Peepers, let me get this straight. While out walkin' the other night, you say you met my...
My DOPPELGANGER? Is that what you met?
*scratches behind an ear*
While out on a walk, you say.
*scratches behind the other ear*
But what were you doin' siftin' through the litter box while out walkin'?
And HOW were you siftin' through the litter box while outside, walkin'?
And how did the litter box end up outside in the first place? Litter boxes are INDOOR plumbing, Peepers. INDOORS!
What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' about now?
What do you MEAN doppelgangers have nothin' to do with litter boxes and litter?
No, SERIOUSLY, what do you mean? I always thought...
So what does the word "doppelganger"mean then, Ms Know-it-all Smarty-pants Peepers? Huh? HUH? Betcha don't know. Betcha don't have a clue. Betcha...
So let me get this straight, while you were out walkin' the other night, you happened to come across a kitty that looks exactly like me.
Well that must have been one VERY GOOD LOOKIN' kitty, for sure. I mean, if he looked exactly like me...
Just how good lookin' was he, Peepers? Was he REALLY as good lookin' as me? Was he...
Was he BETTER lookin' than me?
Nah, that would be an impossibility, for sure.
He wasn't better lookin' than me, was he Peepers? Tell me the truth. I.. I... I can handle it. I can..
NO, DON'T tell me. Don't give me an answer. Don't...
Unless, of course, you're gonna tell me I'M the better lookin' kitty. You can tell me that. I can handle hearin' that.
I see... So he's not nearly as good lookin' as me.
He doesn't have a locket, you say? He doesn't have that cute little patch of cream fur I wear 'bout my neck?
And no adorable freckles on the nose, either, huh?
OH... Well then OF COURSE he's not as good-lookin' as me.
But he does look like me in every other way.
Or so you say.
You know what, Peepers? You and I have been cooped up in this here house for a whole twenty-one weeks, now. For a whole one hundred and fourteen million, three hundred and seven thousand, two hundred seconds in cat time. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
In all that time, we never knew my doppelganger was living 'round here.
As opposed to livin' in the litter box, but I guess that's not what bein' a doppelganger is really about.
You think this doppelganger business could be some kinda wacky, alternative universe crossover, pandemic-inspired super weird kinda thing? After all, it is 2020, Peepers. A kitty never knows what to expect next.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.
Remember to mask up, too.
Remember to mask up, too.