Wednesday, 31 July 2019

all hail the great peepers

So yesterday I was hangin' about in the garden, followin' the peep around, when...

Scratch that.  Doesn't sound like somethin' I'd do.

So yesterday I was hangin' about in the garden, allowing the peep to THINK I was followin' her around, when really, she was followin' me.

That's better.

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The peep was waterin' some stuff out there, and I was watchin' her with great interest, when...

Scratch that.  Doesn't sound like somethin' I'd do.

The peep was waterin' some stuff out there, and I was SUPERVISING her activities.

That's better.

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Well at some point she and I ended up way at the back of the garden, and she was waterin' these vine things climbing up some kinda metal contraption.  They looked like they were tryin' to take over the place!

You know, like aliens do.

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Well the peep was gettin' awfully close to those possibly alien vines, and I thought to myself, Oh great, next thing I know she's gonna get her brain snatched or somethin' like that.

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Then, after watering the possibly alien vines, she started pokin' around in them, looking under leaves and things like that, making me then think, Yup, here comes the brain snatchin' bit.  You see it on TV all the time and it happens just like that.  Peeps stickin' their noses into places their noses don't belong.

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Well the next thing I knew, out from under one of those vines, the peep pulled...

Pulled...

PULLED...

A CUCUMBER.

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My jaw dropped.  My face paled.  My hind legs got all wobbly and stuff.

Are you crazy?  Are you mad?  Have you gone bonkers?  ARE YOU INSANE?  Peepers, put that Dirty Rotten, Dastardly Dangerous Cucumber DOWN!

Well the peep, bein' a peep, totally ignored my high-pitched screams...

Scratch that.  Doesn't sound like somethin' I'd do.

Well the peep, bein' a peep, totally ignored my MANly MANcat demand.  In fact, instead of heeding my warning, she reached back in and pulled out another...

CUCUMBER.

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I wanted to cry.  I wanted to sob.  I wanted to save my peep from that dastardly, dirty rotten fruit.  I wanted to...

Okay, so I ran.  I admit it.  Are you satisfied?  You can't blame a kitty for that.  I mean, maybe the peep didn't care if the cucumber aliens ate her brains, but I - bein' the extremely intelligent cat that I am - knew the best thing to do at the sight of a cucumber was...

RUN.

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So I ran.  I ran and I ran and I ran.  I ran straight to the house and into the kitchen to warn Rushton and Peep #2, and...

And then the next thing I knew, Ol' Peepers was there in the kitchen, too.  And in her paws...  I mean, hands, were three cukes.

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Well let me tell you, my friends.  What I witnessed next, I can barely believe.  It was a sight no kitty has ever seen.

There was my peep.  MY peep.  Ol' Peepers, for sure.  Well she wrestled those cucumber freaks.  She wrestled 'em right into the sink, drownin' their alieness right out of 'em.  And after half-drowning the things, she ATTACKED 'EM WITH KNIVES!  KNIVES!

Okay, so there was only one knife involved, but when you think about it, that makes what she did even MORE courageous and fearless and...

Dumb?

Maybe.

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Next thing I knew, she was skinning those alien things.  She was slicing and dicing and...

Well...

Well let's just say, a cucumber is not nearly so intimidating to a kitty like me when it's made into little tea sandwiches, as pretty as can be.

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I sighed a huge sigh of relief, knowing MY PEEP had won the GREAT CUCUMBER BATTLE of 2019.  Then I called up the New York Times, as well as the Globe and Mail, knowing they'd surely want first dibs on THE story of the century.

Long story short, they didn't.

I have no idea why.

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ALL HAIL THE GREAT PEEPERS!  Three cucumbers taken down without even breaking a sweat.

And that, my friends, was that.

MOUSES!

*******************

Hey everybody!  You all remember a few years back when peeps were scarin' kitties with cucumbers?  Yup, it was crazy as crazy can be.  I did blog about it at the time, and you can read all 'bout it right HERE.  MOUSES!

7 comments:

  1. Seville, what a scary incident! Doesn't your peep know that cucumbers and cats just don't mix?!?

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  2. That was some brave Pepper slaying those cucumber aliens!

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  3. Seville! I am SO relieved that you were able to get away from those vile cucumbers 🥒. I am impressed with the ferociousness of your peeps!

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  4. That is exactly the sort of thing Mrs H would do. . . they're not related, are they? Same school of Housekeeping, Ettiquette and Witchcraft, maybe ;)
    Purrs
    ERin

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  5. My human would have done the same thing with those cucumbers.

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  6. That brain eating stuff is Skeery my friend. We are sooo glad there are no cucumber creatures at our house. Whew

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  7. WOW! Your peep is brave to take down 3 at once :)

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.