Be quiet, you two. MOUSES!
You know, a kitty makes a little noise at two o'clock in the mornin', and a kitty never hears the end of it. But a peep makes a LOT of noise at eleven o'clock in the mornin', which is PRIME nappin' time, thank you very much, and thinks the kitties are bein' demandin' when they're asked to hush up.
Hush up... Hush Puppies... Hmmm...
Never mind, I've got nothin' for that. At least not right now. Perhaps I'll come back to it later. MOUSES!
But I would have somethin' to say 'bout that, if peeps had allowed me to enjoy my late morning - not to be confused with my early morning - nap in peace.
A kitty can't think straight when not allowed to get in both their morning naps. MOUSES!
You know, we kitties need our sleep. It's how we maintain our beauty, you see.
Well technically, that's not entirely true. I mean, we kitties do need our sleep, but not to maintain our beauty. We're NATURALLY beautiful, whether we get all twenty hours shut-eye in or not. Peeps, on the other paw, require copious amounts of beauty sleep, and even then, more often than not, they don't get enough. Not nearly enough to be as beautiful as cats. MOUSES!
But like I was sayin', I was tryin' to get in my late mornin' nap, when Peep #1 decided to make a whole whack of noise. And Peep #2 joined Peep #1 and together, they made even more.
Apparently, they were havin' a conversation.
But did they have to have their conversation in the very same room where I was tryin' to have my nap?
No way, no how, could any stupid conversation between peeps possibly be as important as my late mornin' nap. MOUSES!
Has no one ever told 'em to let sleepin' cats lie? MOUSES!
Actually, that might have a different meanin' than what I mean for it to mean.
But anyway, I would have covered my ears with my paws, to keep out their incessant chatter, had my paws not already been busy coverin' my eyes, as SOMEONE had turned on the light. Plus, you know, it was already daytime.
And although any conversation durin' my late-mornin' nap would have been bad, this one was particularly loud, and therefore badder than most.
Is badder even a word? Hmmm....
Well word or not, it sounds like it means what I mean it to mean, so I'm usin' it right here and right now, for sure. MOUSES!
So with my paws coverin' my eyes, I let out a loud meow. "QUIET, YOU TWO!" I said. Yelled. Whatever.
Well that did it. Next thing I know, Peep #1 is bringin' up the two o'clock in the mornin' hijinks one of my fursibs and I had.
Like it's MY fault a peep can't sleep through a two in the mornin' hallway relay race, followed by a good ol' session of smacky paws. MOUSES!
And speakin' of sleepin' through stuff, why just the other day, I heard the peeps complaining 'bout how they couldn't find a decent alarm clock.
Uh, HELLO? Excuse me, but... How many times have we cats awakened you peeps, BETTER than any alarm clock ever could, and got NOTHIN' for our troubles but complaints. MOUSES!
Why just this mornin', around two o'clock or so...
Of course, cats don't necessarily awaken anyone at the time they want to be awakened, but that's neither here nor there, as it's far too trivial a matter to occupy the mind of a cat. MOUSES!
But let me tell you somethin'. When it comes to nappin', Anderson can nap with the best of 'em, for sure.
Whether it's early mornin'; late mornin'; early, mid or late afternoon; when Andy decides it's time for one of his naps, Andy takes it. Peeps can be standin' right there beside him and Andy snoozes right on through. Even when they say his name. When they say it loudly, too!
Of course, open a bag of treats and Andy wakes with a start, dashes through the house, and arrives in the kitchen with his mouth wide open.
Nope, a peep can't open a bag of treats within a fifty-foot radius of Andy, without Andy hearin' said act, for sure.
A bag of treats is like Anderson's personal beeper, you see. MOUSES!
Good thing, too, on account of Andy not wearin' clothes, and therefore not havin' any pockets in which to carry any other kind of beeper. MOUSES!
But back to those hush puppies I mentioned earlier.
Now if you tell a puppy to hush, will it? Or is it like with peeps. Like with peeps havin' conversations durin' your late-mornin' nap, where you have to yell, "QUIET, YOU TWO!"
What's that, Peepers? Hushpuppies are some kind of deep-fried food? And a brand of shoes?
Say that again, Peepers. YOU SAY PEOPLE ARE DEEP-FRYIN' AND EATIN' THEIR SHOES?
Bet those are tougher than the toughest of beef jerkies, for sure. MOUSES!
Peepers, that's the craziest thing I have ever, EVER heard. Crazier than squirrels makin' nut pies kind of crazy, for sure. Peeps eatin' shoes and wearin' deep-fried food on their feet. Haha! MOUSES!
Hmmm... I wonder if Peep #1's lack of beauty sleep, due to my two o'clock in the mornin' relay race down the hallway and later smacky paw session, is causin' her to hallucinate. Could be. I know it's 'causin' her to be less than beautiful this mornin', for sure. MOUSES!