Sometimes I wonder 'bout my peeps. MOUSES!
I know, I know... I've been tellin' you all how I've been wondering 'bout those peeps of mine, since before recorded history, but what can I say? They keep on givin' me reasons to wonder! Especially Peep #1. She's grounds for wonderment, for sure. MOUSES!
So the other night...
Now this was not the night I blogged about on Wednesday, when Peep #1 came out lookin' for me in her nightie, embarrassing me as no peep has ever embarrassed a cat before. Nor was it the night I mentioned, in that very same blog post, when the peep went out lookin' for Rushton in her nightie. No, this was another night. This was after that. This was Thursday, the day after I blogged 'bout those other two nights. MOUSES!
So anyway... I was outside, and it was dark, and I heard the peep callin' me, but decided I wasn't gonna pay any attention to her. I figured I'd wait until she gave up and went inside, and then show up at the door. Also, I wasn't sure if she was in her nightie again and I really, really didn't want a repeat performance of that. At least not so soon. A cat has a reputation to maintain, you see. MOUSES!
Well I ignored her and I ignored her, and then the next thing I knew, there she was, standin' practically in front of me, with that darned, moused-up flashlight of hers, flashin' the whole neighbourbood.
Yeah, yeah, I know... Different kind of flashing. But anyway...
So there she was, shinin' the flashlight around like she was signalling for the mother ship to come home and get her, when all of a sudden...
Now you remember 'bout how Peep #1 got scared by that spider when she was prickin' out the primroses, a little while ago? Well this was WAY worse that that.
So Peep #1 was flashin' her flashlight about, when all of a sudden, she saw it. There it was. There, right before her...
Oh my mouses, even I am havin' difficulty relating the incident. Yes, my friends, it was THAT scary.
Now that spider the peep saw before, the one in the primroses, was the biggest, baddest spider anyone had ever seen. As big as my longest claw, even if said claw had been recently trimmed.
Well that's what the peep was sayin' at the time. She was sayin' it was the biggest, baddest spider, EVER. But truth be told, she lied, 'cause let me tell you...
Let me tell you, the biggest, baddest spider there ever was, was not the spider in amongst the primroses. No sirree. The biggest, baddest spider there ever was, was the spider hangin' there, in the middle of a web, that stretched out between the ladybug hedge and the white lilac tree - which didn't bloom again this year but that is another story for another day - like it had taken over the entire yard. The spider's web, I mean, and not the lilac tree, although that ol' ladybug hedge is doin' it's best to take over, for sure.
But I digress. Back to the spider in its web.
There it was. There was the spider of all spiders. One of those black and yellow spiders, at least a quarter in size. Big body. L-O-N-G legs. As icky as icky can be. And it was there, right in front of the peep, just inches from her face.
Did the peep scream?
You'd think she would scream, wouldn't you? Yup, you'd think that, for sure. I know I was waiting for the scream and I covered my ears and everything but to my surprise, there was no screaming to be heard. Not because the peep was brave or anything like that. Peep #1 didn't scream because she was PETRIFIED. She just stood there, motionless, without movin' a muscle.
Okay, even I have to admit that was a bit redundant.
But my point is, the peep was peepless. She was frozen like a block of ice.
Now had she had a block of ice, she could have thrown it at that there spider, but as she had nothin' to throw but her stupid little flashlight, she regained her senses a tad, 'bout a minute later, and slowly backed away.
Having witnessed the event, I took pity upon my peep. Also, I noticed she was properly clad and not runnin' around the neighbourhood in nothin' but a nightie - THIS TIME - so I figured it was safe to come out, and scampered over to her, being very careful as to avoid that ol' spider's web.
Well the peep was a little shaky. So shaky she didn't even try to pick me up and believe you me, I was grateful for that. No need for any extra embarrassing situations.
'Bout an hour later, inside the house, the peep came to her senses completely. Or at least as best as can be expected. Unfortunately...
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of mentioning how had the peep walked just a few steps further down the path, she would have had that ol' spider, RIGHT IN HER FACE.
Well you'd have to be there to believe it, my friends. The words that came out of the peep's mouth. Never knew the peep had 'em in her. MOUSES!
Apparently, according to the peep, it was all MY fault, for being outside after dark. After listening to her little hissy fit, I pointed out how VERY FORTUNATE it was that she had been standing still, flashing the neighbourhood with her flashlight, STRAIGHT AHEAD, and not shining it on the ground. I told her how had she been shining the flashlight on the ground, and not into the garden, looking for me, she would have kept on walking and walked right into the web, and gotten that ol' spider, RIGHT IN HER FACE.
Well that did it.
Off on a tirade again, the likes of which I have never before heard. I wouldn't have been out there in the first place, had I not been looking for you. I wouldn't have had to look for you, had you come inside when it first started to get dark. I wouldn't even have been walking down that path, had you come when I first called.
You know, that sort of thing.
So once again I said, "But really, Peepers, aren't you the least bit grateful you were standing still, calling and looking for me, shining the flashlight straight ahead and into the spider's web? So that you saw the spider? Knew it was there? Knew to avoid it? I mean, you could have had that ol' spider, RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FACE."
Now I wasn't expectin' prezzies or anything - although prezzies would have been gladly accepted - but I think a sincere thank you would have been in order. But did I get one? Nope. Nothin'. Nadda. It was nadda-wadda-nincompoop, on the thank you front, for sure. MOUSES!
Well Friday morning, although I wasn't actually speaking to Peep #1 as she had been so rude to me the night before, I nevertheless went outside with her, lookin' for the spider, in the light of day.
Now here's where things get sticky...
No, not in a sticky spider web kind of way, although I would imagine a spider's web of that size would be very sticky, for sure.
But the thing is, when we went out looking for it, the spider was gone. Spider, web, everything... GONE. MOUSES!
Now there are three possibilities. The first is that, that ol' mother ship the peep appeared to be signalling with her stupid little flashlight, did actually land and not findin' the peep, took the spider and its web away. The second is that a big bird swooped down and ate it. Crows are big. There are crows about. But I always thought crows had better taste than that. And finally...
Well finally, option three is the option I don't wanna really think about. Could the spider have packed up its web and be hiding somewhere else, lurking about? Waiting for the peep or one of us cats to wander across its path and....
I don't even wanna think about that. I'd much rather have aliens landin' in the backyard, for sure.
So Friday afternoon, the peep went on a bit of a shopping spree. She now has the biggest, baddest flashlight I have ever, ever seen. That thing could illuminate the dark side of the moon, which would come in handy if you're lookin' for alien mother ships, hangin' around over there, for sure. MOUSES!
And I, Seville the Cat, have made note of the fact that from now on, if out after dark, I must be careful to not only watch out for nothin'-but-nightie-wearin' peeps with new and improved dark-side-of-the-moon-illuminating flashlights BUT ALSO, spiders. Not to mention aliens although truth be told, I'm always on the lookout for them. MOUSES!