'Twas the night before the peep's birthday and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse. Of course, we don't have any mice 'cause there are eleven of us cats livin' here but anywho...
The kitties were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of nip mice - different kind of mouse - danced in their heads. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my cushion to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash. I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. No, no, no... I threw up the sash.
Not a hair ball, or anything like that.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear? Why, nothing. Nothing at all. There was nothin' to see. It was a dark, starless and moonless night and I couldn't see a thing out there. MOUSES!
But smell! Oohhh... I smelled somethin' all right. In fact, I think that's what really work me up. Woke up a peep or two, too. Someone had been skunked.
I did a quick head count. One, two... two peeps were in the house. All eleven of us cats were accounted for, too. That meant that no one livin' in my house had annoyed the skunk. Thank goodness for that.
I thought about it for a bit. That left four options. Four possible victims to the skunkification. Option number one was nosey neighbour cat. Option was number two was a rocky raccoon. Option number three was some other cat's peep. Finally, option number four was... well... I'll get to that in a minute.
I figured it probably wasn't nosey neighbour cat. Cats are not likely to get skunked. We're too smart, you see. We cats know and understand the secret super power of the skunk and know better than to mess with it. And in general, cats and skunks get along. I don't know any skunks personally but I've heard that long, long ago before I was born, my Auntie Primrose had a best friend who was a skunk. Yup, it's true. They used to hang out together outside and everything. And even though my Auntie Primrose and Skunky used to play together all the time, she never once got skunked by the skunk. Cats and skunks respect one another and their super powers.
So what about a rocky? Could a rocky raccoon have been skunked? Not likely, I thought. Rockies are pretty smart, too. Smart like cats. There is a gang of marauding raccoons in our subdivision but never once have I heard of any of them bein' skunked. The rockies and the skunks seem to manage to cohabit in the great outdoors, together, just find and dandy. So I eliminated the rockies from being victims of the skunkification.
Option number three... a peep. Not one of my peeps, of course. My peeps are too smart to get themselves skunked. You've gotta be a pretty silly peep to get yourself skunked, I should think. You see a skunk? You back away. You see a skunk raise his tail? You RUN! I'm pretty sure that's what either of my peeps would do if they saw a skunky tail bein' lifted. Also, I happened to know for a fact that both my peeps were inside at the time.
What about some other cat's peep? Could some stranger peep have been skunkified? Not likely, I thought. The smell was comin' through a window at the back of the house. Therefore, the skunkification must have occurred in my backyard. No other cats' peeps should be in my backyard at night. If they were, they were up to no good and in that case, quite frankly, they deserved to be skunked. But to be honest, intruder peeps have never been spotted back there before so I figured that it wasn't likely to have happened then. No, it was probably safe to eliminate the possibility of a peep skunkification.
That left option number four and option number four would be a dog. Of course, intruder dogs are not allowed in my backyard either however sightings have been known to happen. Our subdivision is filled with dogs. So which dog could it have been?
Nosey neighbour cat shares his house with a dog but his peeps are way too smart to let that dog roam. She's never allowed to roam about on her own. Not ever. Certainly not at night. No, nosey neighbour cat's sister could be excluded from my list.
What about the yapper next door? Nah, I didn't think that was likely. That one is always on a lead when outdoors and almost never out at night. Also, he's a real yappity-dappity-doo. He would have yapped at a skunk, for sure, and I would have heard and recognised the yappin'. Another suspect eliminated from my list.
That left those two yappers livin' with the new neighbours. Now that was a real possibility. I know for a fact that they've been in my yard before. The peep and I have both seen them there. I have also seen them runnin' as fast as their little paws would take 'em with my brother Seville hot on their heels. My brother takes no guff from dogs, you see. Plus, he's bigger than either one of them. Not to mention the fact that he has claws and he sure as mouses knows how to use 'em. And judgin' by the speed at which those doggies were running, I think Seville might have at some point given them a close-up inspection of his claws, if you know what I mean.
I also know for a fact that those new neighbours have a habit of just openin' the back door and lettin' those dogs out when they wanna go out. There are no leashes or fences or anything like that involved. They just assume the dogs will stay in their yard. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Ol' Peepers once almost ran over one of them on the road because he or she came running out toward the car. The peep had to slam on the brakes and then pound on the horn until someone from the house emerged to call the dog. MOUSES!
It would make perfect sense if, in the middle of the night, one of those dogs wanted out to do his or her business and the people livin' in that house just opened the door to let that business be done. That would make perfect sense, for sure. I mean, if they don't go out with the dogs in the daytime, why would they want to go out with them at night? Am I right or am I right?
What's more, dogs are notorious for gettin' into altercations with skunks. Many a dog has been skunkified, for sure. I've even heard of some dogs bein' skunkified more than once.
Now, don't get me wrong... I don't blame the dogs for undergoing repeat skunkifications. I blame their peeps. You'd think that a peep would learn after the first skunking. Your dog gets skunked once, you don't let your dog out alone at night to get skunked twice. It only makes sense.
But now that I think about it... perhaps I should not have been so quick to eliminate the possibility of a peep skunkification. I was assuming that a peep would be too smart to get themselves skunked. But if there are peeps out there who can't figure out how to not let their dogs get skunked, repeatedly, then perhaps there are peeps out there not capable of figuring out how to not get themselves skunked, either. Hmmm...
To be honest, this is all supposition on my part. I don't know if it was a dog or a peep who got skunked. I certainly don't know which dog or peep is wearin' a new perfume of sorts. All I know for sure is that someone out there got skunked the other night 'cause skunks don't just raise their tails and let loose for fun. Never heard of a skunk doin' that, ever. Nope, somebody out there got skunkified and if that somebody was up to no good in my backyard... well then... YAY for Mr. Skunk, for sure.