Wednesday 21 October 2020

what a pig


What a pig.


WHAT. A. PIG.


WHAT A MESSY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHIN'-SLOPPY-EATIN' PIG.


MOUSES!


No Peepers, I'm not talkin' about you.


This time.


MOUSES!


Hey Peepers!  Come take a gander at this.


NO, it's not a goose.  What the mouses are you talkin' about, woman?  What the....


OH...  I see: gander...  Like in male goose.  Sometimes I really wonder 'bout you.  *scratches behind an ear*  You truly are a very silly peep.


MOUSES!


But it is a bird, I'm talkin' about, here.  Yup, it's a blue jay bird.  A messy, good-for-nothin'-sloppy-eatin' blue jay kinda bird.


What do you MEAN I should be nice?  Have you watched these blue jays eatin' at the feeders?  Have you?  HAVE YOU?  Have you honestly watched 'em at all?  'Cause let me tell you somethin', Peepers.  Let me tell you...


Let me tell you, although they may be pretty birds with their bright blue plumage and stuff, THEY EAT LIKE PIGS.  PIGS, I TELL YOU!  Pigs.


Just look at that one goin' at the feeder over there.  He sits on the edge and 'cause he's too heavy for the feeder - probably on account of his stuffin' his mouth with a whole feeder's worth of seed yesterday - he tips it way over, practically on its side.  Then he sticks his beak in and starts pushin' the seeds outta the feeder and onto the ground.  Sweeping 'em away in a mad sweepin' frenzy!  THEN, after he's emptied out a good inch of seed, he swoops down onto the ground and stuffs his face with bird seed 'til...


'Till...


'TILL HE'S READY TO FLY UP TO THE FEEDER AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.


HE'S EATIN' US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME!


MOUSES!


And if that's not enough, the little chickadees are havin' a hard time gettin' to the feeders to eat.


AND...


AND...


And I'm thinkin', Peepers...


Don't look at me like that.  I THINK. 


Of all the cheeky good-for-nothin' peeps.


MOUSES!


I'M THINKIN' that the more money you have to spend on feedin' those darned sloppy eatin' birds, the less money you'll have for the important things in life, like...


Well...


ME.


MOUSES!


Go on out there, Peepers.  Go tell off those birds.  SOMEBODY has gotta do it and, quite frankly, they're more likely to listen to you than me.  You know, on account of their flyin' off when they see me comin' because I'm a cat.


Plus...


Well...


Well I'm currently in need of a snack.


AND...


And the blue jays would probably appreciate my gettin' that snack in the kitchen and not out on the veranda 'cause if there's one thing birds like less than cats, it's a hungry cat in need of a snack.


MOUSES!


 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

8 comments:

  1. Seville, you are SO RIGHT!
    Priorities, peeps...the cat comes FIRST!

    ReplyDelete
  2. They are messy birds Seville and your logic is good, you should be the priority!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Them birds, them blue jays, they sure do ruuin the party! Mrs H says just dont let them make a booking next time, MOL
    Purrs
    ERin
    PS, maybe you could get size appropriate feeders that only small birds can get into?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dude, those burds sound just like the heathen starlings in our garden, they swoop in and scoff everything, then leave, they're utter gannets and the poor little burds are left with the scraps on the floor tsk tsk. We're going to be taking measures soon for sure! Happy Purrsday xox

    ReplyDelete
  5. Birds eat us out of house and home too. They really are all pigs.

    ReplyDelete
  6. dood..see...thiz iz proof pawsitive what we haz been sayin for yeerz....burd iz nastee rood noizee & just planenoizee rood & nastee~~~~~~ bee healthee pal ~~ ♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  7. They most definitely DO NOT like a hungry kitty near them Seville. Keep them in check because they surely need it

    ReplyDelete
  8. If they didn't want us kitties to be tempted to eat them, they shouldn't be wearing such flashy colored suits to begin with, I say! Winks.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.