Let's talk, my friends. Let's talk.
Let. Us. Talk.
Let's talk about balls.
Okay, as many of you already know, there are various kinds of balls which are of interest to us cats. Many, many, many kinds of balls, for sure.
For instance, take your nip balls. Those would be knitted or sewn balls, filled with some kinda stuffin', and, OF COURSE, nip. Believe it or not, nip balls are my second least favourite kind of ball.
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', Seville the Cat doesn't like balls containin' the nip? What's the world comin' to? Is it comin' to an end?
Actually, accordin' to some peeps on the Internet, the world was supposed to come to an end on April 23rd of this year. On April 24th, the date was postponed. The 28th was tossed about as an acceptable date, for a bit. Until April 29th, that is. Last I heard, it's now set for the 24th of June.
But back to those balls. See, in theory, nip balls are a great idea, but in reality, it's a very different matter. The problem with nip balls is, whenever Peep #1 has made 'em for me, they've never turned out right. Somethin' goes wrong in the stuffin', and they never really look like balls, at all.
FYI, a ball has to be round in order to roll. Peep #1's nip balls aren't very round. They're not even close. They look more more like pot-marked asteroids with bits stickin' out all over the place, not to mention a few corners.
Now my LEAST favourite balls are treat balls. Not 'cause they contain treats, OBVIOUSLY. Not even 'cause peeps might put THE WRONG KIND of treats in 'em. My problem with treat balls is that I, Seville the Cat, SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WORK FOR MY TREATS.
Then we have our yarn balls. Now these are one of my favourite kind of balls, for sure. Yarn balls are tightly rolled up balls of yarn - makes sense - with embroidery stuff on the outside to hold 'em together. I really do LOVE a good yarn ball, my friends. First of all, yarn balls, generally speakin', roll. That's on account of their bein', you know, round. And THAT'S on account of their not bein' made by my peep.
Yeah, Peep #1 has to outsource the makin' of the yarn balls. For some reason, she appears to be incapable of making 'em herself. If she did, they probably wouldn't be round. They probably wouldn't roll, either. They'd probably...
They'd probably look like a mess.
Kinda like those pot-marked asteroids with square corners, I mentioned before.
But back to the balls. YARN balls, my friends, are SPECTACULAR balls, for sure. You can catch onto 'em with a claw, and TOSS 'em in the air. Then, when they land, you can run after 'em as they roll...
Yeah, ROLL. Roll as in ROLL. THIS is why it's important that they be round, as only round balls will roll. Believe me, I know.
But back to those balls... AGAIN. As I said before, I sure do love a good yarn ball, my friends. SUCH FUN! Best. Fun. In the World.
And speakin' of the WORLD...
The world - AKA Earth - is round. Yup, round just like a ball. Sorta. Kinda. If you let the oceans "round" things out a bit. Round things out. ROUND things out... See what I did there? Hehehehehe,,,
But seriously, my friends, the world is way more like a round ball, than a piece of paper, or anythin' flat like that. Apparently, some peeps are still unawares.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah, yarn balls. They really are the best, my friends. They REALLY. ARE. THE BEST. Only thing wrong with 'em, that I can think of, is they don't contain any nip. But sometimes, Peep #1 stores 'em in a box for us along with some catnip, scenting 'em all up. Mmmm... BLISS.
Now there are also plastic balls, my friends. Plastic balls have both their pros and their cons. The biggest con is, a kitty can't rightly sink his teeth into 'em without hurtin' said teeth. The biggest pro is, they make THE BEST nighttime toy. Give a plastic ball a good whack durin' the middle of the night, and the next day, you're bound to have peeps takin' a new found interest in your nightly activities, askin' if you had fun playin' while they were asleep, and stuff. This is fact. BELIEVE me, I know.
Now unlike plastic balls, which are hard to bite into, there are foam balls which are all soft and squishy. Problem with foam balls is, after you chomp down on 'em a few times, there's not much foam left to chomp into.
Then there are meatballs. Now meatballs aren't for playin', I AM TOLD. Don't know why, after all, they are round. Round like any good ball should be. A good whack would have 'em off the plate and rollin' right across the kitchen floor, lickety-split.
But OH NO, the peeps don't allow THAT.
At OUR house, meatballs are for eatin', not for playin', but we cats don't even get to do that. At OUR house, meatballs don't contain any meat. They're made with gross veggie stuff. You know, on account of my peeps bein' veggies and all.
That's right, my peeps are veggies.
Veggies... Vegetarians... Vegetables... Whatever.
Take that however you like.
But now, my friends, it's time for the most serious part of our talk. Our talk about balls. The most serious part, of all.
Fact is, spring is upon us, and with spring, comes kitten season. Puppy season, too, I suppose.
And like every year, every spring, thousands upon thousands of kitties and puppies will end up in shelters. Most will never be adopted, for there are simply not enough forever homes to go around.
So if you love your kitties and doggies...
SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS.
And I repeat...
SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS.
And that's my talk about balls.