Wednesday 21 November 2018

dead mouse walkin'

Hey you.  Yeah, YOU!  YOU, you little...

MOUSES!

Stop squirmin', you little...

MOUSES!

I said, STOP SQUIRMIN'.

Oh for mousin' out loud, of all the stupid, moused-up mice, I, Seville the Cat, had to come across the most stupid, most moused-up mouse of all.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, it's times like this that can really try a cat's patience, for sure.

MOUSES!

Now stand still there little fellow...

Hmmm...

To tell you the truth, I don't know if you're a fellow or a gal.

Actually, to tell you the REAL truth, I don't really care.  What I do care about is the fact that you're here in my garden, thinkin' you're gonna take up residence in my house, or somethin' like that.

And let me tell you somethin' little guy.

YOU'RE NOT.

No way.  No how.  No chance.

MOUSES!

You do realise that I, Seville the Cat, live in this here house, right?

You didn't know that, huh?  Well I do.  And although I'll admit to not bein' the most uh...  Hmmm...  Skilled?  Nah, that doesn't sound very good.  Hmmm...  INTERESTED!  Yeah, that's it.  Bein' uninterested sounds WAY better than admittin' to havin' a lack of skills.

Now where was I?

Oh yeah.  So LISTEN UP THERE, BUDDY, although I'll admit to not bein' the most INTERESTED cat when it comes to the huntin' of mice, I'm still not gonna let you move into my house.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CATS WOULD SAY IF I ALLOWED MICE FREE ACCESS TO MY HOUSE?

Well I'LL TELL YOU what they'd say.  They'd say...  Oh gosh, I don't wanna even think about what they'd say.  They'd be laughin' so hard, they might not even be able to get the words out, but the thing is...

THEY'D BE LAUGHIN' AT ME.

And I, Seville the Cat, am not gonna tolerate that.

MOUSES!

So lookie here, mousie dear, I'm givin' you fair warnin' right here and right now.  You're to pack up your things and mosey along, without even so much as a song.  'Cause I ain't no PiPin' Pied kitty when it comes to the livin' arrangements of mice.

And what if you don't, you ask?

Well I'LL TELL YOU what will happen if you don't.

If you don't mosey along outta here, right this minute, RIGHT NOW, you're gonna be one dead mouse walkin' who won't be doin' ANY talkin', at all.  You got that?

Good.  'Cause I have a reputation to protect, for sure.

MOUSES! 

But now I feel bad.  I feel like a cruel and heartless CAD.

Oh mousie...  OH MOUSIE...  Little mousie, I do feel badly for kickin' you out like this, so I'll tell you what.  Those neighbours over there?  Yeah, that's the house.  That's definitely the one.  Well rumour has it, they have stock in a cheese company.  That's right, a CHEESE company.  They buy the stuff by the TONNE.  Why don't you move in with them?  Livin' there, I know you'd have amazin' and incredible fun.

MOUSES!

11 comments:

  1. You are very sweet Seville. That was so nice of you to let him go and tell him a good house to go to. :)

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  2. My cat Jake says to send that mouse down to our house. Jake would like to invite him/her for dinner. ;)

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  3. I am not surprised that the neighbourhood cats would laugh at you! Flynn would have deaded mousie first, then given it the warning before he nommed it.

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  4. That was more than generous, Seville, I surely wouldn't have been half as kind. Well not to the top half, MOL
    Have a great day!
    Toodle pips and purrs
    ERin

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  5. I hope that mouse listened to you!

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  6. Just wanted you all to know we're thinking of you!

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  7. Excellent job of moving that mousie on down the road, Seville!

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  8. Hi guys! I am back to visiting. Mom got home from vacation, and I, Marvelous have been ignoring her. I am happy that Kozmo and Jo Jo and Cinnamon are going home. Kozmo and Jo Jo could not wait. They are quite looking forward to seeing if any Mouses have taken up residence in their house during the 4 weeks they were here. Purrsonally, I am just happy that they have gone home and I can get back into my routine. And I don't have to share Mom. And Seville, never feel bad for the mouses.
    Purrs
    Marv

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  9. Ha! We bet that mousie's living it up at the neighbor cat's house right now.

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  10. Severs, if that mousie doesn't go next door then send him down to my house in ORE Gon. I can set him up a place to live inside the wall of my house with a little door I'll carve with my paw. We can then play at night time when Mom and Dad are sleeping. Tee hee hee. Winks.

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.