Wednesday, 22 April 2020

the haircut

"Hey there, Peepers.  Whatcha..."

I stopped in my tracks and took a second look.

"Is that really you, Peepers?  WHAT THE MOUSES HAPPENED TO YOU?  WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Frozen in my pawsteps, I saw the most horrible sight I had ever before seen.  The most horrible sight ANY cat had ever seen.  Standin' right there in front of me, was...

THE PEEP.

MOUSES!

And believe-you-me, my friends, there are some sights a kitty will never unsee.

MOUSES!

"You...  You...  YOU...  YOU CUT YOUR OWN HAIR?" I stammered.  "And...  And...  AND...  WHAT DID YOU USE?"

MOUSES!

I couldn't believe my eyes, my friends.  The peep had gone off the edge, for sure.  Jumped off the high divin' board into the deepest, darkest pool there ever had been.  She had taken the groomin' tools and lopped off huge chunks of her hair!  An inch here.  Four inches there.  Three inches by her ears...  Scratch that, three inches by ONE ear, six by the other, and...

And she looked like...

Well she looked like she had run her head through a dull-bladed blender, masquerading as a lawn whipper snipper, bein' operated by Pablo Picasso.

ON ONE OF HIS BAD DAYS.

MOUSES!

I mean, it's not like Peepers sports the most up-to-date looks on that head of hers at the best of times.  Hair pulled back in a ponytail - off her face and out of her eyes - is her standard DO.

But still...

"PEEPERS!" I yelled, graspin' her face between my two front paws, tryin' to shake some sense into her.  "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

I wondered if I would ever be able to face the neighbourhood cats again.  Would they be laughin' at me behind my back once they caught a glimpse of the peep I called mine?

THIS WAS EVEN WORSE THAN THAT TIME SHE GOT TREE SAP STUCK IN HER HAIR FROM THOSE PINES.

MOUSES!

"No, no....  NOOOOO!!!   No, Peepers, no.  How could you DO this to me?" and I closed my eyes tight, tryin' to forget what I'd seen.

Then I opened my eyes.

And I looked up at the peep.

She appeared almost normal to me.

Well you know, normal for her, at least.

"Peepers, did you not cut your hair?" I asked.

Lookin' perplexed, she said, "Seville, hair salons have all shut down because of COVID-19."

"I KNOW THAT, Peepers," I snapped.  "But I thought you...  I thought you went ahead and cut it yourself."

"I really do need a trim," Peepers murmured as she pulled her silly-lookin' ponytail forward, probably examinin' split ends.  "But no, I'm not yet desperate enough to attempt cutting my own hair.  I think you must have been dreaming, Seville."

"NIGHTMARE, is more like it," I said with relief.  "Had you seen what I saw," and I shuddered beyond belief.  "MOUSES!"

Then as Peepers turned to walk away, held in her paw - I mean, hand - I SAW SCISSORS.

MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!


And whatever you do...

DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS CUT THEIR OWN HAIR!



8 comments:

  1. My human trims her own bangs occasionally, and she is fairly decent at that. But she will be relieved when she can get her straggly ends professionally trimmed!

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  2. Too late... she did it. She took the hair clipper, and suddenly her bangs was gone, MOL ! Purrs

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  3. Goodness!
    Poor Seville!
    At least she didn’t try going Sinéad O’Conor!
    That could be messy and Picasoish with missing ear!

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  4. That happened here too Seville, strange but true!

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  5. Thank COD your Peeper did not cut her own hair, Sivvers. But yeah, desperate times...

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  6. I figure that I embarrass the cats with my bandana masks, so I'll leave the hair cutting to the professionals.

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  7. Oh, you poor Cat! What a terrible shock you must have had!

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  8. I should trim my bangs, but I am a lefty and I would probably poke my eye out.

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.