Ding dong, the witch is dead. La la la la la.... la la la lah.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' ol' Peepers has really done it this time for me to be callin' her a witch. And you know somethin', my friends?
You would be wrong.
Oh, I'm sure she's done somethin', all right. She usually has. Even if I don't happen to know what that somethin' is that she's done, I know she's likely done it, for sure, but...
But this time...
Believe it or not...
This particular time, I'm not talking 'bout the peep.
Truth be told, I'm not actually talking 'bout witches, either. Nor goblins nor ghosties nor anythin' else Hallowe'en and spooky related. THIS TIME, I'm talking 'bout the dingin' and the dongin' of bells.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' I'm talking 'bout door bells and such.
Well that would be wrong, too, I'm afraid, on account of my talking 'bout telephone bells and...
Okay, so I'm not talkin' about the bell of a phone. I'm actually talking 'bout my weird and wonderful AND INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING - 'cause it so often doesn't work - Internet connection.
Which is kinda connected to the phone. Same company, at least.
Yup, yup.. Uh-huh... Yeah, I hear ya, my friends. I KNOW our fair province was attacked by a hurricane last week AND I KNOW that's bound to play havoc with phones and Internet and things, but...
BUT MY PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN GOIN' ON FOR THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS.
Plus, immediately after the hurricane, once the power was back up and runnin', the Internet was doin' just fine.
You know, the fact that my Internet connection was runnin' smoothly right after the hurricane was amazin' enough for me to consider takin' out a full-page ad. Yup, I gave it some real consideration, for sure.
Until I found out how much one of those ads actually costs.
But by Wednesday that ol' Internet was actin' up like a two-year-old in a candy store havin' a tantrum while comin' down from a sugar-induced high. I tried callin' the company but apparently they don't take calls from us cats.
And I don't know why that is, on account of the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS WE CATS RULE THE INTERNET.
'Mongst other things.
So Peepers had to deal with 'em and she SAID it was all fixed; but there were problems yesterday as well as the day before that, and today it's barely hangin' on by a thread. Yup, barely hangin' on by the thread of a wee kitten's whisker, it is.
I'm tellin' ya, one day...
ONE DAY I, SEVILLE THE CAT, am gonna be rulin' the world and when I am, MY Internet had better be workin' just fine or I'll cry OFF WITH THEIR HEADS as I adjust my solid gold crown.
My gosh, a gold crown really would suit my marmalade furs.
Have a little snack.
Remember to mask up, too.