Peeps: can't live with 'em; can't live without 'em, either.
Okay, so maybe you can live with peeps. It's not easy, my friends, but it can be done. I, myself, am a shinin' example of that, I suppose. Been livin' with these two good-for-nothin' peeps now for a number of years. But let me say this again: IT HASN'T BEEN EASY, FOR SURE.
Why just this mornin'...
Just this mornin', Peepers was busy in the kitchen bakin'. Now I saw her gettin' stuff out of the cupboards and I said to myself, "Oh goody, goody gumdrops! Peepers is gonna make me a Catnip Cake." It kinda surprised me how thoughtful she was bein', I must say, and I did wonder if she was bein' driven by some kinda nefarious, ulterior motive. You know, like takin' me to see Dr T. But I checked the kitchen calendar and there was nothing 'bout vet visits there, so I figured I was safe.
Little did I know.
Now when I say little did I know, I'm not talking 'bout an unexpected doctor's visit. No, I'm talking 'bout there bein' no Catnip Cake.
First of all, it wasn't cake she was bakin'. Nope, Peepers was makin' muffins, my friends. I realised this once I saw the muffin pans and papers on the counter top and that's when I said to myself, "Oh goody, goody gumdrops! Peepers is gonna make me Catnip Muffins." Now Catnip Muffins are not as good as Catnip Cake, of course, on account of muffins not bein' iced with cream cheese and nip frostin', but when it comes to treats, Catnip Muffins are still pretty good, I must admit.
As long as there's nip.
Now when I say as long as there's nip, I'm not talking 'bout there bein' a sufficient quantity of catnip in the muffins. I mean, that kinda goes without sayin', for sure, but in this particular case...
In this particular case...
In this particular case, there was...
Okay, so let me ask you this: What do you call Catnip Muffins that contain absolutely no nip?
Well I'll tell you what you DON'T call 'em, my friends. You don't call Catnip Muffins, for sure.
Stupid Muffins, Dumb Muffins, Idiotic Muffins, Ridiculous Muffins, Total Waste of Flour and Stuff Muffins, Worst Muffins on the Face of the Earth Muffins, etc, etc... All those names would be completely appropriate for what that ol' peep baked. But Catnip Muffins?
I think not.
So the bottom line is, Peepers made a batch of her now famous Total Waste of Flour and Stuff Cranberry Muffins and I ate not one. Nope, not even a single bite. Didn't want any, my friends, on account of their bein' so stupid and yucky and bleh and...
And did I mention they were a total waste of flour and stuff and contained absolutely no nip?
I believe, in fact, I did.
So here's the thing: A cat might need a peep to open a tin now and then which might be why livin' with 'em can, in fact, be useful. Why livin' without 'em is so hard, but...
But when your peep ruins your day to the extreme by makin' yucky ol' dumb catnipless muffins instead of Catnip Cake with Cream Cheese Nip Frostin'..
Well, I think you know the rest.
I'm tellin' ya, I SIMPLY CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS PEEP.
Remember to mask up, too.