Wednesday, 9 May 2018

the enforcer

He thinks he's the enforcer.

He thinks HE'S the enforcer.

HA!

Everyone who knows ANYTHIN'knows I'M the enforcer 'round here.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, that long-haired marmie freak of a brother of mine, Andy, had best be rethinkin' what he has been thinkin', and he had best start rethinkin' his thinkin', RIGHT NOW.

MOUSES!

So this mornin', Peep #1 put her stupid little lettuce plants and stuff outside, to get some sun.

And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED 'bout the fact she's growin' stupid lettuce plants in the first place, and not nip.  Of course, she CAN'T grow the nip.  This, my friends, is a known fact, so I guess she has to settle for stupid plants like lettuce and stuff.  Well it's HER loss, not mine, as I'm currently growin' MY VERY OWN NIP PLANTS all by MY VERY OWN SELF, but further details 'bout that endeavour will have to wait to be reported in another blog post, another day.  MOUSES!

Anyway, before I digress even further, bottom line is, the peep put her plants outside.

You know, the stupid ones.

To get some sun.

MOUSES!

Well the next thing she knew, Andy was out there, sniffin' around those plants.

Now had Andy been out there sniffin' around MY NIP PLANTS, it would have been cause for concern, but Andy, bein' Andy, was sniffin' around the lettuces.

Like a cat wants anythin' to do with lettuce.

MOUSES!

Well the peep was out there in a shot, tellin' Andy off for sniffing 'round her plants.  Why she was so concerned, I have no idea.  Like I said before, it's not like he was sniffing 'round plants of importance.  Important plants like my nip.  Now THAT would have been a travesty, for sure.

Andy, BEIN' ANDY, just looked up at her and said, "Wha?"

MOUSES!

Now before anyone twists their knickers into knots, lettuce is perfectly harmless to cats.

But back to my story.

I mean, REPORTIN'.

MOUSES!

So Andy grumbled, and he mumbled, then headed back into the house.

So anyway...

So anyway, a little while later, Peep #1 spotted Rushy outside, nosin' around those stupid ol' lettuce plants.  Up like a flash she was, headin' out to save her precious little stupidy dupidy plants.

Again, I have no idea why she was even botherin'.  I mean, IT'S NOT LIKE they were important.  It's not like they were nip, or somethin' wonderful like that.

What am I sayin'?  NOTHIN' is wonderful like nip.

MOUSES!

But before the peep could even get to Rushy, Andy was right there.  Like he had lurkin' about in hiding, somewhere.

Yeah, that's right.  Andy.  Andy, the very same cat who half an hour earlier, had been nosin' around those very same plants.

MOUSES!

"Take that!" Andy cried.  "TAKE THAT!"  And he swung at Rushy with his right, then his left - missin' the target, BOTH times - but nevertheless...

Then Rushy was down on his side, gettin' ready to bunnykick his long-haired freak of a brother.

Which, of course, made Andy think he had won.

But just at that moment, the peep arrived on the scene.  She scooped Rushy up into her arms and scolded Andy for bein' so mean.

"But I was...  But...  BUT..."

"He said BUTT!" I laughed from inside.  "THE LONG-HAIRED MARMIE BUTT-HEAD SAID BUTT!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"ENOUGH!" the peep cried.  "Andy, don't be so mean to your brother.  Rushy, you come inside.  AND SEVILLE...."

"What?  What did I do?" I asked, truly perplexed.

The peep scowled.

"WHAT?"

And the peep scowled even more.

"You keep scowlin' like that, Peepers, and that face is gonna stick," I warned.  "And if you don't believe me, have you SEEN the guy at the end of the street?  Yeah, I know.  Not a pretty sight.  Not pretty at all.  That thing on his face?  That's a Permascowl.  It's just like permafreeze.  Or frost.  You know...  Whatever.  Anyway, thing is, he scowled one time too many, and it stuck.  MOUSES!"

Then the peep's scowl turned into a questioning look as she asked, "What are you talking about, Seville?"

"Stuff."

"But lookie here," I continued, "that brother of mine - ANDY - is thinkin' he's the enforcer, in this here house.  He's thinkin' that HE'S the one layin' down the law.  That HE'S the one who should be punishin' Rushy for doin' the same thing you had scolded him for doin', just moments before.  And that, dear peep, must come to a stop.  MOUSES!"

The peep's face went blank.

"Yeah, that blank stare is a good one for you.  You won't get wrinkles like that, UNLIKE when you scowl.  But anyway, the thing is, I need you to explain to Andy how I'M the enforcer in this here house."

No response from the peep.

"Did you hear what I said, Peepers?  DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?"

Again, no response.

And just at that moment - that VERY moment, my friends - my sister, Mason, arrived on the scene.  "Someone call for The Enforcer?" she asked.  "I.  AM.  HERE."

MOUSES!

50 comments:

  1. dood....we dunno...what with all thiz en force mint... may bee just thiz onze....just thiz onze......ewe could all bond two gether N get rid oh de lettuce... coz it seemz like itz tryin ta win de... catz verzuz lettuce = peepz war.... ya noe ! ☺♥♥

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    1. Hmmm... We could probably pee on it. MOUSES!

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  2. Now if only them family of yours could guard the nip as well as they do salad! Still maybe you could hire them out in your neighbourhood to folks salad crops and get paid in nip? Keep them long haired dudes out of your short hair, for sure....
    Toodle pips and purrs
    Erin

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  3. I never heard of a lettuce enforcer but I knew you could handle the task!

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    1. I'm thinkin' Mason might be willin' to enforce pretty much anythin'. She's bossy like that. MOUSES!

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  4. Hari OM
    Crikey Seville, you've got yer work cut out keeping that whole paddock in order! One more time with gusto... YOU ARE THE ENFORCER!!! Hugs and whiskeries, YAM-aunty xxx

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    1. Well I sure am supposed to be. Now how to convince the others... MOUSES!

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  5. Maybe you have a family of enforcers, Sivvers! Is that maybe possible???

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    1. As long as I'm the CHIEF enforcer, I could be okay with that. Maybe. Kinda. Perhaps. MOUSES!

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  6. Lettuce and not nip? What da meow?

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    1. She's a peep. She's stupid like that. MOUSES!

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  7. All that drama for lettuce- mouses!

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  8. There is only one "godfather" and we know who that really is!

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  9. Perma-scowl, hahaha. That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Seville, let your siblings be lettuce enforcers, at least they're not near your nip.

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    1. If you think THAT'S funny, you should see that guy's face. MOUSES!

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  10. Sounds like you have competition to be The Enforcer! You're going to need to put your paw down and enforce your Enforcer role.

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    1. I'm gonna need to put ALL FOUR OF MY PAWS down, for sure. MOUSES!

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  11. I think you are obsessed with mouses. You are the enforcer too. 🐱

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    1. I do like my mice. I like nip even better! PURRS.

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  12. Sounds like you definitely have a lot work ahead of you to keep everyone in line!
    xoxo,
    Arty, Jakey & Rosy

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  13. Hi Guys! I am SOOOOOoooOooOoo glad that I have finally got a chance to stop and comment. I must say, reading your posts while Mommy has been so furry busy has made Mom laugh out load! She says they are the BEST thing to make a long tiring day perk up! I thank you!
    Purrs
    Marv (and Barb)

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    1. Awww... AWWW... Marv, your comment has MADE MY HEART SMILE OUT LOUD. Thank you. PURRS.

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  14. OMC someone has a dream huh...MOL :D Nipped Pawkisses for a happy weekend :) <3

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    1. Well those two freaky brothers of mine can KEEP ON DREAMIN', you know? purrs

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  15. Things not going so well in your household just now Seville? You need to get a grip...
    Toodle pip!
    Bertie.

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    1. Get a grip? Hmmm... YOU'RE RIGHT! I need to get a grip on my nip. MOUSES!

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  16. Looks like a lot of competition for the position of TOP CAT around there....time to make it CLEAR Seville that YOU are running the show there - NOBODY ELSE!

    Hugs, Teddy

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    1. It sure is. Time, that is. Time for me to let those fur-sibs of mine know who's boss.

      PS. That would be me.

      MOUSES!

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  17. Someone call for the enforcer?? That sounds just like my Amarula!

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    Replies
    1. Amarula and Mason should get together sometime. MOUSES!

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  18. Who wants to be a lettuce enforcer??? It's rabbit food!!

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    Replies
    1. I know! Lettuce shmettuce. Only thing it's good for is baitin' slugs away from my nip. MOUSEs!

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  19. Hahahaha. I was JUST going to comment that Mason's the enforcer in your house - but she beat me to it!
    ps - I have a bit of a weakness for Mason. I'm not sure why, but some might consider me slightly obsessed :)

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    1. Obsessed with Mason? Really? With MASON? REALLY? And not me?

      Awww...

      MOUSES!

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  20. So glad you set the peep straight about the blank stare thing being good wrinkle prevention. My peep could use that advice as well!

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  21. I'M the enforcer in this house, but Lexy thinks it's her. Sometimes I just let her think she's enforcing all the rules cause it makes her feel good. On the other paw, we set Mommy straight when she thinks SHE'S the enforcer. Imagine a human being the enforcer!

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  22. Ah, the eternal battle for power! We experience this in The Tribe of Five but we've found out that if everyone gets a title, then everyone is happy. For instance, I am the Chief Snoopervisor and Oliver is my Assistant Snoopervisor. Tucker is the Alpha and his sister Jasmine is Queen of All She Survrys. And Lily is the Resident Diva. Works well for us!
    Purrs & Head Bonks,
    Alberto, Chief Snoopervisor of The Tribe of Five

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  23. LOL I am feeling lately that your posts are becoming the highlight of my blog week, Enforcer ROFL and yes what do they have with the lettuce ? You have a handful and I am loving it

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  24. Well, I want to know just what was so darn intriguing about the lettuce plants anyway? Nip, yeah I could understand a cat needing to investigate that, but lettuce? Stupid plants is right.

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  25. this is so funny! the enforcer. what is the deal with the lettuce??? ~ Dear Mishu

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  26. MOL I had to laugh Go Mason go!!! I am worried they like lettuce though, I mean, lettuce fo0r cats (it the peep part of a secret catnittpace breeding programme??)

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  27. Lots of interest in the lettuce. Who would have thought it would need to be guarded!

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  28. I'm just glad that Andy and Rushy stayed away from the nip! I don't suppose you told Mason that you are the enforcer, instead of her, did you?

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  29. MOL! We think the sister is probably the enforcer,

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  30. Wow. Peeps is really serious about protecting that lettuce! Sounds like just as serious YOU would be if it was you protecting NIP Seville. Sounds like there's more than one enforcer in your house. LOL

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  31. It's always the girls... I had a happy house of boys. They had an order that everyone understood, even if Shadow the Evil challenged all the rules fairly regularly. Then I brought home Katie Baby. SHE's the enforcer! Things have never been the same since. I'll bet on Mason ;)

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.