Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, there was a Devilishly Dashing Dude named Seville. Now Seville was a marmalade cat as handsome as handsome can be. But as gorgeous as he was, he was far more than just a pretty face, for Seville was also a highly intelligent cat, for sure. Much, much, MUCH more intelligent than his stupid ol' peeps.
Plus, he was incredibly modest, too.
And did I mention he was handsome?
So anyway, Seville, the devilishly dashing dude that he was, found himself livin' with a couple of no good for nothin' peeps durin' a pandemic and let me tell you somethin', my friends: bein' cooped up with those peeps for three hundred and fifty-nine million, two hundred and fifty-one thousand, two hundred cat seconds was tryin' his patience, for sure.
Now as a cat, Seville was patience personified, of course, but...
QUIT MAKIN' THOSE STUPID NOISES OVER THERE, PEEPERS! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKIN' ON MY BLOG? Your noisily suppin' your tea like that is distractin' me.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah, I remember now.
So Seville the Cat was patience personified, for sure. He had to be, you see. I mean, havin' those ridiculously stupid peeps on his paws, twenty-four seven, required more patience than an average cat could ever hope to muster.
PEEPERS! I TOLD YOU TO QUIT MAKIN' THOSE NOISES!!!
But anyway, Seville the Cat, bein' as patient as a saint, I should think, put up with his stupid-tailed peeps and their ridiculously stupid behaviour for sixty-six weeks. It wasn't that he wanted to put up with this behaviour, of course, but...
Well he realised, they probably couldn't help bein' stupid. After all, they were just peeps.
Peeps can't help their bein' an inferior species, you see.
And if Seville was anythin', SEVILLE WAS KIND.
Well, kind and... And highly intelligent. And incredibly handsome, to boot.
And did I mention he was modest?
So on that fateful day when Seville found himself doin' the extremely complicated mathematical computations of figurin' out how many cat seconds there are in sixty-six weeks on his paws, he realised what a toll this ol' pandemic had taken on him. How stressful and tiresome it had been to have stupid-tailed peeps with him, day in and day out, for that many days, and...
And Seville decided he needed a vacation.
Problem was, the devilishly dashing dude had nowhere to go.
'Cept outdoors, of course. Into the backyard.
But the problem with goin' outside was that those stupid peeps of his, bein' mere peeps, wanted to got outside with him! Yup, they tagged along like a couple of puppies.
So Seville decided he needed to come up with a plan!
And this, my friends, is the reason I have listed Peep numbers one and two for sale, on-line.
Now TECHNICALLY, you're not allowed to sell peeps on-line, and if you try, the police show up at the front door.
Yeah, that was kinda embarrassing, I admit.
But apparently, you are allowed to swap 'em. I found a whole site where peeps swap houses and jobs and things all the time!
And so far - paws crossed - no one has shown up at the door to stop me.
So I'm hopin' to have traded the peeps in for upgraded versions by the end of next week 'cause let me tell you somethin', my friends: I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THESE STUPID 'OL PEEPS OF MINE.
And if the upgraded versions come with cases of Fancy Feast and bottles of cream, that's definitely okay with me.
Remember to mask up, too.