I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', why did I scratch the peep?
Well I didn't. So there.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', why did Saffy bite the peep?
Well to tell you the truth, he didn't. At least not today. Not so far, anyway.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', then what the mouses is Seville rattlin' on about now?
Well let me tell you a story, my friends. A story 'bout peeps misplacin' their aggression. Not my aggression. Not Saffy's. THEIRS.
No, some stranger peep didn't come over to my house and scratch or bite Peepers.
I don't think.
Okay, so here's the thing about peeps: Sometimes peeps do or don't do stuff they shouldn't or should be doin' and then, instead of admittin' their mistake or poor judgement and learnin' from it, they feel guilty 'bout what they did or didn't do, and then get all hot under the collar for no good reason.
It's a fact.
My peep, you ask? What did MY peep do that she shouldn't have done, or didn't do what she should have done, and is feelin' all guilty 'bout havin' or not havin' done what she should or shouldn't have done, and is now takin' HER MISPLACED AGGRESSION FUELLED BY GUILT out on Saffy and me?
Well to tell you the truth, I'm not sure. BUT I DO KNOW THERE WAS SOMETHIN' on account of her bein' short-tempered this mornin' when SOME KITTY - not mentionin' any names - was scratchin' the new family room chesterfield.
Okay, so it's not actually new. The chesterfield, I mean. But it is newER than the couch in the livin' room, by several years.
Newer than Peepers, too, but then practically everythin' is.
So anyway, as you know, cats in this here house RULE so if a kitty wants to scratch furniture or whatever, said kitty should not be scolded or chastised or anythin' like that for doin' so. Not even Saffy. Nope, not even him. I, Seville the Cat, decided long ago that if a cat needs to scratch somethin', a cat should not have to walk all the way across the room to an official scratchin' post to scratch.
And if a peep is gonna get all uppity and cranky and goodness knows what just 'cause a kitty NEEDS to get in a good stretch and scratch and the nearest thing to scratch - other than a peep's leg - happens to be a chesterfield, then OBVIOUSLY said cranky ol' peep has a case of misplaced aggression, most likely due to feelings of guilt about somethin' she did or didn't do that she shouldn't or should have done.
Or somethin' like that.
Of course, we cats never suffer from this kind of guilt-fuelled misplaced aggression on account of our bein' cats. As cats, we're pretty much perfect, and therefore never do anythin' wrong, and so obviously never have feelings of guilt. There's no reason to feel guilty when you're always in the right, you see.
Peeps, on the other paw, need to learn how to stop makin' mistakes and keep their stupid ol' crankiness all to themselves.
Imagine scoldin' a cat for scratchin' a couch.
Remember to mask up, too.