Are you tired of a sedentary lifestyle? Are household chores not giving you enough daily activity? Do you constantly feel tired and lacking of energy? Have no get up and go? No vim? No vigour? Feel kind of bleh?
Are you experiencing the need to get more exercise? Do you feel the desire to get out in the fresh air more often? A desire to lead a more active life?
Have you ever said to yourself, "If only I had a reason to go for a daily walk. If only I could make myself go outside every day, no matter what. If only someone would force me to get out there for the good of my health."
If this describes you, you're in luck. You can now take a hike, courtesy of Canada Post, on a daily basis. That's right, TAKE A HIKE. MOUSES!
Just picture it. A bitterly cold January day after a heavy snowfall. The wind is blowing and conditions are almost blizzard-like. Previously, you might have decided to skip your daily exercise routine. Skip that daily walk. Weather out there is just too darn frightful. Who would willingly go outside in that?
But now, thanks to Canada Post's decision to cancel urban door-to-door mail delivery, you have to go outside. You have to brave the elements. You'll be forced to trudge through snowbanks and slip and slide on icy sidewalks. Forced to get out there in the fresh air and be active.
And in the summer when the temperature soars and the humidex is stifling, instead of lazing about in front of an air conditioner, you'll be hiking down the street to collect your mail. Remember to wear sunscreen. You don't want to get a burn.
Are you a senior who has allowed worry over icy sidewalks and broken bones to stop you from walking in winter? Has worry over heat exhaustion on hot summer days with poor air quality stopped you from exercising outside in summer?
You won't allow those worries to stop you any more because now you have your very own personal trainer.
Deepak Chopra, head of Canada Post, has heard your desire to lead a more active lifestyle. In 2013 he told Parliament that Canadian seniors will welcome the cancellation of urban door-to-door mail delivery because they want to be healthy and more active. I say, what better way to do that than to be forced to get out there and hike to the nearest super mailbox? Wherever that may be.
And remember, you don't want to miss a day. No matter what the weather, you'll want to get out there and hike to that mailbox because Canada Post recommends picking up mail at super mailboxes on a daily basis to avoid having it stolen. MOUSES!
In case you missed it, Canada Post is discontinuing all urban door-to-door mail delivery and replacing it with super mailbox to super mailbox delivery, instead.
There are some pretty upset peeps out there because of this. So upset, in fact, that one city mayor took a jack-hammer to the concrete slab where Canada Post planned to plant a new mailbox, just last week. He was making a point, he said.
Not a lot of peeps find these super mailboxes to be very super at all. They're big and awkward and kind of ugly and where already in use, appear to be somewhat vulnerable to theft. MOUSES!
City peeps are complaining that because of their size, they'll be difficult to place. Cities are going to need an awful lot of them and city streets are already filled with bus shelters and benches and the like. Not every street will be able to accommodate them. Did I mention they were super big?
MOUSES! That must be why they're called super. THEY'RE SUPER-SIZED!!!
Super-sized like a fast-food meal. No wonder Canada Post is feeling the need to be the personal trainer of Canadians. MOUSES!