So I've had the peeps at home here with me for twelve whole weeks.
Twelve weeks as in...
Hold on a sec, I've gonna do the calculations on a scrap of paper, and...
Got it! I've had the peeps at home here with me for sixty-five million, three hundred and eighteen thousand, and four hundred seconds, in cat time.
And in case you're all wonderin', BEFORE YOU ALL ASK, YES. Yes, the answer is YES. Yes as in, I do have to do these weekly calculations, on account of this here blog of mine bein' a part of recorded history. I mean, where else will future litters of kittens find out about the sufferin' cats have endured by havin' to have their peeps on their paws all day, every day, durin' this future historical time?
I mean, have you ever read 'bout how the cats felt as they endured havin' their peeps home all day, every day, durin' the Spanish Flu? Or the Bubonic Plague? Or... Or any other pandemic of any other kind?
NO, of course you haven't. And why is that?
Well I'll tell you why that is. It's 'cause no bloggin' kitty one or seven hundred years ago had the furthought to officially keep track of what they were endurin'.
Of course, there were no bloggin' kitties way back then, but still...
But still nothin'. MOUSES!
So anyway, peeps 'round these here parts are gettin' more freedoms to go out and about these days but unfortunately, MY peeps, are still home with me most of the time. Oh sure, Peepers goes out once a week for groceries but one day a week is NOTHIN' compared to the days of yore. Nothin', I tell you. NOTHIN'!
Why I remember when...
I remember when Peepers never bothered to write up a grocery list before goin' shoppin' and therefore never got the stuff she needed and ended up goin' shoppin' like practically every other day.
Scratch that. She usually did write the list. She just never remembered to take it with her on account of her havin' the memory of a goldfish in a teeny tiny goldfish bowl.
But the thing is, I USED TO GET RID OF HER SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK!
Now, I'm lucky to get her out of the house once or twice.
And I'm tellin' ya, this peeps on my paws business is gettin' old, real fast.
Why just the other day...
Just the other day, I found myself outside, not wantin' to come in.
Now truth be told, it had been a really warm day and I was enjoyin' the cool night air, so I didn't really wanna come inside anyway, but...
But the thought of havin' to deal with the peeps if I went back inside, was more than I could take.
So I held out and didn't come in 'til one the next mornin'.
Problem is, the next day, Peepers refused to let me outside at all, sayin' I had been naughty and stuff - WHICH I WASN'T - but she was sayin' it nonetheless, and even though I was pretty darn tired the followin' mornin' and therefore quite happy to sleep in for a bit, by the time the evenin' rolled 'round, I was ready to party like no other cat has partied before in the history of catkind!
But the peep, bein' a peep, said I had to stay inside.
So I, bein' the cat of infinite wisdom that I am, decided to eat some extra dry kibble, super duper fast, without chewin' it at all, and toss my cookies inside the peep's gardening shoes.
And do you know what happened then?
Well I'll tell you what happened then. Peepers had to go to the store to get another pair of cheap shoes for workin' in the garden, so...
So I got Peepers to go out shoppin' for a second day in a row!
I'm tellin' you, I'm practically blinded by my own brilliance.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.