Some things in life just aren't fair. MOUSES!
The other day, someone got into the peep's plants in the sunroom and by someone, I mean a someone with four paws. Yup, someone got right in there and knocked some stuff about.
Boy-oh-boy, the peep was annoyed. "Who? What? Why?" All those words were used although not necessarily in that order and not necessarily alone. Let's just say they were flavoured with a few mouses. MOUSES!
"Who in the mouses? What the mouses? Why in the mouses?" Stuff like that, you know? Like I said, there were a lot of mouses.
Luckily for me, I was in the clear... this time. That's right, I was exonerated, to be sure, but this brings me to the what in my life that is so very unfair.
The thing is, I have been told that apparently, when I get into mischief about the house, I have a tendency to leave behind evidence.
Now you might be thinking along the lines of paw prints and stuff like that and to be perfectly honest, at times, that might be correct. But unfortunately for me, sometimes, the peep doesn't have to get out her paw print identification gear and...
Not that the peep actually has paw print identification gear or anything high-tech like that. Woman doesn't even have a magnifying glass or working flashlight that I know of. You see, when it comes to really important investigative work around the house, that kind of stuff is usually left up to me. MOUSES!
Anyway, as I was saying, when the mischief occurred, the peep started sniffing about.
Not that the peep has a good sniffer like a crime-sniffing dog's sniffer or anything like that. Oh sure, she has a nose. It's sitting right there in the middle of her face. Yeah, she has a nose all right but seriously, it's not up to snuff when it comes to sniffing out clues. Not like mine, which by the way, is not a dog's sniffer at all but rather, a cat's, which is just as good if not better than a dog's, although you have to admit, it is a whole lot cuter.
Perhaps I should mention that we cats aren't as likely as dogs to volunteer for sniffing out crime but it's not because we can't. It's just because we don't wanna. MOUSES!
And to be perfectly honest, we cats are more likely to be perpetrating than solving the crimes, if you know what I mean.
And you know what they say. They say, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
Wait a minute. Maybe that's not the best of sayings to be using for this particular blog post. MOUSES!
Not that I was doing any crime... THIS TIME. MOUSES!
Anyway, as I was saying...
What was I saying?
Oh yeah, some plants were knocked about in the sunroom and the peep went straight into investigative mode, such as she can, which isn't all that great but she tried her best anyway.
Well it turned out to be Rushy. Yup, Rushy did the crime although Rushy did not have to do any time on account of the peep forgiving him and stuff. MOUSES!
Now you might be thinking that this is what is unfair when it comes to my life. That my brother Rushton got caught red-pawed, or rather ginger-pawed as he's a marmalade cat, and got away with it. And that is kind of unfair although I'm sure Rushy would disagree. But that's not it. What is really unfair is this. Rushy got caught because he left a clump of ginger-coloured fur on one of the sticks sticking out, holding up one of the plants he had been knocking about.
No, scratch that. What is REALLY unfair is that although - this time - Rushy left a clump of ginger-coloured fur as evidence, usually, he does not. Usually he gets away with his crimes, scot free. MOUSES!
Nah, scratch that, too. What is REALLY AND TRULY unfair is that when I do the crime, I do have to do the time because I, Seville the Cat, never get away scot free. That's on account of the evidence I tend to leave behind.
The thing is, I shed. That's right, I shed you not! I, Seville the Cat, am a shedder.
Can't help myself, really. Everywhere I go, I leave behind what we investigative cats call, trace evidence. Yup, traces of evidence that look suspiciously like ginger-coloured fur. MOUSES!
Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if Rushy is ginger-coloured and I'm ginger-coloured, how can the peep tell the ginger-coloured trace evidence fur is mine? Well the thing is, my ginger fur is short and Rushy's is long and that, my friends, is apparently all it takes.
What's more, although Rushy did leave behind a clump of his fur the other day, that was quite unusual for my brother to do. Typically, the boy never sheds! Same thing with Anderson, too. Those long-haired marmies may get their fur tangled up at times, even getting it into mats and stuff, but they almost never, ever shed! MOUSES!
I, on the other paw, shed like it's going out of style. I can't brush up against a wall or a piece of furniture or a plant or a peep without shedding and leaving my lovely ginger fur behind. My gosh, I breath and I shed. This is why, my friends, the peep always knows where I have been. MOUSES!
Now this is what is so terribly unfair. Under normal circumstances, those two long-haired marmie boys can get up to all sorts of hijinks and mischief without ever being caught but I do one little thing that I shouldn't be doing and all mouses break out.
Seriously, I've seen mouses breaking out of their houses and everything.
Of course I mean mice but mice doesn't rhyme with houses so I'm taking some artistic licence and hoping none of you mind.
Anyway, like I was saying... I CAN'T GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING! I can't but those two long-haired marmies sure can and that, my friends, is what is so unfair.
Mason has suggested I shave off my fur so as not to leave trace evidence behind but seriously, I am not into that look and besides, it's winter and this is Canada and...
What am I saying? I don't care what time of year it is or about the weather, shaving my fur is simply not on the agenda.
Bottom line is, I can't help myself and I shed and therefore, get caught doing hijinks and mischief and stuff but those two brothers of mine? They can get away with anything. It's simply not fair. Unfair as unfair can be. It's... It's... It's MOUSES! it is. Mouses to a tee.