And for future reference, asking is always the polite thing to do. That's why I always ask...
Hmmm... Never mind. MOUSES!
What is that, Peepers? Is that a hair? One of your hairs get lodged in the keyboard of my computer? You should be more careful with that hair of yours, you know. Especially when you're around my computer.
Not one of yours, huh? Hmmm... You could be right about that, Peepers. Kinda short for your hair. Kind of orangey coloured, too....
Now I know what you're thinking, Peepers, and what you're thinking is wrong. That hair is not mine. I know it's short like mine and I know its ginger coloured but still... Nope. No way. Not one of my hairs and that is for sure.
What's that? You say it's not alone? I should look where?
No way, no how, is all that hair mine. I mean, think about it. If all of those hairs were my hairs, I'd be bald by now but look at me. I don't have a single bald spot. Not one. Well except for my nose but I never did have any hairs on my nose. And my fur does run a little thin by my ears but it always did so that's not unusual at all. Nope, those hairs are most definitely not mine.
And you say you found all those hairs inside the computer, huh? All of 'em? All in there? Wherever were they hiding?
Oh, I see. They were tucked in between and underneath the keys, huh? That's why you needed the tweezers? And did I hear the 'cuum goin' on in here, too? You were torturing the computer with the vacuum? Seriously, Peepers, that's just mean.
You know, Peepers, I'm not the only marmalade cat in this here house. Anderson and Rushton are marmies, too. Maybe those there hairs are theirs. Those there hairs are... HAHAHA! Try sayin' that one, three times quickly. Those there hairs are theirs, those there hairs are theirs, those there hairs are theirs... Did it! But I digress.
Anyway, in case you hadn't noticed, those two marmie brothers of mine have a lot of hair. They could probably lose a whole small animal's worth of hair and you'd never even notice. Maybe even two small animal's worth of hair...
You say Anderson and Rushton weren't using the computer, huh? How do you know? Let's face it, Peepers, you don't know half the stuff that goes on in this here office. Why, just the other day...
Ummm... Never mind.
Anyway, the fact is, that there hair isn't mine.
And you're sure it's not yours? I know, I know... Little short to be yours. Little too orange to be yours. Or so you say. I know it says golden brown on the box but seriously, there might have been a little marmalade colouring...
OR MAYBE IT'S ACTUAL MARMALADE!
Yeah, you're probably right about that. Marmalade does tend to be sticky and not very hair-like in appearance at all. Hmmm....
Peepers, do you think a burglar with short, orange hair might have broken in here and started messing about with my computer, trying to figure out where I keep the money I'm saving up for nip futures and stuff? Now that could happen, for sure. I can totally see something like that happening. I mean, you hear 'bout stuff like that happening all the time. Don't you ever watch the news, Peepers? If you did, you'd know how that could have happened. I wouldn't even have to suggest it.
You don't think so, huh?
Well I guess it's gonna remain a mystery then. Yup, remain a mystery forever and for always. Guess we'll never know whose hairs those are. Nope, never ever. I mean, what are you gonna do, perform DNA tests or somethin'?
DNA tests, huh? Oh-oh.
Oops! Sorry 'bout that. How careless of me. Now just let me gather up all those short, orange hairs that look very much like what an orange-haired burglar might have and return 'em to the desk and...
OOPS! So sorry Peepers. I was aiming for the desk. Really and truly, I was. It was only by accident that I dropped 'em right there in front of the vacuum cleaner.
OOPS! So that's the button you press to turn the 'cuum on, huh? Who knew? Did you know that, Peepers? I know I certainly didn't.
Well I don't know what to tell you, Peepers. You'll just have to take my word for it that those hairs you found clogging up the computer weren't mine. Not that there was ever any question. Never any question, at all. I'm still thinking it was an orange-haired burglar who broke in, in the middle of the night and to be perfectly honest, I really don't think you're gonna be able to prove otherwise. MOUSES!