just call me Houdini

There was an incident, last week.  A bad one.  I wasn't bad.  It was the incident that was bad.  Just gettin' that straight, up front.

Anywho...  ol' Peep #1 thought she'd pot up her tomatoes.  I know...  you're probably wondering why they're her tomatoes and not mine.  Most of the things in the garden are mine but I leave the tomatoes to the peep 'cause, quite frankly, I don't like 'em.  The leaves smell funny and aren't much good for munching.  In fact, if you try to munch 'em, you get even more of that funny smell.  Gosh...  you get the smell just by brushing up against them.  My dad, on the other paw, kind of likes tomato sauce but I've come to the conclusion that that's weird.  Tomato sauce is not for cats.  Neither are tomatoes.  Icky.

I told the peep that if she was going to be outside in the sun for a whole afternoon, so was I.  I was sick and tired of bein' cooped up in the livin' room and I wanted a little fresh air.  This house arrest business sucks, I tell you.  It simply sucks.

So the peep got out my harness and put it on me.  I'm getting used to the harness, now.  I still won't walk around the garden with it.  The peep has to carry me for garden inspections but I'll now wear it without a whole lot of complaints.  I don't like it but I'll wear it.  I'm not happy about wearin' it but I'm getting used to it.  Also, you can play with the leash end.  That part is kind of fun.

Ol' peepers figured she could secure the leash to a fence post by my primrose garden.  There, I would be in dappled sun so I wouldn't get too hot.  I could sprawl out on the driveway if I wanted or snuggle in among the primroses.  Whatever tickled my fancy at the moment.  We were at the bottom end of the driveway, near the road, but I wasn't on the road or anything.  No, the road was on the other side of the primroses and some trees.  We were pretty safe.  Or so I thought...

Peep #1 hauled over the recycling bin to use as a make-shift potting table and gathered all the other stuff necessary to pot up those tomatoes.  She had a whole whack of stuff there.  Of course there were tomato plants but I also saw potting mix, manure, a watering can and some organic fertilisers.  I must admit, she was pretty prepared for her afternoon of playing in the dirt. 

Everything went smoothly for a while.  The peep was on her third or fourth tomato plant and things were lookin' good.  I watched the peep walk over to the house to fill the watering can with some water and, from what I could see, she was doing it correctly.  The tomato plants may be hers but she still requires guidance, you know.

Peepers was still filling up the watering can when I heard the noise.  It was a horrible noise.  I heard the rumbling of an engine coming close and closer and closer to where I sat.  The noise got louder and louder and I just knew it was approaching.  The peep called out to me, saying it was okay and that I was safe but I didn't believe her.  She came over to me, still saying everything was fine and that I needn't be scared.  I looked at her in disbelief.  Did she not hear what I was hearing?  Was she nuts?  A monster was approaching.  A monster of all monsters.  Of course I should be afraid.

Through the trees, I could see the movement of the humongous yellow beast.  It roared with life and I just knew it was coming to get me.  I had the terrifying beast on my left, my crazy peep on my right and there I was...  stuck in the middle of the two.  What to do...  what to do...

I decided to make a run for it.  I bolted for the house.  WHAM!  That darned harness had me in its grip.  It stopped me dead in my tracks.  I leaped into the air, doin' a mid-air ninety-degree spin, landed on all four paws and made a run for other other side of house.  WHAM!  BAM!  That darned harness again.  The peep was frantic, tryin' to catch me.  I was even more frantic, trying to escape.

I squirmed and I wormed.  I rolled this way and that and...  and...  and miracle of all miracles...   I WAS FREE!

I was out of that harness and runnin' for the backyard as fast as my little paws would take me.  The peep was left behind, amidst a cloud of dust.

Then I saw some grass.  Grass...  Fresh, tender, green grass.  I love grass and as I hadn't munched on any since the start of my involuntary confinement, I had to stop and have a little nibble.  The big yellow monster had left.  Turned out it was just the school bus droppin' off nosey neighbour cat's brother.  Who knew?

I was chowing down on my greens when the peep arrived out of nowhere and scooped me up into her arms.  In between the cuddling and kissing and chin tickles, she comforted me, sayin' I was safe and that the big noisy monster was gone.  "Yeah, I saw it leave, peepers.  I'm over it," I told her.

Once I began to purr, the peep had the nerve to scold me.  She said I could have hurt my knee again, or something like that.  Blah, blah, blah...  Heard it all before, I tell you.

Then she looked at me, quizzically, and asked, "How did you get out of your harness?"

Sure enough, I had managed to do that.  The harness was left behind, still over by the fence post and still fastened together.  Yup, both parts were still securely fastened. That's right...  I had squirmed and wormed and wriggled my way out of that harness like no other cat has ever done before.  I looked at the peep and narrowed my eyes before tellin' her, "Just call me Houdini," and I left it at that.