Peeps. Peeps can be so stupid, you know? And not just normal stupid but CRAZY stupid, for sure.
Sounds like the start of a joke, huh. And it would be a good joke, too, 'cept that this is no laughin' matter. It's just...
So the onslaught of gardenin' catalogues has begun. Yup, first one arrived in yesterday's mail. And bein' the kindest, sweetest, and most thoughtful kitty on Earth - not to mention modest, if I do say so myself - I settled in next to Peepers to check that ol' catalogue out.
Well NEW catalogue, actually; not old. After all, it only arrived yesterday. Ol' catalogue is just an expression, of sorts, of which I'm sure you were already aware.
So anyway, I settled in next to ol' Peepers...
Now ol' Peepers IS old, for sure.
As old as the hills, I do believe.
So anyway, I settled in next to ol' old Peepers, excited to see what the plant peeps would be offerin' in the line of new varieties of catnip next spring. The furs on the back of my neck were tinglin'. The excitement in the air was palpable. My tail was a-twitchin', as were my whiskers. I could barely contain my enthusiasm. I could...
Dahlias. And hostas? And other non-catnip things?
What the mousie mousin' mouses is the meanin' of this?
"LET ME SEE THAT DARNED, STUPID OL' BOOK!", I cried, grabbin' it away from the peep. Pawin' through its pages, I found all sorts of stupid moused-up plants but not a single variety of nip.
The excited fur-raisin' electricity in the air that had had me a-buzzin' died down to a dull snore. My dreams of growin' the latest varieties of catnip fizzled like the pop in a tin of soda left open all night. My whiskers drooped so low they were practically touchin' the floor. My tail was so limp, I could barely swish it back and forth with disgust.
Barely. I said barely. I did muster a few swishes as a warnin' to anyone watchin' that things were not right with the world. I mean...
I mean, HOW CAN A COMPANY CALL ITSELF A PLANT COMPANY WHEN NOT SELLIN' THE MOST WONDERFUL PLANT IN THE WORLD?
Peepers mumbled something 'bout something 'bout my not needin' more nip.
HAS THE WORLD ALL GONE MAD?
AS WELL AS THE PEEP?
Actually, methinks that particular ship sailed a long time ago.
Repulsed by what I was seein', I jumped down from the chesterfield with disgust. I'd show her. I'd show that Peepers a thing or two. I'd...
And suddenly I knew exactly what to do. My catnip plants had not yet been harvested and I happened to know for a fact that there were seeds 'mongst some of the buds. I would collect as much seed as I could on my furs, then roll around in every bare inch of soil I could find, spreadin' the catnip seeds far and wide, leaving 'em to germinate come spring.
I'm tellin' ya, who needs plant catalogues when you have a mind as brilliant as mine?
Well, I am a cat. Brilliance is kinda expected.
Remember to mask up, too.