Okay folks, it's now ninety-eight weeks. Ninety-eight weeks since this ol' pandemic thingy began. Ninety-eight weeks that I've been cooped up with these ol' peeps of mine. Ninety-eight weeks since...
You know what? You know, translatin' those ninety-eight weeks into cat seconds puts the amount of time I've been burdened with my peeps into better perspective, for sure.
*furiously scribbles numbers on paper*
So we're talkin' five hundred and thirty-three million, four hundred and thirty-three thousand, six hundred cat seconds, my friends.
Did you hear that? Did you hear that at the back of the room?
I said, five hundred and thirty-three million, four hundred and thirty-three thousand, six hundred cat seconds, and that's a whole lotta cat seconds, for sure.
It has felt like an eternity, my friends. AN ETERNITY!
And speakin' of eternities...
Speakin' of eternities, do you know what else 'round here feels like an eternity to me?
Well I'll tell you what 'round here feels like an eternity. Havin' a new brother, is what feels like that. Yup, havin' a new brother feels like an eternity, for sure.
It's seems like everythin' these days is Saffy this and Saffy that. Saffron does one stupid little thing... One stupid little thing that I've been doin' my entire life... And the whole world stops to congratulate him.
This little Saffy Saffron fan club is gettin' on my nerves, to be sure.
What nerves I have left after bein' cooped up with the peeps now for five hundred and thirty-three million, four hundred and thirty-three thousand, six hundred cat seconds, that is.
HOW MUCH MORE IS A CAT LIKE ME EXPECTED TO ENDURE?
And I can tell you somethin' else, my friends. I can tell you FOR A FACT that a kitty washin' his bum after doin' his business is simply somethin' a good kitty does, and NOT somethin' you need to be handin' out trophies and things for doin'. I mean...
I mean, WHERE HAVE ALL MY TROPHIES BEEN ALL THESE YEARS?
I'VE BEEN DOIN' THIS STUFF ALL OF MY LIFE, but you don't see me gettin' smothered with praise every time I do my poops. No sirree, I poop and I have a good wash like good cats do, and I do that all without bein' told, whereas Saffron...
Saffron, apparently, needs to be rewarded and stuff.
Cats needin' to be rewarded just for bein' cats.
And let met tell you somethin' else. Never, ever, EVER HAVE I...
No, I shall leave his other antics for another post.
Hear that, Saffy? Hear that? I'm tellin' the world all your secrets. THE WHOLE WORLD, I say! The whole, entire, big ol' world.
Remember to mask up, too.