Although to be perfectly honest, IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
No it wasn't.
No, it wasn't.
No, Peepers, NO. It was NOT my fault.
Why yours, of course.
Well first of all, you - yes, YOU - opened the garage door. Had you not opened the garage door, I wouldn't have gone inside it.
Secondly, you - yes, YOU - decided to pick me up in your arms to carry me out of said garage. Had you not picked me up in your arms, I wouldn't have been within smackin' distance of your face.
And thirdly, you - yes, YOU - decided to close the garage door whilst I was up in your arms. Had you not closed the garage door while holding me, I wouldn't have panicked and stuff and struggled to get away. And in my DESPERATE struggle, I wouldn't have accidentally stuck a claw in your face. I wouldn't have accidentally scratched your arm, either.
Besides, I SAID I was sorry.
Not that I should be the one apologizin'. I mean, it WAS YOUR fault.
Why, if ANYONE owes anyone an apology, YOU owe an apology to ME.
Oh quit your griping, woman. There are plenty of peeps out there sportin' piercings in all sorts of strange places. I've seen it myself so I know it is true. Just think, my claw gave you a piercing for free! If anythin', you should be thankin' me.
Just stick an earring in your lip and you'll be all set.
And as for the scratch on your arm...
A little makeup should cover that.
OR how 'bout one of those spray tans? You happen to have a bottle of spray tan on paw?
I'll say it again. Three things, Peepers:
One, you got your lip pierced for free.
Two, I already said I was sorry
And three, and most importantly, IT REALLY WAS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Besides, it's practically already all healed up. Really, I can barely even see it. You need me to pierce that lip of yours again? Only THIS time, I'm not doin' it for free.