So let me tell you what Saffy did.  How he got from the backyard to the front, and how his route was NOT the shortest route to take.

The other day, Saffron was out on the deck.  He must have looked up and spotted an open window, upstairs.  And he must have noticed that in the room belongin' to that window, was our beloved ol' peep, commonly referred to as Peepers.

So he jumped from the deck to the railin'.  Walked along that 'til he was near the sunroom.  Then jumped from the railin' to the sunroom roof.  From there he was able to jump across to the little ledge below the aforementioned bedroom window.  Then a quick jump onto the window ledge.  Then over and onto the bed.  

A few meows later and he had Peepers' undivided attention.

Okay, so he had her attention even before the first meow, but he needed her to understand what he wanted her to do.

So after meowin' for a bit, down from the bed he did jump.  Then he walked across the room and into the hall, double-checkin' to make sure Peepers was followin'.  The two of 'em then went down the stairs and over to the front door, which Peepers ever-so-kindly opened for him.

Those are her words, by the way.  Ever-so-kindly, I mean.  Personally, I would have thought dutifully or respectfully would have been better.

But anyway...

VIOLA!  Saffron was now in the front yard.

But CONTRARY to what Saffy believes, that was NOT the quickest - or the easiest - of routes for him to take.

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No, Saffy.  NO.  It was NOT a straight line.

'CAUSE YOU'RE FORGETTIN' ABOUT ALL THOSE UP AND DOWN BITS YOU TOOK.

Yeah, yeah...  Yeah, on PAPER it might look like a straight line.  Look.  Only LOOK.  On paper it MIGHT LOOK like a straight line 'cause on paper it's all two-dimensional and stuff.  But once you involve railings and roofs, you're addin' that third dimension into the mix.  You know, the dimension that plumps stuff right up.  And then, it's no longer a straight line.

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You're just gonna have to take my word for it, Saff.  When it comes to numbers and maths, I really do know my stuff.

That's how I can always figure out how to turn my half of the treats into two-thirds.

A skill which I try to keep under wraps, so whatever you do, do not tell the peep.

MOUSES!