What about Bob? What about Andy?
No, better yet, what about that nosey neighbourin' cat from across the street? You know the one. The one we call, Nosey-Neighbour-Cat, or NNC. MOUSES!
Kitten steps, Sivvers. Kitten steps. MOUSES!
So I was paddin' my way downstairs the other mornin', and what did I hear? I heard, from in the kitchen, Peep #1 sayin' hello to someone other than me.
I stopped in my tracks. Exactly to whom was she sayin' hello? I knew for a fact that Rushton and Tess had gone outside through the upstairs bathroom window, a little while earlier, so it couldn't be either of them. And I had spotted Tobias out on the back deck washin' a paw, moments before, so it couldn't be her, either. Mason or Anderson? Not likely. Those two head out the front door, like clockwork every mornin', rain or shine, so I knew they would both be outside by now, just as I knew the sun had risen. It couldn't be them, either. And it certainly wasn't me. I knew that, for sure, on account of my still bein' on the staircase and not yet in the kitchen, where the peep was talkin'.
So who? WHO?
Peep #1 tends to use a different voice when speakin' to us cats than when speakin' to other peeps, so it wasn't likely a peep to whom she was sayin' hello. Nope, couldn't be a peep at all.
Again I thought, who?
If the first peep wasn't greetin' one of us cats, and she wasn't greetin' a peep, was she greetin' a weasel? Nah, the peep knew better than that.
I closed my eyes and went through the list of possibilities, checking 'em off, one by one. A mouse? Nope. A rat? Nah. A bird? Not likely. A rocky raccoon? Never! A leprechaun? Wrong season. An imp? An imp... Hmmm... No, I didn't think there were any of those about in these here parts. A squirrel? Now that was just crazy. An alien... AN ALIEN! Now this, I had to see.
So I tore down the rest of the steps and skidded to a stop as I entered the kitchen and there, before my very eyes, eatin' from one of my dishes was... Nosey-Neighbour-Cat. MOUSES!
And if you can believe it, the peep was havin' a conversation with him. MOUSES!
Of course, it was a somewhat one-sided conversation as NNC was busy chowin' down, but nevertheless...
I sat there, starin' at Nosey-Neighbour-Cat.
And Nosey-Neighbour-Cat sat there, starin' at the plate of food he was eatin'.
"Don't your own peeps feed you?" I cried.
"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled between bites. "But I enjoy dining out better than eating at home."
I glanced over at the peep who was still nattering on about something stupid. Stupid as in not about me.
Of course, it really was about me, as it was about NNC, and NNC was eatin' my food from my plate in my kitchen while listening to my peep.
So I fizzed. Then I hissed. Then I...
Well that's about when the peep came over and scooped me up into her arms. But I could still see that ol' nosey cat who happens to be a neighbour, so once more, I fizzed.
Then the peep turned around so that I couldn't see Nosey-Neighbour-Cat anymore. I stopped fizzin' and hissin' but there was no way - NO HOW - that I was gonna do anythin' like purr.
Well at least not for a good thirty seconds!
Okay, so then I purred. But it was a VERY SUBDUED purr, for sure.
And I was still mad. And I was still angry. I was absolutely FURIOUS with the peep. Imagine her chattin' away with the enemy like that, in my very own kitchen, while that enemy ate my food from my very own plate. IMAGINE!
Before I knew it, I'd find her cavorting with weasels! MOUSES!
For a brief moment, I was so consumed with anger and jealousy, I thought I might lash out with my claws.
Should I lash out at that intruder of a cat? Nope, from the peep's arms, I couldn't reach him. In fact, while up in Peep #1's arms, the only one I could reach was the peep. Should I lash out at her?
I had stopped purrin'. Like I said, it had been pretty subdued to start.
I began to growl. My paws were itchin' to strike out at anythin' or anyone close, no matter what the cost.
But behaviour like that can be highly self-destructive, at best. So bein' the extremely wise kitty that I am, I held back.
Then the peep walked with me in her arms, taking me out of the kitchen and into the family room. She sat down on the couch and placed me next to her, and gave me a comb.
The growlin' stopped. After all, who doesn't like bein' combed?
Then came the purrs. Soft at first, like before, but I couldn't help myself and soon my purrs were as loud as a lion's roar!
In fact, that Nosey-Neighbour-Cat must have mistaken my purrs for a roarin' lion 'cause the next thing I knew, Peep #1 was was sayin' goodbye to him as he hopped up onto the ledge by the kitchen window, and disappeared outside.
I jumped down from the chesterfield and raced to the window, yellin' out after him, "And good riddance! And don't you come back! You... You.... YOU..."
"Oohhh... Brekkies already, Peepers? How thoughtful. You're servin' my fave. Cheers, peeps," and with that, I started to eat.