So the other day, Peep #1 walked into the family room to investigate a noise. It was a loud, rumbling noise and when I say loud, I mean loud. The peep was hearing the rumbling from way over in the other room!
She stood there. The peep, that is. Yup, stood there and looked around. Was the television on? No. Was the furnace making weird noises? No on that account, too. Was there an earthquake? Oh my mouses, no. "What is that noise?" she asked. "What IS that noise?"
"That loud, rumbling noise?" I asked the peep right back. "That so-loud-it's-almost-deafening noise?"
The peep nodded.
"That's Mason," I answered. "You know, Mason. My sister. She's gone pro."
Next came that look that only peeps can do. That look of questioning and bewilderment and total confusion that you just know is gonna take an hour or two to explain even if the answer is as simple as simple can be. Even if it's simpler than simple and should be oh-so-easy to see.
"Mason," I reiterated. "Mason, my sister. The cat has gone pro."
Peep #1 just stared at me like I was talking in a foreign language or something.
That's when Mason lifted her head and the loud, rumbling noise ceased momentarily. "That's right," she began, "like Seville said, I've gone pro. Sent my professional dues in the other day."
"Professional dues?" questioned the peep.
"Yeah, about that," continued Mason, "if you happen to notice a charge for something called the PPA on your credit card statement, just ignore it. It's a legitimate charge. Those are my dues."
"Dues? PPA? Charges?" the peep sputtered. "What the mouses is going on?"
Okay, the peep didn't use the word mouses. I edited that on account of this here being a family-friendly blog. MOUSES!
Mason and I both sighed in unison before exclaiming together, "MOUSES!" And yes, we cats did use the term, mouses.
Peep #1 sat down on the couch, looking a little pale in the face, I might add. Clearly, her state of confusion was getting to her. I sauntered over and lay down on her lap.
At that point, Mason got up from where she had been lying on the floor and she, too, walked over to the couch, before jumping up and rubbing the top of her head on the peep's chin. She then lifted her head, put her two front paws on the peep's shoulders and looked straight into Peep #1's eyes. "I've. Gone. Pro." she explained in a slow and deliberate voice. "Pro, as in professional. You know, pro - fe - sha - nal," she said as if speaking to a small child who happened to be hard of hearing as well as speaking an entirely different language. "Mouses, do I need to spell it out?"
Peep #1 looked at Mason, and then at me, and then back at my sister.
"Yup, you had best spell it out for her Mason," I told my sister. "She hasn't grasped the concept yet."
"I don't have time for this nonsense!" and Mason flung her paws up into the air before jumping down onto the floor and heading for her favourite spot in front of the television. "I have to practice," she said. "I'm in training. You explain, Sivvers. Maybe she'll understand if you explain the concept of professionalism to her," and with that, my sister Mason lay down on the floor and started up her purring engine once more.
I glanced up at the peep. "You've got to admit it, Peepers. The girl is good. She purrs like a pro, for sure. It's no wonder they accepted her into the PPA the first time she applied."
"The PPA?" Peep #1 whispered in a whisper so quiet, it was barely audible.
"You're gonna have to speak up!" I hollered at the peep. "I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER MASON'S PURRING!"
And with that, Peep #1 rose to her feet and slowly walked out of the family room and has not broached the subject, since. MOUSES!
So here's the deal. My sister Mason is a purrer extraordinaire. She purrs and she purrs and she purrs. She can even purr while eating! Good thing, too, 'cause the only thing she likes to do more than purr is eat, I'm afraid.
Oh, she does enjoy a good session with a wand toy or nip mouse, or a nip mouse attached to the end of a wand toy, as well. And you guessed it, my friends... The girl can purr while PLAYIN', too!
And not only does Mason purr with the best of 'em, she purrs with such volume, it can actually be quite unbelievable. If I had a purr-o-meter on paw, I'm quite positive her purrs would cause the little needle to flip right over to the red maximum volume section of said meter, for sure.
Once, I heard a jet fly overhead, and was just about to call the air force base to complain 'bout the noise, before I realized, it wasn't a jet I was hearing at all, but rather, Mason, purring. Sure am glad I didn't make that call. Would have been super embarrassing for me. Plus, I've been told not to bother the air force peeps any more. Something about my teleportation device flying over restricted airspace. It wasn't my fault. Honest. MOUSES!
So anyway, due to my sister's extraordinary purring abilities, I suggested she join the PPA - the Professional Purring Association - and she agreed. Questionnaires were filled out, references were sought, and once her dues were paid, she was in. I can now say, I have a sister who can not only purr like a professional, but is an professional, too.
But don't think she's resting on her laurels and stuff. First of all, she has no laurels upon which to rest. I'm thinking that's a plant of some sort and to be perfectly honest, the peep isn't growing any of that, yet.
But back to the resting. My sister is not resting at all. Rather, she's practicing every chance she can get. She purrs while watching television, while eating, and bathing, too. I do believe, she can even purr while sleeping. Or maybe that's really snoring. Not exactly sure of that one yet.
So far, no one has hired Mason to purr for them, but I'm thinking it's only a matter of time. As a member of the PPA, her name will be added to their registrar so now that the word is out, peeps will be wanting to hire the girl with the level 10 purr on the Richter - I mean, Purr - Scale, to be sure. After all, a cat's purr can help heal bones and reduce high blood pressure. It can even add years to your life! Yup, known fact. Living with a cat who purrs is good for your health. I read it on the Internet so surely it MUST be true.
So if you're reading this here blog post, and you'd like to hire Mason for purring, just give me a call. She charges regular hourly rates and accepts credit, cash and nip. And as her agent, I'll be taking a fifteen percent cut. MOUSES!
Update on 'The Big Dig.' If all goes as planned, it should begin, tomorrow. MOUSES!