Sorry. Sorry! Gosh darn it, I SAID I was sorry. I usually only call Peepers a freak. Gimme ten minutes and I'll come up with somethin' else to call you.
BLOGGIN'. BLOGGIN'! I'll explain it to you again: I have a blog. Yes, I am a cat AND I have a blog, and that means I need the Internet, you see.
Let's try this ONCE MORE. I, Seville the Cat, have a blog. And I can't write my blog unless I can get on-line, and I...
YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW SLIPPERY THESE HERE COMPUTER KEYS ARE FOR MY CLAWS? I can't be fiddlin' over and over and over again, hopin' and purrin' that THIS time it'll work. I'M SEVILLE THE CAT! I CAN'T WORK WITH NOTHIN' MORE THAN A HOPE AND A PURR.
*hangs up phone*
Boy-oh-boy, you'd THINK our Internet provider would be proud to have me, Seville the Cat, usin' their services, but from the looks of things...
I'm upset. Peepers is upset. The neighbours are probably upset, too, on account of that ol' scream Peepers let out 'bout an hour ago.
It was a doozy, for sure.
The scream, I mean. Not the peep.
It's bad enough I've been cooped up here with the peeps for one hundred and twenty-nine million, one hundred and ninety-three thousand, six hundred cat seconds, due to this pandemic thingy. And now I have to be cooped up with 'em with lousy Internet service, too?
It's more than a kitty can bear, I tell you. MORE THAN A KITTY CAN BEAR!
The peeps are seriously thinking 'bout switchin' Internet providers. Switchin' is a hassle, Peepers says, but...
But I won't have to do anythin', so it isn't a hassle for me. As opposed to my not bein' able to get on-line when I need to blog, or everythin' bein' so slow I can't visit my pals on Facebook. Now THOSE THINGS are hassles, for sure.
And that's what counts.
What's more, what's a hassle for me is a hassle for others, too, 'cause...
'Cause when I start complaining 'bout feelin' hassled...
NO, I'm not thinking 'bout complainin' by meowing, loudly. I could, of course, but that's not the most effective method of complainin', you see.
The MOST EFFECTIVE method of complainin' is...
POOPS IN SHOES.
THAT'S how you get their attention, for sure.
The question is, how can I get my paws on all the shoes belongin' to the peeps in charge of the Internet?
Peepers, prepare the teleportation device.
'Cause I've got some poopin' to do.
I had best pack a couple masks to take with me, I think.
You know, to be socially responsible and stuff.
AND I had best pack some dairy type snacks like uh... Like cheese and a big bowl of milk.
If you're gonna poop in peeps' shoes to make a statement, you wanna make that statement as soft and as STINKY as can be.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.
Remember to mask up, too.
Remember to mask up, too.