"No Peepers, NO! Don't do it. Please... PLEASE... NOOOO!!!"
I stood by the livin' room door, watchin' the peep. My eyes burned with salty tears. With one paw, I wiped them dry. Bowin' my head, I said a silent prayer. The least I could do was give it a proper sendoff.
No, the least I could do was find the guilty culprit. MOUSES!
I looked around the room, peerin' at each of my fur-sibs. One by one, I stared intently into their eyes. Not eliciting a response, I stared at them all again. Narrowin' my eyes and settin' my jaw, I demanded, "Okay then, who did it?" I crossed my paws over my chest. "Who did the dirty deed?"
My question was met with silence.
Andy looked at me blankly. His usual look, I'm afraid. Rushton gushed all innocence, but I knew better than to be fooled by those looks of his. Nevertheless, he wasn't volunteering any information. Mason rolled her eyes, indicating she was sure no one would confess, least of all Rushy. Under her breath, Tess growled. Typical. Tess has been known to growl at the wind. Seriously, my friends, she has. And prompted by Tess' growling, Tobias began to wash behind an ear. Suspicious behaviour had it been any other cat, but the likelihood of Toby being guilty in this particular case, was almost nil. Almost, but not enough for me to eliminate her from my list of suspects.
And speakin' of suspects, I had five. Unfortunately, not one of 'em was willin' to confess. MOUSES!
"Do I have to ask again?" I said in a louder voice. "Who did it? WHO PEED ON THAT NIP HEART? MOUSES!"
At that very moment, Dionysus - the timeshare cat - entered the livin' room. Lookin' about, he wandered toward the pile of nip hearts lying in the corner by the big green chair.
I gazed off into the distance, allowing my mind to wander. I raised one eyebrow. "A sixth suspect," I muttered to myself. "Hmmm...."
Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was now stretched out, lyin' among the nip hearts.
Tess growled again, but no one paid any attention.
Standin' on all fours, I walked over to Dionysus. I looked down at him, his eyes glazed over from bein' high on the nip. "Did you do it?" I questioned. "Are you the guilty culprit? Did YOU pee on that nip heart? DID YOU?"
I heard Mason harrumph from behind. "He's not going to admit anything Seville. Just look at him lying there, drunk on the nip."
"Lookie here Dionysus, you timeshare cat, you," I said, proddin' him with a paw. "You may live here part time and yes, I admit, some of those nip hearts are yours, but that doesn't mean you can waltz into this here livin' room, and go around peein' on..."
Before I could even finish tellin' Dionysus off, he rolled over and fell asleep. MOUSES!
"We're just lucky it was Peep #1 who found the peed-upon nip heart, and not one of us cats," Mason began. "I can't imagine anything worse than lying down next to your favourite nip toy and placing your cheek up against it, only to find it sodden with pee. Yuk!"
"Especially when it was someone else who, you know... peed." I added.
Dionysus was still sleepin', and Tess was still growlin', when Peep #1 returned, a foul look upon her face. Standin' there, she looked down at us cats, scowlin'.
"Did you bury the nip heart?" I asked, a tremor in my voice.
"It's in the garbage," the peep answered, "where it will stay. And if I find any more peed-upon nip hearts, they'll be tossed out, too."
Then, one by one, we cats were removed from the livin' room. After the last cat was unceremoniously dumped in the front hallway - for the third time - Peep #1 closed both doors behind us.
I stared longingly into the livin' room through the glass doors. "No Peepers, NO! Please... PLEASE... NOOOO!!!"
But the peep, bein' a peep, laughed a truly heartless, cruel, and evil laugh.
Seriously, my friends. Cruella Deville would look like an umbrella-toting nanny, singing songs of her favourite raindrops and roses, in comparison.
Okay, so she didn't exactly laugh. It was more of a cry of frustration, really. A cry of frustration on account of her noticin' that Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was still sleepin' soundly among the remainin' nip hearts, and the knowledge that when she opened up those glass doors to go get him, one of us other cats was probably gonna dart past her feet and back into the livin' room, AGAIN. MOUSES!
Oh, this was good. I was reading with bated breath. I'm still left wondering who on earth peed on the catnip hearts??ReplyDelete
Word on the street is that the Weasel Syndicate bookies are sayin' Dionysus. MOUSES!Delete
oh my cat! Dionysus Timeshare Cat is the dude who did the crude?? *covering my ears* I cannot listen to the punishment...on second paw...tell me more SevilleReplyDelete
I think so although truth be told, I haven't put it past a peep. MOUSES!Delete
Dang, a pee heart just doesn't sound like a whole lotta fun at all.ReplyDelete
Nope, it sure isn't. MOUSES!Delete
OMC that's awful!!!!!ReplyDelete
The Florida Furkids
TELL me about it. MOUSES!Delete
*All of the above*ReplyDelete
Oh my mouses! You think all six of 'em peed? MOUSES!Delete
Nope, no kitteh wants a toy that's been befouled and besmirched.ReplyDelete
Yeah, slobber is bad enough. MOUSES!Delete
Peein on nip toys??? Dat's just wrong!ReplyDelete
There oughtta be a law against it or somethin'. MOUSES!Delete
Amen ! Who peed! Gotta know. It wasn't Time Share cat. Tell ya right now.ReplyDelete
Do you think it might have been the peep? purrsDelete
I'm positive it must be the timeshare cat that's the guilty culprit.ReplyDelete
I heard the UK bookies are in agreement. MOUSES!Delete
Oh no! I bet another cat wandered in from off the street ( not time share cat) and committed this horrible act.ReplyDelete
Hmmm... I wonder 'bout Nosy-Neighbour-Cat. MOUSES!Delete
Oooh my cat this is hysterical!! Who done it??ReplyDelete
This is shocking!!!
Shockin' to say the least! MOUSES!Delete
Dionysus the Timeshare Cat has a suspicious name . . . but I know my mysteries. Like the Murder of Roger Ackroyd . . . where the guilty party turned out to be (dah dum!) The *NARRATOR*! Heh, heh.ReplyDelete
The narrator? Hmmm... WAIT A MINUTE... BUT THAT WOULD BE ME!!! MOUSES!Delete
Oh no! This is just terrible, Sivvers! Who would pee on a nip heart???ReplyDelete
I know! Can you believe any kitty would do such a thing? MOUSES!Delete
Hmm, with my investigating head, I think you should get peep #1 to take a pee sample then send to the lab for analysis and the culprit will be yours!.... OK so if you don't have a lab a poodle will probably do!ReplyDelete
I think there might be at least one poodle livin' in the subdivision. Let me see... MOUSES!Delete
Will a Labradoodle do?Delete
Seville dude, that's a heinous crime of epic proportions, pee on the nip, seriously mew'll have to get them hearts under lock and key and check them in and out like library books, it's the only way dude!!!ReplyDelete
Basil & Co xox
Oohhh... I like that! Yup, I like that idea a lot. We cats can all have library cards and everythin'. MOUSES!Delete
OMC! A peed upon nip heart is not good, not good at all. I hope you find the culprit.ReplyDelete
Me too. Can't afford to lose any more of our nip hearts. MOUSES!Delete
Strength in numbers, right, Seville? I envy you that you have lots of sisfurs and brofurs to blame when things go wrong. Of course, you also have to share - which sounds horrible to me ... especially when you have a culprit peeing all over and destroying one's toys! ~Bear CatReplyDelete
Yeah, sharin' with nip-heart-peein' fur-sibs is no fun at all. MOUSES!Delete
But these days, can't you just blame The Boy? purrsDelete
Oh no....who did that?ReplyDelete
The Florida Furkids
Odds are 2 to 1 that is was Dionysus. 5 to 1 that is was the peep! MOUSES!Delete
Good thing there are so many of you...pretty hard to pin it on any kitty. Of course, it's rotten that you lost a nip heart.ReplyDelete
It sure is. That was one of my FAVOURITE nip hearts. Of course, they're all my favourites. I love 'em all. purrsDelete
Peeing ummmmmmm might need to call the nip cops and do some forensic science figure out the DNA ~ NephiReplyDelete
Callin' the RCMP as we speak. MOUSES!Delete
Hello there! Congratulations on being selected as a BlogPaws Nose-to-Nose finalist! Woohoo and lots of confetti celebrations for you! I wish you many, many blogging successes! Congrats, and I'll enjoy checking out your posts!ReplyDelete
Thank you! And many congratulations to you, too, on YOUR bein' a finalist in the Nose-to-Nose Awards, too. purrsDelete
Will you ever get to the bottom of who peed on the nip heart? What with the peep throwing away the evidence and all...?ReplyDelete
I have it narrowed down to two suspects. Either Dionysus - the timeshare cat, or the peep. MOUSES!Delete
Sometimes, growling at the wind is appropriate, Pal.ReplyDelete
True. Absolutely true. purrsDelete