For mousin' out loud.
Are you KIDDIN' me?
Oh COME ON...
First it was the mouse in the garage.
Then there was that frog.
Now the birds are wantin' in on the action, too?
Hey! You! Yeah, YOU. YOU, you stupid bird. DON'T BE A TURD!!!
Sorry, I know. I know it's not nice to call others names, but..
Fine. FINE. Fine, so you're not a turd.
Not my fault bird rhymes with turd.
But you know, I'd just like to point out, just because the peep insists on parkin' the car in your flight path, it doesn't mean you should be droppin' your poopies - ie. turds - all over said car.
NO IT DOESN'T!
And whatever you do, don't you even THINK about dropping 'em on me. Bad enough that as a cat I have to wash my OWN bum. I don't need to be washin' up what comes out of yours, too.
So anyway, I bet you're all wonderin' what happened this time. Yup, I bet you're all wonderin' that, for sure.
No, there wasn't a bird in the garage.
But there WAS a bird.
Just not in the garage.
Let me explain what happened, at my house, yesterday.
So the peep was all up in arms 'bout somethin' happenin' to her stupid ol' lettuce plants. The new ones she just planted. The ones in the stupid pots that were just startin' to poke their heads out of the soil.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna bore you with the tedious details. I mean, we are talking 'bout lettuce plants. WHO THE MOUSES CARES ABOUT THOSE?
Apparently, the peep.
Turns out, long story short, birds have been tryin' to eat 'em.
The baby lettuces, I mean.
So there you have it. First it was the mouse causin' trouble. Then the frog. Now, birds.
And the thing is, the peep, bein' a peep, IS EXPECTIN' ME to do somethin' about it.
I know, I know... I am a cat. Cats are supposed to deal with birds, right?
SAYS WHO ???
Apparently, the peep.
But you see, the cats in my fur-fam are more into livin' and let live. We're lovers, not killers. WE DON'T CHASE NO STUPID LOUSY DIRTY ROTTEN BIRDS!
Oh sure, we watch the daily bird shows and stuff. We watch 'em. We WATCH the birds. WE DON'T KILL 'EM! We actually quite like the birdies. By nature, we kitties are peaceful kitties, you see.
But now the peep is freakin' out about her stupid ol' lettuce plants.
What's a kitty to do?
Seriously, what IS a kitty to do? I'm all out of answers, myself, which is why I've recently installed a suggestion box out at the back door. Maybe someone would like to suggest what a kitty like me should do 'bout these dirty rotten turds - I mean, BIRDS - eatin' the peep's baby lettuce plants.
So far, no one has made any suggestions.
Nope, not a one.
Not even the peep.