I sniffed the air. What was it I was smellin'? Was it the peep?
I jumped onto the chesterfield and sniffed the air once more, with my sniffer leadin' me straight to ol' Peepers.
*sniff sniff, sniff sniff sniff*
Puttin' my front paws on her lap, I gave her a sniff. Stretching my neck as far as it would stretch, and puttin' my nose right up by her face, I took a deep breath, and...
AND I RECOILED IN HORROR.
"Peepers, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
The peep looked at me all innocent like, so I repeated, "PEEPERS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"What?" she asked, like she didn't already know.
"Peepers, YOU'VE BEEN INTO MY NIP."
I sat back on my haunches, tryin' to figure out if I should turn and walk out of the room in disgust, sit there and give her a good tellin' off, or maybe just smacky-paw her about the ears.
The peep, bein' a peep, didn't show any sign of her bein' ashamed.
"Peepers," I began, "I can smell catnip on your breath." Then I glared at her like only a cat can do, my stare boring into her feeble-minded brain like a laser beam cuttin' through soft butter.
Oohhh... Butter... Mmmm....
But I digress.
"What are you talking about Seville?"
"YOU KNOW DARN WELL WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT, PEEPERS. You've been into my nip. I CAN SMELL IT ON YOUR BREATH! MOUSES!"
"I have not..."
"WE HAD A DEAL!" I interrupted. "We had a deal, you and I. We HAD a deal. I don't eat your chocolate, and you keep away from my nip. MOUSES!"
"Seville, you don't eat chocolate because A, you don't like it, and B, chocolate can make kitties sick. You don't eat it because it's not good for you."
"SO YOU ADMIT IT!" I hollered at the top of my lungs. "You admit that you've been into my nip. And NOW you're tryin' to defend your fiendishly fiendish actions by CLAIMING we never had an agreement stipulating you'd never eat my nip."
"No... No, Seville. NO. I'm doing no such thing. We never had any kind of chocolate - catnip agreement..."
"WE DID TOO!" I interrupted again. "We both signed the Great and All-Encompassing, Legally Binding in all Provinces and Territories, Chocolate - Catnip Treaty of 2014, way back in... Well... Well in 2014. MOUSES!"
The peep looked somewhat confused.
"Okay, so maybe I signed the agreement for you but hey, you were busy at the time and I thought I was doin' you a favour. MOUSES!"
The peep sighed.
"That a sigh of uh... Um... Of confession? Are you confessin' your guilt, Peepers? Are you ready to cop a plea? Are you prepared to atone for your actions? Make reparations? Offer up some kinda heart-felt apology?"
She shook her head, but not back and forth like a denial. It was more of a shakin' the ol' brain cells loose kinda shake that, I've noticed, Peepers often finds herself havin' to do.
"Seville," ol' Peepers said, "agreements and treaties aside, I did not eat any of your catnip. Not even one bite. Or lick. Or whatever you cats do with your nip."
I narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure? 'Cause I'm certain I smell nip on your breath." I sniffed the air once more. "Yup, I definitely smell the sweet minty aroma of catnip comin' from your lips. I definitely smell it, FOR SURE."
Peepers rolled her eyes.
Can you believe it? The peep - who is nothin' but a peep - rolled her eyes at ME. MOUSES!
"Seville, I added a little of that Holiday Candy Cane liqueur to some hot chocolate, if you really must know. The liqueur distilled here in Nova Scotia? It tastes like peppermint which I guess smells like catnip to you."
"Oh. Huh. Hmmm.... Are you SURE?" and I asked that last bit with my nose right up next to hers. "Are you SURE it's just peppermint and you haven't been sneakin' my nip?"
I sniffed the air one last time and THIS time I did detect the putrid smell of hot chocolate along with the mint. Hopping down from the couch I padded across the room and on my way out I called to the peep. "Looks like you're off the hook this time, Peepers, but for future reference, KEEP YOUR PAWS OUT OF MY NIP."
Excellent job of defending your stash, Seville!ReplyDelete
Nip plundering? I wouldn't have guess that this time of year!ReplyDelete
A likely story. Peeps should definitely stay out of your nip, Sivvers!ReplyDelete
You've always got to keep an eye on those humans!ReplyDelete
Seville this may have been a false alarm but we need to be ever vigilant of our Nip stores. I like you Seville am a connoisseur of Nip and need to maintain a good supply. Purrs my friendReplyDelete
I'm sure the Peep wasn't in your nip, Seville. I imagine she doesn't want to end up on Santa's naughty list.ReplyDelete
I think you need to hire a security guard :)ReplyDelete
Bravo, Seville! You were tactful and fair but stern and controlling with your peep! UHM actually it was your peep so you may have gone a little overboard!ReplyDelete