Wednesday 26 September 2018


"I need a crash cart!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.  "STAT!"

Steppin' out of the way of the oncoming wheelbarrow,just in the nick of time, I said, "No Andy, I don't need you to crash a cart into me.  I need a different kinda cart than that.  I need a crash cart, and I NEED IT RIGHT NOW.  STAT!"

"Whoo, whoo, whoo...  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Whoo, whoo, whoo..."

I pawed Andy's paw away from my face.  "What do you think you're doin'?" I asked.  "You tryin' to smacky-paw me or somethin'?"

Andy narrowed his eyes.  "I'm checking to see what those bits of green are at the corners of your mouth, Seville.  Have you been into the nip?"

I looked aghast.  "OF. COURSE. NOT." I vehemently denied.  "I'm not eatin' the nip plants, at all," I told him.  "I'm givin' 'em mouth-to-mouth," I explained.  When Andy turned away from me for a second, I checked my reflection on the metal part of the wheelbarrow lyin' (Yes, lyin', as it had toppled over after it came careening toward me.) on the ground.  Seein' no bits of catnip between my teeth, I sighed with relief.

"Whoo, whoo, whoo...  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Whoo, whoo, whoo..."

"WHERE'S THAT CRASH CART?" I yelled over my shoulder.  "MOUSES!"

I noticed that Andy was no longer standin' next to me.  "Rushy, go see what's keepin' Andy.  Light a fire under his butt, okay?"

Moments later, Rushton appeared back by my side.  He was incoherently babblin' somethin' about somethin' about goodness knows what.  MOUSES!

"What?  What's that, Rushy?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?  Gosh, Rushton, you babble 'bout nonsense, just like our peep."

Rushton smiled a big smile.  Apparently he thought it was a compliment.  MOUSES!

"Whoo, whoo, whoo...  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Whoo, whoo, whoo..."

Andy reappeared.  "There you are.  FINALLY.  Where's that crash cart I need?"

My brother looked dumbfounded.   In other words, no different from usual.  MOUSES!

 "What?  WHAT?  There's not a crash cart around?  Not a single one to be found?  MOUSES!"  I continued to snack upon...  I MEAN, RESUSCITATE my baby catnip plants, all the while wonderin' what I should do next.

Then it was Andy's turn to babble like a peep and words came spillin' out of his mouth.  I did my best to make sense of what I could.

"Ol' Peepers has all the carts covered in tomatoes, you say?  Wow."

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even know we had more than one cart.  MOUSES!

"And what's with all the tomatoes, anyway?  Who the mouses cares 'bout stupid ol' tomatoes?  Why are TOMATOES coverin' all the..."

Andy interrupted with a question.

"SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT?  Why am I huffin' and puffin' like I'm givin' birth to kittens, Peepers asked?"


Gosh darn it.  Guess I watched the wrong medical drama on the television last night.  MOUSES!

Disclaimer:  I'm not actually a doctor, but I play one on TV.

Rushton started to complain 'bout my disclaimer.

"What?" and I stopped givin' the catnip plants mouth-to-mouth for a second.  Placin' my paws on my hips, I said, "FINE, I'll fix it then." 

Disclaimer:  I'm not actually a doctor, but I've WATCHED one on TV.

"Satisfied?" I asked Rushy, and went right back to work resuscitatin' the nip plants.  "Seriously," I muttered under my breath, "what does anyone expect?  Last I heard, there weren't any medical schools acceptin' us cats.  MOUSES!"

"Whoo, whoo, whoo...  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Whoo, whoo, whoo..."

Andy and Rushy both started in again with the complaints.  Complaints 'bout resuscitating and the birthin' of kittens.

"BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!" I cried.  "This, here, is the only medical stuff I know.  This is what I saw last night on the television, and..."

"SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1 !!!" I yelled, interruptin' myself.

The peep must have heard my cries of anguish and despair for just then, she arrived on the scene.  Either that, or she's been moonlightin' as a paramedic.  "Oh, Peepers.  Thank goodness you're here.  Rushy and Andy have been TOTALLY useless, for sure.  I asked for a crash cart and got NOTHIN' but grief.  MOUSES!  Here, help me get this catnip plant onto a gurney.  You happen to have a gurney on paw?" I asked, not seein' one in the immediate vicinity.  "We need to call for an ambulance right away.  My nip plants are in dire need of medical attention.  STAT!"

The peep, bein' a peep, just stood there, twiddlin' her thumbs.

And speakin' of thumb twiddlin'...  You'd really think that peeps would learn to make better use of their thumbs.  For mousin' out loud, if we cats had 'em, WE'D BE RULIN' THE WORLD BY NOW, and don't you forget it.  MOUSES!

"Peepers, don't just stand there lookin' foolish.  I know it's kinda what you normally do, but GET IT TOGETHER, MAN!!!" I cried.  "Sorry, I meant to say, woman, or rather, just peep.  Come on, Peepers..." I practically begged.  "The catnip has been growin' so well all summer.  I can't lose my nip plants after all that.  Get me a crash cart, AND GET IT FOR ME NOW!"

And that's when the peep started in on the babblin', too.

"What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?  Oh, and by the way, Rushy does a mean impression of you babblin'.  Just lettin' you know, you now have some competition, for sure.  MOUSES!"

But back to my nip.

"Whoo, whoo, whoo...  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Breathe in.  Whoo, whoo, whoo..." 

The peep then said something 'bout something 'bout frost and tomatoes which I, of course, ignored.  "Who the mouses cares 'bout your stupid tomatoes?" I muttered under my breath.  "Who?  WHO?"

And THAT, my friends, was when the peep FINALLY said somethin' of substance.

"They will?" I asked, not knowin' whether or not to believe her.  "Are you SURE?  Is this really for real?"

The peep nodded yes.

"Well I'll be..." and I let out a long whistle which, in case you didn't already know, is quite a feat for a kitty as we cats normally don't whistle.

"So you're sayin'..." I began.  "You're sayin' that UNLIKE your stupid ol' tomato plants that are now pretty much..  Well...  DEAD, The killin' frost we had last night will not kill my precious beyond priceless darlin' baby nippers?"

Again, the peep nodded.

"And they're gonna perk right up again?  Probably within the next hour?"

Once more the peep nodded her head

"Peepers, that's just about THE BEST NEWS I've heard all day!" I cried with delight.  "Yup, best news, for sure, even if the day is just beginning 'cause it's only nine in the mornin'.  But still..."

"But still..."

"Be still my heart, Peepers.  But I'm gonna STILL need that crash cart after all, 'cause I'm gonna need a place to crash out to take a very well-earned nap.  All this huffin' and puffin' has completely tuckered me out."

The peep bent down and wiped a catnip leaf from the corner of my mouth.

"Thanks, Peepers," I told her.  "And in case you were wonderin', NO.  No, I was NOT eatin' the nip plants.  Like I told Andy and Rushy earlier, I was simply giving 'em mouth-to-mouth."

"Kinda," I pawed at the ground.

"Sorta," I added, lookin' real innocent and stuff.

"Kinda like if the nip plants were sorta havin' kittens," I explained.  "You know, that type of thing."


Disclaimer:  I'm not really a doctor.  I'm actually a cat, and cats can't be doctors, as a matter of fact.   MOUSES!


  1. Mouses, for sure, Seville! Are you quite sure that you were not having a Nip induced episode? You must learn to trust peepers occasionally.

  2. Dang, don't be crashing your nip plants with the crash cart!

  3. This was such a wonderful post. Looks like the cat nip was dying and you needed to make sure to save it. You have to give it mouth to mouth. We believe you but the others may not. Thanks for the share. Now time to get the crash cart for a nap.
    World of Animals

  4. I am very relieved your nip plants will survive the frost. Did you know they are practically indestructible? Flynn had some big nip plants (which he told me were the wrong sort) and when we were doing building work they got crushed and disappeared, trodden into the ground. This year they were back again!

  5. Well, thank COD your nip plants are more hearty than those tomato plants, Sivvers. Enjoy that crashing out!

  6. That was a close call, Seville, especially as it was only 9am! What you need is a nip smoothie and to arrange shifts with Andy and Ruston, looking after the nip in case it crashes again!

  7. We don't have any catnip plants (probably if I liked it, we'd have them!) but if we DID have catnip growing in the garden I'd INSIST on an available crash cart in an emergency! Totally!

    Hugs, Teddy

  8. Maybe cats cannot be doctors but they can be techicians… CatsCAN.

  9. You need to have the peep bring all your nip inside to dry it.

  10. Wow, that was close!
    No wonder you yelled stat.
    Have a wonderful weekend...

    Noodle and crew

  11. Seville dude, mew had us in stitches - I'm a tv doctor, no actually I watched a doctor on tv!!! Dude we have two wurds fur this post - EPICALLY EPIC! MOL


    The B Team xx

    P.S. if mew get short on nip, we have plenty so just shout ok?


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